An Interview.
I've got a meeting to set up tomorrow with the Director of the Workshop. Snaffus have occurred to cause this; some say they owe me something (and while ambiguous to pinpoint a person (it's more a system fault), this is who it falls on, and who had a hand in some of it), and while that's true, in reality to my fiestiness alone, I don't feel good having people owing me something. Perhaps it is just becuase, for all that everyone has taken from me, no one has ever manned up and looked back to see how I was doing. No one gave a damn enough to look at the disaster they caused.
Do you know about my tendancy to be railroaded, fall through the cracks, and otherwise get shafted? You probably do by now--that's what most of these journalings are: chronicles of my getting shafted. Most things happen for a reason, but the outcomes, usually...are completely made by the people involved. That's why I hate it when people don't try. And i'm tired of being left behind, thrown out, and otherwise overlooked.
I don't think it's her fault necessarily--the director--this time; I finally reached a decision, and finally feel free about going out and doing something on my own for my own time....
So could it be...that this is my first trial in that new life, rather than the last thing that just won't go away from the previous? Perhaps that is it.
For, the path before me may not be quite clear, but the need, desire to run through it full-throttle is perfectly clear.
So this is just fair notice. I shall report how it turns out.
As I look out onto the immediate distance before my bright eyes, I wonder if this is my test...And will I, finally, be willing to treat this the way I am in my dreams--Will I be able to pull this off (what am I gunning for here?) the way the me in my mind could?
I smile now. It feels like a videogame or a book, this nobility or princiliness I feel like hatching plots with and acting by. But that's what I've always lusted after, anyway.
A chance. Just a chance....
I don't think this could be "bad." I'm terrified, but really, of what? Showing badly, looking dumb, but mostly...having my case denied or misinterpreted because I didn't try hard enough to make them understand what's been happening to me. Why am I worth more than anyone else? I'm not--but I don't deserve to be treated less than anyone else, either.
This could be the first triumph of a very interesting professional day....
This is my hope talking.
I'll deliver my part. Now if just everyone else will.
>]
diclaimer: and no, I'm not high. I've been on a writing binge for the last 36 hours, which amounts to a mindstate as much, but legitimately, it's all those japanese shounen manga influences coming back to bring me with them. I don't know if anyone else will understand that, or even if I will in ten years, looking back at this, ... but I hope I have the desire and courage to look when time enough has elapsed that I want to look at the letters to my old(er) self.
Hi self~. Hope you are well. Remember the key to good health? You chose that, over any of the others to own, because it was inherent that, within having that, you could gain everything else you wanted? Yes. Let's remember this lesson. I hope you're using it well. >:3
(Yes, I've gotten back into the idea of writing letters to my future self (just a diary with a point, really), because I realized I have yet to really keep a proper chronicle of any important (outwardly interesting) time in my life and I really, really should, should I ever want to write about it. My memory sucks for these kinds of things, nowadays. Which one would expect when you live for today and the near future, not the past nor the distant days.
We shall see. We shall see....
Do you know about my tendancy to be railroaded, fall through the cracks, and otherwise get shafted? You probably do by now--that's what most of these journalings are: chronicles of my getting shafted. Most things happen for a reason, but the outcomes, usually...are completely made by the people involved. That's why I hate it when people don't try. And i'm tired of being left behind, thrown out, and otherwise overlooked.
I don't think it's her fault necessarily--the director--this time; I finally reached a decision, and finally feel free about going out and doing something on my own for my own time....
So could it be...that this is my first trial in that new life, rather than the last thing that just won't go away from the previous? Perhaps that is it.
For, the path before me may not be quite clear, but the need, desire to run through it full-throttle is perfectly clear.
So this is just fair notice. I shall report how it turns out.
As I look out onto the immediate distance before my bright eyes, I wonder if this is my test...And will I, finally, be willing to treat this the way I am in my dreams--Will I be able to pull this off (what am I gunning for here?) the way the me in my mind could?
I smile now. It feels like a videogame or a book, this nobility or princiliness I feel like hatching plots with and acting by. But that's what I've always lusted after, anyway.
A chance. Just a chance....
I don't think this could be "bad." I'm terrified, but really, of what? Showing badly, looking dumb, but mostly...having my case denied or misinterpreted because I didn't try hard enough to make them understand what's been happening to me. Why am I worth more than anyone else? I'm not--but I don't deserve to be treated less than anyone else, either.
This could be the first triumph of a very interesting professional day....
This is my hope talking.
I'll deliver my part. Now if just everyone else will.
>]
diclaimer: and no, I'm not high. I've been on a writing binge for the last 36 hours, which amounts to a mindstate as much, but legitimately, it's all those japanese shounen manga influences coming back to bring me with them. I don't know if anyone else will understand that, or even if I will in ten years, looking back at this, ... but I hope I have the desire and courage to look when time enough has elapsed that I want to look at the letters to my old(er) self.
Hi self~. Hope you are well. Remember the key to good health? You chose that, over any of the others to own, because it was inherent that, within having that, you could gain everything else you wanted? Yes. Let's remember this lesson. I hope you're using it well. >:3
(Yes, I've gotten back into the idea of writing letters to my future self (just a diary with a point, really), because I realized I have yet to really keep a proper chronicle of any important (outwardly interesting) time in my life and I really, really should, should I ever want to write about it. My memory sucks for these kinds of things, nowadays. Which one would expect when you live for today and the near future, not the past nor the distant days.
We shall see. We shall see....