we're growing apart but growing in love and the world's spinning a lot
Title: the lights going out in my heart
Fandom: the vampire diaries
Characters: elena (pov), damon, bonnie, minor: stefan, caroline
Pairing: previous stefan/elena, eventual damon/elena
Warnings: general
Summary: elena realises she would rather die with her humanity, than live without it.
+
the tips of his fingers draw lines on her arms as she slowly turns to stone.
his voice is miles away, crying, screaming, silencing the tears with his anger.
'this wasn't what she wanted.'
and she wants to say, 'yes'.
but she can feel stefan's guilt tinging the edges of her torment; concentrates instead on the feel of damon's fingers as the last threads of humanity ebb away from her.
concentrates on remembering. remember the feel of skin against skin.
until she cannot feel it anymore.
: come back, come back, i don't want to be a monster :
time warps around her into strange distorted shapes and colours. she tries to grasp at the shapes but they ripple and dissolve under her fingers.
the frustration begins to turn to hatred as she feels the intensity of her emotions obscure her vision.
/blinded/rage/misery/exhaustion/....
eventually she gives up. what is the use?
: i never wanted this. i dont want to be like them. i want to be me. i want, i want, i want :
she didn't know, didn't realise. stefan didn't know, didn't realise.
but damon blames him, blames her.
her self sacrifice only got people hurt.
as he watches the small scars on her body stitch themselves back together again, he feels the seams of his heart slowly unhem and then he sees blood.
: damon, don't hurt him. damon, don't. damon, don't. damon be better. oh damon. no no no, damon.. :
it is a vigil beside her bed. she knows before she wakes that she will see them all and there will be terror pity anxiety sadness grief nausea apprehension relief misery consolation relief relief relief.
stefan's deep eyes meet her's first and the guilt kills her.
: nothing can kill me anymore. no more. i am invincible. immortal. supernatural aborration. i don't/want to die. i want/don't want to die. :
caroline reassures her it will be fine but there is a inconsolable disillusionment in her eyes. bonnie offers her a ring.
'for the sun.'
she will never feel it's warmth. never feel the adrenalin and fear that comes with being human.
being warm blooded.
being a live.
: don't hug me bonnie. don't. i am cold. i am dead. i am dead. don't. don't. don't. :
so she leaves the ring and walks into the sun, careful to stand in a sliver of darkness and realises that this is the side she lives on now.
the dark.
the cold.
the haunted.
: go away damon. go away. i can't. not now. not like this. the paralells. don't say it. :
but he sits with her, sits in the sun and holds her hand that stays firmly in the dark.
'one day,' he says.
and then he lets her alone.
: not right now. not like this. no. no. not ever :
but the sun is still shining when she feels the burn.
it feels like acid down her throat. every swallow is knives down her oesophagus. it burns like fire.
warmth.
heat.
she welcomes it, revels in the pain.
pain.
humanity.
.interchangeable.
: i have lost everything. and i lived. they will live without me. they will l i v e. :
and this time she thinks they might be safe, might be o k.
damon and stefan will grieve but together. together forever.
bonnie will be free of the sacrifices she has always had to make.
caroline will be able to be someone's first choice.
matt will be free to move on.
they will be able to l i v e .
so she leaves them with a unused ring and all the love she could express in words.
they will be better. lighter. freeer. warmer.
safe forever.
so she steps into the sun and feels the warmth and feels the taste of life one last time.
one last time.
one last time.
before she dissolves, disintegrates, decays.
: back to humanity. :
here lies elena gilbert.
daughter, sister, friend, love
and human
10/05/2012
Fandom: the vampire diaries
Characters: elena (pov), damon, bonnie, minor: stefan, caroline
Pairing: previous stefan/elena, eventual damon/elena
Warnings: general
Summary: elena realises she would rather die with her humanity, than live without it.
+
the tips of his fingers draw lines on her arms as she slowly turns to stone.
his voice is miles away, crying, screaming, silencing the tears with his anger.
'this wasn't what she wanted.'
and she wants to say, 'yes'.
but she can feel stefan's guilt tinging the edges of her torment; concentrates instead on the feel of damon's fingers as the last threads of humanity ebb away from her.
concentrates on remembering. remember the feel of skin against skin.
until she cannot feel it anymore.
: come back, come back, i don't want to be a monster :
time warps around her into strange distorted shapes and colours. she tries to grasp at the shapes but they ripple and dissolve under her fingers.
the frustration begins to turn to hatred as she feels the intensity of her emotions obscure her vision.
/blinded/rage/misery/exhaustion/....
eventually she gives up. what is the use?
: i never wanted this. i dont want to be like them. i want to be me. i want, i want, i want :
she didn't know, didn't realise. stefan didn't know, didn't realise.
but damon blames him, blames her.
her self sacrifice only got people hurt.
as he watches the small scars on her body stitch themselves back together again, he feels the seams of his heart slowly unhem and then he sees blood.
: damon, don't hurt him. damon, don't. damon, don't. damon be better. oh damon. no no no, damon.. :
it is a vigil beside her bed. she knows before she wakes that she will see them all and there will be terror pity anxiety sadness grief nausea apprehension relief misery consolation relief relief relief.
stefan's deep eyes meet her's first and the guilt kills her.
: nothing can kill me anymore. no more. i am invincible. immortal. supernatural aborration. i don't/want to die. i want/don't want to die. :
caroline reassures her it will be fine but there is a inconsolable disillusionment in her eyes. bonnie offers her a ring.
'for the sun.'
she will never feel it's warmth. never feel the adrenalin and fear that comes with being human.
being warm blooded.
being a live.
: don't hug me bonnie. don't. i am cold. i am dead. i am dead. don't. don't. don't. :
so she leaves the ring and walks into the sun, careful to stand in a sliver of darkness and realises that this is the side she lives on now.
the dark.
the cold.
the haunted.
: go away damon. go away. i can't. not now. not like this. the paralells. don't say it. :
but he sits with her, sits in the sun and holds her hand that stays firmly in the dark.
'one day,' he says.
and then he lets her alone.
: not right now. not like this. no. no. not ever :
but the sun is still shining when she feels the burn.
it feels like acid down her throat. every swallow is knives down her oesophagus. it burns like fire.
warmth.
heat.
she welcomes it, revels in the pain.
pain.
humanity.
.interchangeable.
: i have lost everything. and i lived. they will live without me. they will l i v e. :
and this time she thinks they might be safe, might be o k.
damon and stefan will grieve but together. together forever.
bonnie will be free of the sacrifices she has always had to make.
caroline will be able to be someone's first choice.
matt will be free to move on.
they will be able to l i v e .
so she leaves them with a unused ring and all the love she could express in words.
they will be better. lighter. freeer. warmer.
safe forever.
so she steps into the sun and feels the warmth and feels the taste of life one last time.
one last time.
one last time.
before she dissolves, disintegrates, decays.
: back to humanity. :
here lies elena gilbert.
daughter, sister, friend, love
and human
10/05/2012