On Narcissism and Guilty Pleasures
I think I'll possibly be among the first to admit their narcissism; I'm proud of that fact!
Well, no. I'm actually quite conflicted, because of the media. There's a difference between true narcissism and the way other see it, and speaking as a narcissist, I can say that there is a huge one.
See, true narcissism isn't necessarily all about vanity and shallowness, there are a lot of things that goes with it. I'll specify my form of narcissism here: I'm a fanatic narcissist. Fanatic narcissism comes from a low self-esteem and builds up to the person fantasising about being high in status.
So, fantasies about being high in status? Yep, I got that. I can't even count the amount of times I've daydreamed about being a member of a famous band, the prime minister (HA!), a Youtube poster, or even a famous author! I even stretch it to m everyday life, 'predicting' how I would react if I had the guts to get in front of people and actually talk.
Next, there's a black-and-white morality. I've kind of got that. I find it difficult to see criminals as anything but, which leads me to stating that they don't deserve the same rights as normal people (which they don't).
There's also the problem of lacking empathy, and I don't just mean the ability to empathise with other people; you find it difficult to recognise emotions (even your own!), which actually makes certain aspects of analysis difficult to see. I have trouble understanding metaphors, especially those linked to emotions. I also find it difficult to write emotion into a story; I can see the scene, I can hear the music, but I can find the words, and as an aspiring author, I can tell you that a lack of empathy is very crippling.
The lack of empathy is also one of the things that lends narcissism to criticism. We can't help it. My narcissism is likely a result of my abuse when I was a child, and my bullying, because I want people to care about me. I've never been well-liked, too shy to actually go out and meet people, even talking to them is difficult. I have trouble with speaking for both mental and physical reasons. I'm very socially anxious, leading to me stumbling over my words and being overly-conscious of what I say. I also have an overhand the width of my thumb in my front teeth. They basically stick out, making it difficult to pronounce certain letters because of the extra distance needed to touch them with my tongue and also to touch my bottom lip with them. (My being English has nothing to do with it, though I blame the fact that I didn't stop sucking my thumb until I was seven).
As a socially-awkward narcissist, the only topics I can talk about with confidence (and still screw up in) are about myself, things I hate and things I like. I can listen to people quite easily, but often want to answer with 'Oh, that happened to me once'.
Guilty pleasures...
*snorts* Okay, this should be obvious; the idea of screwing yourself. Okay, I ship azanshipping (Gary Oak/Green Oak from Pokemon) and also Cadence/Enoby and Charlie. Charlie was originally based off me, and while he's developed in the time I've had him, I still see him as being me. Cadence and Enoby are the same person, being me, just different aspects (Cadence is my character, Enoby is the sporker). I ship the girls with Charlie, I like it. *shrugs* Meh.
Oh, and the idea of dominating a man with a strap-on. I love reading slash fics, don't judge.
Films... Barbie films. Not the newer ones; they're fucking creepy, but definitely the older ones. Especially Barbie and the Rockers, the Princess and the Pauper, and Swan Lake. Oh, Preminger. I love you.
TV Shows? My guilty pleasure is Don't Tell the Bride. There's something satisfying about seeing the brides crying because their dress is the wrong size.
Books... I like the pictures of the fairies in the Rainbow Magic books and sequels. The fairies look pretty...
Music would definitely be Scouting for Girls. I hate them, but their music is so catchy!
*clears throat* That's embarrassing to say the least, but I guess that's the point of everything I guess. (It's not as if anyone reads what I have to say, anyway.)