Alive Still
I haven't posted in here in what feels like an eternity. I can't really say why, but I suppose largely I was attempting to forget who I had been. I know that probably sounds rather strange and I used this journal previously in a very quixotic manner. I use to write my dreams, my aspirations, my struggles my tribulations in here. I've got another journal I've been writing in a little bit lately, but that one has been focused on my more recent writing project. I don't somehow feel comfortable writing about myself in that journal. I don't really know why, so thus I've returned to here again.
Looking over this journal it reflects a place and time I'm no longer in, the HTML really needs a face lift to something more reflective of me. But the question remains, who am I really? It’s a question I've asked of myself for a long time and I still don't think I have the answer. I keep groping for light and direction and coming up short. I'm not as prone as before to my serious bouts of depression, maybe it’s because I'm medicated now, or maybe it’s simply because I've gotten older and wiser who knows.
What’s changed since last time I wrote in here? I've gotten married and had a child. My daughter is probably the most beautiful creature alive, she’s a year and a half now and bring more light into my life than anything. I served in the US Army, completed my training but it came to light that I'd had a history of battling depression and they gave me an honorable discharge and sent me home. After the Army I moved to a new city, Raleigh, North Carolina. The city here is really pretty and the seasons are amazing. But I find myself missing the familiar and altogether lonely at times. I look to the stars and wonder what my friends and family back home are doing and I can't help but think I may never see some of them again.
I don’t hear from anyone back home really, which is feeding this sense of disconnected. I’m a stranger in a strange land. My family calls from time to time but that’s about it. I just feel like I’m floating on an ocean at sea with my family against the world. I’m starting to float back towards the world of music again as I’m feeling that familiar restlessness, it’s almost like a discontent, a savage beast tugging at my inner soul begging for release.
Restless, that’s what I feel lately, I feel like something is on the horizon and I don’t know what it is exactly. I have a feeling I know what it is, but if I whisper too loudly what I think, the whole world feels prone to falling in on my head. I can feel the ghosts of my past around every corner and reminding me of those lost days. Even after years and miles my broken feet still bleed for want of walking to the next undiscovered country. …. Yeah I’m still crazy and still my own worst enemy.
Looking over this journal it reflects a place and time I'm no longer in, the HTML really needs a face lift to something more reflective of me. But the question remains, who am I really? It’s a question I've asked of myself for a long time and I still don't think I have the answer. I keep groping for light and direction and coming up short. I'm not as prone as before to my serious bouts of depression, maybe it’s because I'm medicated now, or maybe it’s simply because I've gotten older and wiser who knows.
What’s changed since last time I wrote in here? I've gotten married and had a child. My daughter is probably the most beautiful creature alive, she’s a year and a half now and bring more light into my life than anything. I served in the US Army, completed my training but it came to light that I'd had a history of battling depression and they gave me an honorable discharge and sent me home. After the Army I moved to a new city, Raleigh, North Carolina. The city here is really pretty and the seasons are amazing. But I find myself missing the familiar and altogether lonely at times. I look to the stars and wonder what my friends and family back home are doing and I can't help but think I may never see some of them again.
I don’t hear from anyone back home really, which is feeding this sense of disconnected. I’m a stranger in a strange land. My family calls from time to time but that’s about it. I just feel like I’m floating on an ocean at sea with my family against the world. I’m starting to float back towards the world of music again as I’m feeling that familiar restlessness, it’s almost like a discontent, a savage beast tugging at my inner soul begging for release.
Restless, that’s what I feel lately, I feel like something is on the horizon and I don’t know what it is exactly. I have a feeling I know what it is, but if I whisper too loudly what I think, the whole world feels prone to falling in on my head. I can feel the ghosts of my past around every corner and reminding me of those lost days. Even after years and miles my broken feet still bleed for want of walking to the next undiscovered country. …. Yeah I’m still crazy and still my own worst enemy.