we were both young when i first saw you, i closed my eyes and the flashbacks started
Title: Non, Je ne regrette rien (No, I regret nothing)
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Characters: Blair Waldorf
Pairing: Blair/Dan, (Blair/Chuck, Blair/Nate minor)
Genre/Rating: Reflection/Fluff
Summary: She used to have pigtails and wear oversized bangles she stole from her mother's boudoir. Now she's discarded headbands and changed the costume jewellery for couture and she feels more out of place than ever.
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Blair used to be so young. Her hair would always be arranged in an elaborate set of playful curls. Her shoes were patent ballet flats that were never scuffed, never dirty. Anywhere she went, she would blink dolefully and look up at her father.
"Daddy..."
And she'd follow it up with something she wanted.
A pony, a sleepover with Serena, a visit to her Mother's atelier, an expensive handbag or a hug.
It is with regret that she said goodbye to her childhood so early. She sacrificed her youth for YSL and her amelioration for adulthood.
She used to be so young.
She used to be so happy.
On her sixteenth birthday she blew out the candles by herself and sat with stockinged feet as the twelth of november clocked over.
Her phone buzzed and she remembered the small smile that graced her face when she heard Nate's voice.
"Blair? Happy birthday beautiful..."
Somehow she got tangled up in the web that was Chuck Bass. She remembered the euphoric feeling of having won the match after so many blows. But it had been worth it. Worth it to see the thriving business man achieve greatness because she had believed in him.
It didn't matter really because it had all blown up in her face. The lies, the games, the masochism, the scandals and the drama. She hadn't grown in that relationship at all - desperate to keep Chuck, Blair felt her juvenile games had only gotten more petty. She'd been desperate to remind him of who he was and fix him.
It was just a delusion to think that deflecting would end up fixing her.
She always imagined she would walk down the aisle with Nate. She imagined the Cornelius Vanderbilt on her finger and a Lacroix secured around her trim waist. She saw herself as the Head of the Whitney and entertaining at the Archibald's every Sunday.
She wondered when the fantasy changed to a darker theme. When Chuck entered the scene, she never imagined them getting married. The idea of Blair Bass seemed entirely unthinkable after the calamitous situations which had brought them to a unsteady relationship. Instead, she saw herself as ambassador for several charities and philanthropic organisations.
And yet..
And yet... it all changed again.
As she stands behind Serena with a bouquet of peonies, she is astounded at how much an impact the men of her life have dictated her future.
But when she looks at the man looking right at her, she knows that it will be ok. She doesn't have to change - for his father, his sister, his step-mother or his mother. She just has to be herself. Because that is who he loves best.
So she walks down the aisle in a dress and the ring is divine but the man she is marrying is more important.
She remembers the tears, the drowning in the pit of her own failure and then the gasp of fresh air when she remembered how to swim again.
Life is hard, but Blair Waldorf is made of sterner stuff.
She remembers waiting by her phone for him to call and then recalling that there is no more them. There is no more ChuckandBlair. The power couple, the royalty of both the social and political situation on the upper east side.
Now it's just Chuck. Charles Bass. Business tycoon and known deviant.
And Blair. Blair Cornelia Waldorf. Tragic transfer to Columbia and manipulative bitch.
(They forgot to add: broken.)
She thinks with regret that things could've been different.
Her memories summon up walks through Central Park with Cabbage Patch and she wonders when that relationship came into fruition.
Somewhere after W, before her reuniting with Chuck and her relationship with Louis...
It is hazy those memories - it was such a long time ago - but Blair doesn't forget her time with Dan.
She treasures it.
She retains tidbits of conversations, smells, sounds and tastes.
His jibe about her requiring more care and attention than a souffle when she'd complained about walking to the cinema in the wind.
The smell of his shirt in the rain on that Friday afternoon when they met on the Bridge.
The sound of the subway from his open window everytime she accidentally slept over.
And the taste of breath after his morning coffee.
She retains these encapsulations of moments to peruse at her own leisure.
When she is alone and nothing can disturb her. Sometimes, the silence around her get's so unbearable she has to replay these moments.
And when she does, when she does, she feels.
She feels a little less like Blair Waldorf.
And a little more like herself.
Several years down the track, she wonders if things could've changed.
Maybe they could've tried once more.
Maybe he could've compromised.
Maybe she could've compromised.
But whatever it is, she isn't sorry.
Because the moments - the tastes, the sounds, the heartbreaks, the broken dreams and childhoods - all lead them to where they are now.
So when she turns off the nightlight and takes off her reading glasses, and an arm draws her closer, she regrets nothing.
Because when he whispers, iloveyou into her hair before he drifts into sleep, Blair knows she made the right choices.
They brought her here.
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Characters: Blair Waldorf
Pairing: Blair/Dan, (Blair/Chuck, Blair/Nate minor)
Genre/Rating: Reflection/Fluff
Summary: She used to have pigtails and wear oversized bangles she stole from her mother's boudoir. Now she's discarded headbands and changed the costume jewellery for couture and she feels more out of place than ever.
+
Blair used to be so young. Her hair would always be arranged in an elaborate set of playful curls. Her shoes were patent ballet flats that were never scuffed, never dirty. Anywhere she went, she would blink dolefully and look up at her father.
"Daddy..."
And she'd follow it up with something she wanted.
A pony, a sleepover with Serena, a visit to her Mother's atelier, an expensive handbag or a hug.
It is with regret that she said goodbye to her childhood so early. She sacrificed her youth for YSL and her amelioration for adulthood.
She used to be so young.
She used to be so happy.
On her sixteenth birthday she blew out the candles by herself and sat with stockinged feet as the twelth of november clocked over.
Her phone buzzed and she remembered the small smile that graced her face when she heard Nate's voice.
"Blair? Happy birthday beautiful..."
Somehow she got tangled up in the web that was Chuck Bass. She remembered the euphoric feeling of having won the match after so many blows. But it had been worth it. Worth it to see the thriving business man achieve greatness because she had believed in him.
It didn't matter really because it had all blown up in her face. The lies, the games, the masochism, the scandals and the drama. She hadn't grown in that relationship at all - desperate to keep Chuck, Blair felt her juvenile games had only gotten more petty. She'd been desperate to remind him of who he was and fix him.
It was just a delusion to think that deflecting would end up fixing her.
She always imagined she would walk down the aisle with Nate. She imagined the Cornelius Vanderbilt on her finger and a Lacroix secured around her trim waist. She saw herself as the Head of the Whitney and entertaining at the Archibald's every Sunday.
She wondered when the fantasy changed to a darker theme. When Chuck entered the scene, she never imagined them getting married. The idea of Blair Bass seemed entirely unthinkable after the calamitous situations which had brought them to a unsteady relationship. Instead, she saw herself as ambassador for several charities and philanthropic organisations.
And yet..
And yet... it all changed again.
As she stands behind Serena with a bouquet of peonies, she is astounded at how much an impact the men of her life have dictated her future.
But when she looks at the man looking right at her, she knows that it will be ok. She doesn't have to change - for his father, his sister, his step-mother or his mother. She just has to be herself. Because that is who he loves best.
So she walks down the aisle in a dress and the ring is divine but the man she is marrying is more important.
She remembers the tears, the drowning in the pit of her own failure and then the gasp of fresh air when she remembered how to swim again.
Life is hard, but Blair Waldorf is made of sterner stuff.
She remembers waiting by her phone for him to call and then recalling that there is no more them. There is no more ChuckandBlair. The power couple, the royalty of both the social and political situation on the upper east side.
Now it's just Chuck. Charles Bass. Business tycoon and known deviant.
And Blair. Blair Cornelia Waldorf. Tragic transfer to Columbia and manipulative bitch.
(They forgot to add: broken.)
She thinks with regret that things could've been different.
Her memories summon up walks through Central Park with Cabbage Patch and she wonders when that relationship came into fruition.
Somewhere after W, before her reuniting with Chuck and her relationship with Louis...
It is hazy those memories - it was such a long time ago - but Blair doesn't forget her time with Dan.
She treasures it.
She retains tidbits of conversations, smells, sounds and tastes.
His jibe about her requiring more care and attention than a souffle when she'd complained about walking to the cinema in the wind.
The smell of his shirt in the rain on that Friday afternoon when they met on the Bridge.
The sound of the subway from his open window everytime she accidentally slept over.
And the taste of breath after his morning coffee.
She retains these encapsulations of moments to peruse at her own leisure.
When she is alone and nothing can disturb her. Sometimes, the silence around her get's so unbearable she has to replay these moments.
And when she does, when she does, she feels.
She feels a little less like Blair Waldorf.
And a little more like herself.
Several years down the track, she wonders if things could've changed.
Maybe they could've tried once more.
Maybe he could've compromised.
Maybe she could've compromised.
But whatever it is, she isn't sorry.
Because the moments - the tastes, the sounds, the heartbreaks, the broken dreams and childhoods - all lead them to where they are now.
So when she turns off the nightlight and takes off her reading glasses, and an arm draws her closer, she regrets nothing.
Because when he whispers, iloveyou into her hair before he drifts into sleep, Blair knows she made the right choices.
They brought her here.