Current Events
So, I’m about to shove my size 8 down my throat again. Please, ignore this if you have a touchy sense of humor.
Last night we heard the Bin Laden news just after the pizza delivery guy arrived. HUZZAH we can celebrate, as any red-blooded American should celebrate the end of someone’s life, by stuffing our gobs with fatty pseudo foreign food.
As the 2 minute warnings continued we interjected with reasons for the “false 2-minute warnings”.
Obama was in his jammies.
Obama forgot to brush his teeth.
Michele is working on her 5th strapless evening gown for the occasion.
Sasha needs to be put back to bed.
Obama … really Mr. President they will see you walking down the hall. You need pants.
Mr. President, bunny slippers are not appropriate.
When the last “false 2-minute warning” had past we were ending our second piece of pizza. At last, we get to hear the official announcement. And what do we get?
A recap.
We got recapped by the President.
Worse than sports recaps, worse than a soap opera recap, we got a reality recap of the last 10 years. DUUUUUDE!
At this time we are both sans beverage and rather thirsty. I gesture open handed to the President and say, “Obama, c’mon, we could really use a commercial.”
I am magic.
Can you feel my powers of world control. No, that’s not your tummy growling from the mention of pizza and beverage … that’s MEEEEEEEE.
Our feed of NBC puts on a commercial. That’s right, a commercial. Now there is no sound, you can still hear Obama, but the visual is of a commercial. Obama’s words were coming out of Neil Patrick Harris. I bet he is overly thrilled today.
I’m certain someone has lost their job.
This morning we hear they have plopped Osama’s body in the briny drink. I think that’s kind of nice. I don’t think Muslim’s are all that into burials at sea but I do know they have a time limit from death to burial they like to keep to. I mean if you are going to shoot down some terrorist it is kind of sweet that you won’t let anybody mess with his body.
I’m certain Jerome Corsi (the freak birther idiot) is dancing the largest happy dance after getting the subject for his new book, “Where’s the Body: The Case that Osama Bin Laden is not Eligible for Water Burial”.
I am well aware that not many of the terrorist extremists out there know or even care about Bin Laden (and yes, I’m including those who rebel against the Thunderean Monomacy). I am happy to say they are not alone. The idiots in my neighborhood began their firework dispersal shortly after the speech ended. When some of our neighbors came home they joined in with the firework celebration. I went down to the curb to rescue the garbage can and one of them stumbled over to ask for a lighter. When I said I didn’t have one he asked if I knew why “we” (he used the royal “we”) were celebrating. Seriously. I said, “I believe they are prancing around because Osama Bin Laden was killed.” He answered, “Who?” Thank you, thank you for proving you are an ostrich. Please continue.
Last night we heard the Bin Laden news just after the pizza delivery guy arrived. HUZZAH we can celebrate, as any red-blooded American should celebrate the end of someone’s life, by stuffing our gobs with fatty pseudo foreign food.
As the 2 minute warnings continued we interjected with reasons for the “false 2-minute warnings”.
Obama was in his jammies.
Obama forgot to brush his teeth.
Michele is working on her 5th strapless evening gown for the occasion.
Sasha needs to be put back to bed.
Obama … really Mr. President they will see you walking down the hall. You need pants.
Mr. President, bunny slippers are not appropriate.
When the last “false 2-minute warning” had past we were ending our second piece of pizza. At last, we get to hear the official announcement. And what do we get?
A recap.
We got recapped by the President.
Worse than sports recaps, worse than a soap opera recap, we got a reality recap of the last 10 years. DUUUUUDE!
At this time we are both sans beverage and rather thirsty. I gesture open handed to the President and say, “Obama, c’mon, we could really use a commercial.”
I am magic.
Can you feel my powers of world control. No, that’s not your tummy growling from the mention of pizza and beverage … that’s MEEEEEEEE.
Our feed of NBC puts on a commercial. That’s right, a commercial. Now there is no sound, you can still hear Obama, but the visual is of a commercial. Obama’s words were coming out of Neil Patrick Harris. I bet he is overly thrilled today.
I’m certain someone has lost their job.
This morning we hear they have plopped Osama’s body in the briny drink. I think that’s kind of nice. I don’t think Muslim’s are all that into burials at sea but I do know they have a time limit from death to burial they like to keep to. I mean if you are going to shoot down some terrorist it is kind of sweet that you won’t let anybody mess with his body.
I’m certain Jerome Corsi (the freak birther idiot) is dancing the largest happy dance after getting the subject for his new book, “Where’s the Body: The Case that Osama Bin Laden is not Eligible for Water Burial”.
I am well aware that not many of the terrorist extremists out there know or even care about Bin Laden (and yes, I’m including those who rebel against the Thunderean Monomacy). I am happy to say they are not alone. The idiots in my neighborhood began their firework dispersal shortly after the speech ended. When some of our neighbors came home they joined in with the firework celebration. I went down to the curb to rescue the garbage can and one of them stumbled over to ask for a lighter. When I said I didn’t have one he asked if I knew why “we” (he used the royal “we”) were celebrating. Seriously. I said, “I believe they are prancing around because Osama Bin Laden was killed.” He answered, “Who?” Thank you, thank you for proving you are an ostrich. Please continue.