I start on my meds again.
I saw my dermatologist and I will be starting my meds for my psoriasis. I had this since I was 16. This has been my number 1 cause of insecurity. I dealt with many people asking me why my skin looked like that, was I involved in a burn or if I am contagious. Hopefully, I can regain a little bit of my confidence back. The meds will also help with my arthritis. Finally I can opena jar of peanut butter again or tie my shoes with out whincing. I wont have to feel self conscious if a guy held my hand.
I been neglecting my work outs. I feel like a cow. Just means I cant skip next week.
So I called and invited Phillip to go out twice and he declined twice. Here I am trying to extend my olive branch so we can resume to be bff's but i guess not. His doucheness started since he began dating Ivan. hmmm.....Does any one want to take this one?
It's 2am. I am laying in bed. I am listening to Lauren Hill's "Sweetest Thing". Its stirring up feeling and thoughts that I had come to terms and laid to rest in my 'leave it in Jesus' hands'. I think I am afraid. I am not where I pictured I would be. My life though filled with good life lessons and character building experiences, feels as if I just have another uphill to climb. When in God's green earth did I grow up? Just one time, I want to be the naive little boy I once was. Everything was new, everything had possibility. The sun would shine brighter, rain was sweet, cupcakes ruled and garfield rocked. Now, I squint too much, my socks are soggy, muffin tops suck and garfield retired. I wish I could just not worry bout stupid money. Why does money rule? What ever happened to salt!
Listening to Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my Guitar". I wonder if there is some one out there for me. I wonder why its taking this long to find him. I was shopping at Target earlier. As I walked down pink and white and red filled aisles. I got sad. First off, I am not one of those people who are bitter about Valentines Day. I was born on Valentines Day. Yeah it might be a bit lonely....in more way than one. When your siblings take their spouses out instead of celebrating your birthday it kinda sucks. There I was looking at heart shaped cake molds. I thought how cool would it be to make my bf a cake....my bf....whom is an enigma right now cause i dont have one. I started thinking where could he be. Was he with some one at this moment. was he happy with this guy, was he shopping to get him a valentine gift. I closed my eyes and wished a happy valentines day where ever he was. I put my basket down and walked out.
Listening to Adele "Chasing pavements". the best birthday I had was a few years back. every one was out with their spouse having a valentine dinner. and there i was in my room bummed. In walks in my mom with a hostess cupcake and a little candle lite up and she starts singing happy birthday in broken english. Moms rock and always know just what to do to make your day all better. That is why cupcakes rule.
I want that one big love explosion. I want that one man that my hear just wants to jump out and run to every time i see him. I want that Epic Love. The type of Love scholars write and debate for years.
I am afraid...that its just not meant for me.
My heart secretly breaks a little everytime I think that. I try to be optimistic, I try to not think about it, I try to fool my self i try i try i try i try i try i try....im tired.
I been neglecting my work outs. I feel like a cow. Just means I cant skip next week.
So I called and invited Phillip to go out twice and he declined twice. Here I am trying to extend my olive branch so we can resume to be bff's but i guess not. His doucheness started since he began dating Ivan. hmmm.....Does any one want to take this one?
It's 2am. I am laying in bed. I am listening to Lauren Hill's "Sweetest Thing". Its stirring up feeling and thoughts that I had come to terms and laid to rest in my 'leave it in Jesus' hands'. I think I am afraid. I am not where I pictured I would be. My life though filled with good life lessons and character building experiences, feels as if I just have another uphill to climb. When in God's green earth did I grow up? Just one time, I want to be the naive little boy I once was. Everything was new, everything had possibility. The sun would shine brighter, rain was sweet, cupcakes ruled and garfield rocked. Now, I squint too much, my socks are soggy, muffin tops suck and garfield retired. I wish I could just not worry bout stupid money. Why does money rule? What ever happened to salt!
Listening to Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my Guitar". I wonder if there is some one out there for me. I wonder why its taking this long to find him. I was shopping at Target earlier. As I walked down pink and white and red filled aisles. I got sad. First off, I am not one of those people who are bitter about Valentines Day. I was born on Valentines Day. Yeah it might be a bit lonely....in more way than one. When your siblings take their spouses out instead of celebrating your birthday it kinda sucks. There I was looking at heart shaped cake molds. I thought how cool would it be to make my bf a cake....my bf....whom is an enigma right now cause i dont have one. I started thinking where could he be. Was he with some one at this moment. was he happy with this guy, was he shopping to get him a valentine gift. I closed my eyes and wished a happy valentines day where ever he was. I put my basket down and walked out.
Listening to Adele "Chasing pavements". the best birthday I had was a few years back. every one was out with their spouse having a valentine dinner. and there i was in my room bummed. In walks in my mom with a hostess cupcake and a little candle lite up and she starts singing happy birthday in broken english. Moms rock and always know just what to do to make your day all better. That is why cupcakes rule.
I want that one big love explosion. I want that one man that my hear just wants to jump out and run to every time i see him. I want that Epic Love. The type of Love scholars write and debate for years.
I am afraid...that its just not meant for me.
My heart secretly breaks a little everytime I think that. I try to be optimistic, I try to not think about it, I try to fool my self i try i try i try i try i try i try....im tired.