(no subject)
Look at it this way: it could always be worse. The sad thing is I keep finding out how much easier I had it as time passes. You don't notice the months changing until you're at a new year. Is this really it for me? What else is necessary to have that opportunity. I know better than to expect fairness or an equal shot, not in this world, and in this town, harder for even the chance. It's a close fight but I can't afford to let this town beat me. But still there's an unsettling grumble stirring in my belly like there is when you're about to enter a fight that you know you're going to lose. And this is just from the medication you'll be taking everyday before you go to bed. It makes it hard to sleep feeling like you've lost and yet you have to wake up acting like you aren't. It may not seem fair, but out of all of this - this one is on you. I'm the only one at fault for having this to look forward to every night. How quickly I'm beginning to dread going to bed. But the bright side; there was a time when people in my condition were abandoned in hospitals without a clue as to what should be done and death being their only company. How spoiled my generation has become - but truth is there was a time when I couldn't wait for the day to end so I can go to my bed and sleep. Now with neither day nor night to look forward to I'm beginning to wonder if the lucid dreams are as close as I'm going to get to being happy. A necessary side effect of the drug for those of dwindling hope. But I don't know which is more fucked up: snapping out of a dream that was reality to you 5 seconds go or waking up to a losing battle.