"but i don't want to"
Mom: Arlene, are you sure you don't want to do something at the end of the summer with your friends?
Me: I'm sure mom.
Mom: Why not go out for dinner, to Soyka's maybe?
Me: Why?
Mom: Because it'll be the last time you'll see them before you all go away.
Me: I don't see any of them now. What's the difference?
Mom: It's the last time.
Me: I don't see any of them, I don't talk to any of them, I don't even go online anymore.
Mom: But people call you. I know Chris called you yesterday.
Me: People don't call me and the only reason he called was because I sent him a text message.
This conversation is continued with a speech about how text messaging costs money and is therefore frivolous and a tangible awkwardness created by my mom's realization that I have no social life.
In a way, I was glad that she saw how detached I am, but it also bothered me that she could see another part of me. I had the conversation in the back of my head the whole day, along with this it's-going-to-be-a-bad-day attitude. Sure enough, today was miserable. I laugh at work, I smile, I joke and I play around, but it's all so empty. For most of the day I was on the verge of tears and I just kept telling myself, "Only a couple of more hours and you can go home and cry your eyes out" and I almost made it too. I was about to leave and I meant to stick my head into the principal's office and just say goodbye, but she stopped me. Mind you, I've known this woman since I was but an egg in my mom's ovaries, I evenly jokingly call her my second mom. She saw me earlier and asked me how I was doing and I could barely answer her. Because of that encounter, she stopped me after school and probed, I tried to hold back the tears, really, earnestly tried, but once they start coming out and I get frustrated there's no turning back. I can't even tell you why I was crying, a lot of things bothered me today, but it wasn't anything that hadn't happened any other day. I guess it's largely because I'm beginning to realize that I resent people who don't care even half as much as I do, especially when it's there job. If you're a teacher and you can't handle one kid who just needs a little more attention, you fucking need to switch professions.
I don't know, there were a lot of things that bothered me today, I just want to skip over the summer. I have this strange feeling that having been single for a year within a few days is going to make me implode. I can't believe it, an entire year...
If you happen to be looking for me, don't forget to check the ground, that's where I'll be crawling in self-pity until probably August.
Me: I'm sure mom.
Mom: Why not go out for dinner, to Soyka's maybe?
Me: Why?
Mom: Because it'll be the last time you'll see them before you all go away.
Me: I don't see any of them now. What's the difference?
Mom: It's the last time.
Me: I don't see any of them, I don't talk to any of them, I don't even go online anymore.
Mom: But people call you. I know Chris called you yesterday.
Me: People don't call me and the only reason he called was because I sent him a text message.
This conversation is continued with a speech about how text messaging costs money and is therefore frivolous and a tangible awkwardness created by my mom's realization that I have no social life.
In a way, I was glad that she saw how detached I am, but it also bothered me that she could see another part of me. I had the conversation in the back of my head the whole day, along with this it's-going-to-be-a-bad-day attitude. Sure enough, today was miserable. I laugh at work, I smile, I joke and I play around, but it's all so empty. For most of the day I was on the verge of tears and I just kept telling myself, "Only a couple of more hours and you can go home and cry your eyes out" and I almost made it too. I was about to leave and I meant to stick my head into the principal's office and just say goodbye, but she stopped me. Mind you, I've known this woman since I was but an egg in my mom's ovaries, I evenly jokingly call her my second mom. She saw me earlier and asked me how I was doing and I could barely answer her. Because of that encounter, she stopped me after school and probed, I tried to hold back the tears, really, earnestly tried, but once they start coming out and I get frustrated there's no turning back. I can't even tell you why I was crying, a lot of things bothered me today, but it wasn't anything that hadn't happened any other day. I guess it's largely because I'm beginning to realize that I resent people who don't care even half as much as I do, especially when it's there job. If you're a teacher and you can't handle one kid who just needs a little more attention, you fucking need to switch professions.
I don't know, there were a lot of things that bothered me today, I just want to skip over the summer. I have this strange feeling that having been single for a year within a few days is going to make me implode. I can't believe it, an entire year...
If you happen to be looking for me, don't forget to check the ground, that's where I'll be crawling in self-pity until probably August.