(no subject)
...........I fight my natural, human instincts all the time. I fight them because I want to have supreme control.............yet at the end of the day I realize that you know what? I'm only human.
I hate that society has dictated to us that we cannot be as forthcoming as we would like..........we cannot be as upfront as we like.........because it's all about mystery. It's all about not giving in til we've proven we're not pushovers. So we engage in this long battle of not being who we are just so that we don't take advantage and in return don't get taken advantage of.
On a completely different note, is it wrong that I have no desire to do my part in perhaps rescuing my parents relationship? I really don't, seriously. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't have this connection with either of my parents. I don't have this connection that would say "Jeremy, you need to help your father out." I feel cold, I feel like they're not even my parents. Shit, last night I talked to my father on the phone as he got nasty with me about some things and it was just like I didn't care.............. like I'm accepting of the fact that for the rest of my life, my family life will continue on into dysfunctional-dom. There's just so much going on.........errrrrrrrrrrr wrong in my life that this family thing, well I'm numb to it. It's the last thing I need on my tall order of self-life resurrection.
I hate that society has dictated to us that we cannot be as forthcoming as we would like..........we cannot be as upfront as we like.........because it's all about mystery. It's all about not giving in til we've proven we're not pushovers. So we engage in this long battle of not being who we are just so that we don't take advantage and in return don't get taken advantage of.
On a completely different note, is it wrong that I have no desire to do my part in perhaps rescuing my parents relationship? I really don't, seriously. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't have this connection with either of my parents. I don't have this connection that would say "Jeremy, you need to help your father out." I feel cold, I feel like they're not even my parents. Shit, last night I talked to my father on the phone as he got nasty with me about some things and it was just like I didn't care.............. like I'm accepting of the fact that for the rest of my life, my family life will continue on into dysfunctional-dom. There's just so much going on.........errrrrrrrrrrr wrong in my life that this family thing, well I'm numb to it. It's the last thing I need on my tall order of self-life resurrection.