Booze and ebt
Can you ever count on any of it to stop? No so much a roller coaster but only because unless this is your first time riding you have an idea of what waits ahead for you, and even when you didn't your anticipation could be seen by how tight you were closing your fists. But have they ever been stitch closed like your eyes were as you swung making up for all those years you wanted to look at your mom but didn't know which photograph you'd use to resemble her this time. Over time you'll realize that a portrait does nothing to the whole healing process but waste time and prove your imagination isn't worth framing so you get used to the word but don't associate much of it with a face. Each time you graze her chin or make contact with her sides it counts even if you are throwing more punches than are connecting as you would prefer. The hatred you've withheld from us all keeps you coming back after the fight has been broken up. It rings the bell before either of you have even went to your corner. Amped up to go against the bible, to rip your moms clothes off in the appt parking lot, trying so hard to not let me break your grip from her hair cause you know it's close to giving way.
And I'm supposed to grab the crying kids without a car seat before the cops come. So fucked up off drugs I doubt I'd find the time of day give dicaprio props because I really don't give a shit about seeing his new movie. But I'd hate for anyone to waste thier time trying to impress me. I'm sure the flashlights in my direction was more of a heads up were here gesture rather than to help me strap the kids into the car seat but no one seemed to notice I had the car seat back words. That wouldnt of eased me into the situation of being pulled over with an expired license anymore than having the flu the whole week of my birthday but when you're me all you do is count on the worse.
Yea there were some cheap shots thrown. And were the family in the apartment complex fist fighting and putting on a show for anyone in the cul de sac that wants to decide to distance themself from the fucked up bunch that's putting their kids on the line and their drug habits on the air to anyone that was trying to sleep on Stephens ave at 1 am.
But even when I'm coming down from it all. It's funny how much they idolize you. Will do anything they can to grab your attention. I love them so much. They will be great girls. And they will know their mom. And I will know what had to be done differently when they won't have the foggiest notion of what I'm talking about.
Grinding. Biting. Just leave your mouth alone.