Anybody have a Magic Eraser for boys?
While Nick has somehow managed to basically shut Erik out of his life, I still hang on to a small thread of hope that we could be friends again. I've texted with him a couple of times, but he still has me blocked on certain cruising websites and hasn't added me back to his facebook. He said he wants to take things "on a day by day basis" but what the fuck does that mean?! We both got SO attached to him SO quickly, but then things start surfacing that were really very rotten towards me, yet I'm still hoping for something? If I didn't already know it, I'd say I was crazy. He's not contacted Nick at all (as I'm sure he's waiting for Nick to contact him), but he hasn't blocked Nick from the cruising sites. He did remove him as a friend on facebook, but I think that was only so I couldn't see his posts. *sigh* How can someone SO charming and SO charismatic and SO cute be so utterly clueless as to how his actions affect other people? Or, does he just not care? I just want to erase him from my memory completely, if he's not going to make ANY attempts to fix things. So, my next big hurdle is deleting his number from my phone and deleting all of his texts. And, because I haven't memorized his number, I'll only have one way to contact him (I can still send him messages through facebook), but I doubt I'll be tempted to do that.
On a different note, I'm going to start the "surgical weight reduction" process next doctor's visit. My back is only getting worse, and I'm losing weight, but not quickly enough. I'm tired of being perceived as "the fat guy with the hot boyfriend". I doubt I'll ever be thin, but this Santa Claus belly's got to go! I mean, I've been tortured and tormented for my size since I was 10, and it only got worse when I came out of the closet. Stupid fags. Well, I shouldn't say that because I'm not into big guys like myself, so I'm just as bad. I wish I was a callous bitch who didn't give a shit about what anybody said, but I haven't yet figured out how to shrivel and/or refrigerate my heart. It's just too damn big for its own good.
Anyway, I'm crying now, but I needed to let these feelings out SOMEWHERE.
On a different note, I'm going to start the "surgical weight reduction" process next doctor's visit. My back is only getting worse, and I'm losing weight, but not quickly enough. I'm tired of being perceived as "the fat guy with the hot boyfriend". I doubt I'll ever be thin, but this Santa Claus belly's got to go! I mean, I've been tortured and tormented for my size since I was 10, and it only got worse when I came out of the closet. Stupid fags. Well, I shouldn't say that because I'm not into big guys like myself, so I'm just as bad. I wish I was a callous bitch who didn't give a shit about what anybody said, but I haven't yet figured out how to shrivel and/or refrigerate my heart. It's just too damn big for its own good.
Anyway, I'm crying now, but I needed to let these feelings out SOMEWHERE.