Gah..
Feel so odd updating about this.
I'm not sure if I am obsessing or in mourning. I could be still in mourning....it's been a few months since Joe passed away due to his drinking :(
Maybe it's the impact this disease has on people. Maybe it was how young he was...he would've been 30 today. With this realization...It's hitting me pretty hard all over again. Whenever I think I'm good and can move on, he comes into my head again.
This is why I HATE my mind, the way it works.
Having a great day, I got to sleep in and it's beautiful out :) My kids are happy, things are GOOD with the hubby....It's like, my mind comes up with this shit, saying like, "Hey pssst! I know you're having a great day and all, but remember today IS September 19th! He would've been 30 today. Yeah, have fun with that!"
Thanks, really.
So I'm trying like hell to not let this ruin my day :/ I mean, I don't want to be sad ALL day over something I cannot change!!! No matter how badly I wish it were not true. But I need to move on...I didn't think it would be this hard.
I think a gratitude list in order...I need to call Sue (my sponsor) and well, work on my 4th step.
On another note, I don't mean to make this a recovery journal entirely, but I find it helps that I write about what is on my mind...and this is exactly what's been on my mind since I've come back into the rooms.
Recovery and well, death. Trying not to think so much about the death part...it's just this is like the 2nd of 3rd kid.."kid" that has died from this crap. Seems to me that all these people that don't realize there is help out there and people DO want to help!!! So we lose lives. We lose brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, mothers and fathers. We lose kids, we lose our friends. It's sad, but it's true. Some people cannot stop and won't unless they let themselves BE HELPED.
This is why I am going back to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor. I WANT to be in that detox center, when all hope seems to have been obliterated, I want to lend them my hand and let them know it CAN BE OK, It will be, just accept the help. YOU CAN do it. It doesn't have to be AA/NA, it could be Rational Recovery, it could be getting involved in your church or whatever, but you CAN do it!
I want to be there for that person in their darkest times to let them know that not all hope is lost. Just as what was done for me so many times.
My heart goes out to those still suffering and those who have lost family and friends to these addictions.
It really IS A DISEASE. They really CANNOT stop!
I never could, until now.
AND IT IS HARD. So hard.
I'm not sure if I am obsessing or in mourning. I could be still in mourning....it's been a few months since Joe passed away due to his drinking :(
Maybe it's the impact this disease has on people. Maybe it was how young he was...he would've been 30 today. With this realization...It's hitting me pretty hard all over again. Whenever I think I'm good and can move on, he comes into my head again.
This is why I HATE my mind, the way it works.
Having a great day, I got to sleep in and it's beautiful out :) My kids are happy, things are GOOD with the hubby....It's like, my mind comes up with this shit, saying like, "Hey pssst! I know you're having a great day and all, but remember today IS September 19th! He would've been 30 today. Yeah, have fun with that!"
Thanks, really.
So I'm trying like hell to not let this ruin my day :/ I mean, I don't want to be sad ALL day over something I cannot change!!! No matter how badly I wish it were not true. But I need to move on...I didn't think it would be this hard.
I think a gratitude list in order...I need to call Sue (my sponsor) and well, work on my 4th step.
On another note, I don't mean to make this a recovery journal entirely, but I find it helps that I write about what is on my mind...and this is exactly what's been on my mind since I've come back into the rooms.
Recovery and well, death. Trying not to think so much about the death part...it's just this is like the 2nd of 3rd kid.."kid" that has died from this crap. Seems to me that all these people that don't realize there is help out there and people DO want to help!!! So we lose lives. We lose brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, mothers and fathers. We lose kids, we lose our friends. It's sad, but it's true. Some people cannot stop and won't unless they let themselves BE HELPED.
This is why I am going back to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor. I WANT to be in that detox center, when all hope seems to have been obliterated, I want to lend them my hand and let them know it CAN BE OK, It will be, just accept the help. YOU CAN do it. It doesn't have to be AA/NA, it could be Rational Recovery, it could be getting involved in your church or whatever, but you CAN do it!
I want to be there for that person in their darkest times to let them know that not all hope is lost. Just as what was done for me so many times.
My heart goes out to those still suffering and those who have lost family and friends to these addictions.
It really IS A DISEASE. They really CANNOT stop!
I never could, until now.
AND IT IS HARD. So hard.