(no subject)
Just got back from my Ajax weekend. It was pretty good. Friday was just Friday. Nothing too eventful. Went to Ainsleigh's violent recital. Other kids did other stuff. Some talented. I did notice that young teenage girls these days certainly dress differently than they did when I was that age. It's kinda crazy. Some of them had border-line stilleto heals. Now, I know that kind helps with leverage with the piano pedals, but still. Sheesh!
Saturday was fun. We sort of threw a calm Family surprise party for Harrison. Fun was had. Barbequing... badmanton (which I have not played since my glory days in Germany when I used to play with my friend Christoph everytime I visited my old home every summer)... and swimming. It was bizarre swimming again. I haven't swum in two years! Since the summer of 2002. It was really really strange. I sort of had to take a moment and appreciate that my body was submerged in water. Ainsleigh seems to have developed a hairdresses streak. On Saturday, as well as last week in the hot tub she has requested I dunk my head in the water, make it wet, and let her style it. I'm told her stylings looked good.... the things I let those kids do :) Gotta love them. It was a long day, but all in good fun.
Then today we just sort of lounged around for a while. Slept in a bit. I watched the kids while Ollie and Jen went looking for houses. I watched Good Boy! and Monster's Inc with them. Later that night we watched Finding Nemo. I didn't get all teared up as much this time... probably because I have seen the movie so many times now.
When I left I felt genuinely sad and like something was bearing heavily down upon me, while simulatenously forming a lump in my throat and chest. Not entirely sure what to call it. Guilt, missage, regret... I just felt really bad that after this nice long weekend of spending a lot of time with them - something I haven't done neccesarily in a while - I won't be able to do it again for a while. I feel like I am missing out, like I am committing an act of betrayal, which of course is basically ridiculous. In the end it makes more sense to visit my parents in Florida because I have less easy access to them and don't see them quite as often as the rest of my family in Canada. But still. This weekend was good, and I guess I just wanted the option for more of them. And I just love the kids I guess. Well and Ollie and Jen. Oliver isn't neccesarily always the easiest, but he is my brother and I love him. Jen.... well I can never run out of good things to say about there. I know this might sound weird, but I have always said, if I can get a wife who is anything like Jen, I'll be truly set for life. And blessed.
One thing I sort of realized this weekend, and it isn't a first because I have realized this for a while: I don't think I will be ready for a child of my own for a while. I know, silly thing to think about, but I do. I can totally picture myself married. In fact, I eagerly look forward to it. As odd it sounds I think one of my purposes in life, and possibly talents, is to be a significant other. I think I would be really really good at it. That must sound ridiculous in this age of career-minded people, but it's simply the way I feel I guess. But I just always realize with the kids that the idea of raising children unsettles me now. I don't want to say scares me because... well I do want to have children, and I would love to have them, I just know that I probably won't be ready for them anytime soon. It's also kinda important to me to be well established in life first so I can provide a good life for them. Oddly enough many of my current goals involve providing for people who aren't even in my life right now. I'd invoke the Boy Scout motto but that would just be lame.
Anyway, I think that's it. Guess I had to get some stuff out of my system or something. Who knows. The Candy Man does, that's who.
There are typos in this, but at this point and time I don't care.
Saturday was fun. We sort of threw a calm Family surprise party for Harrison. Fun was had. Barbequing... badmanton (which I have not played since my glory days in Germany when I used to play with my friend Christoph everytime I visited my old home every summer)... and swimming. It was bizarre swimming again. I haven't swum in two years! Since the summer of 2002. It was really really strange. I sort of had to take a moment and appreciate that my body was submerged in water. Ainsleigh seems to have developed a hairdresses streak. On Saturday, as well as last week in the hot tub she has requested I dunk my head in the water, make it wet, and let her style it. I'm told her stylings looked good.... the things I let those kids do :) Gotta love them. It was a long day, but all in good fun.
Then today we just sort of lounged around for a while. Slept in a bit. I watched the kids while Ollie and Jen went looking for houses. I watched Good Boy! and Monster's Inc with them. Later that night we watched Finding Nemo. I didn't get all teared up as much this time... probably because I have seen the movie so many times now.
When I left I felt genuinely sad and like something was bearing heavily down upon me, while simulatenously forming a lump in my throat and chest. Not entirely sure what to call it. Guilt, missage, regret... I just felt really bad that after this nice long weekend of spending a lot of time with them - something I haven't done neccesarily in a while - I won't be able to do it again for a while. I feel like I am missing out, like I am committing an act of betrayal, which of course is basically ridiculous. In the end it makes more sense to visit my parents in Florida because I have less easy access to them and don't see them quite as often as the rest of my family in Canada. But still. This weekend was good, and I guess I just wanted the option for more of them. And I just love the kids I guess. Well and Ollie and Jen. Oliver isn't neccesarily always the easiest, but he is my brother and I love him. Jen.... well I can never run out of good things to say about there. I know this might sound weird, but I have always said, if I can get a wife who is anything like Jen, I'll be truly set for life. And blessed.
One thing I sort of realized this weekend, and it isn't a first because I have realized this for a while: I don't think I will be ready for a child of my own for a while. I know, silly thing to think about, but I do. I can totally picture myself married. In fact, I eagerly look forward to it. As odd it sounds I think one of my purposes in life, and possibly talents, is to be a significant other. I think I would be really really good at it. That must sound ridiculous in this age of career-minded people, but it's simply the way I feel I guess. But I just always realize with the kids that the idea of raising children unsettles me now. I don't want to say scares me because... well I do want to have children, and I would love to have them, I just know that I probably won't be ready for them anytime soon. It's also kinda important to me to be well established in life first so I can provide a good life for them. Oddly enough many of my current goals involve providing for people who aren't even in my life right now. I'd invoke the Boy Scout motto but that would just be lame.
Anyway, I think that's it. Guess I had to get some stuff out of my system or something. Who knows. The Candy Man does, that's who.
There are typos in this, but at this point and time I don't care.