February 9th
So my birthday is less than an hour away and I have so little passion for it.
It seems other people are much more excited for it than I am.
Thinking about it actually makes me a little sad.
I don't like pressure to do something sentimental.
I don't like being told when to give gifts, I don't like being told when to say I love you, and I don't like being told when I am supposed to celebrate. I like to do those things when I am pushed and motivated from the heart. When it is expected from me, I push it away.
There is one tradition I typically do on my birthday. That is I reflect on my last year, go through the seasons, and remember the important moments.
I usually get sick on my birthday too, but surprisingly not so this year.
Here is my 20th year in review...
Winter
Right off the bat, I was depressed. I hated what business school stood for and I was trying hard to stay away from hurtful desires. It depressed me. I felt so much, but I chose not to act and it killed me inside. I hated not knowing. And I was teased every day. Even in my dreams.
Spring
I tried really hard to change things for the better, but I failed. However, I kept my integrity. I got overwhelmed by school finals and it dominated me for a while.
Summer
What a terrible season this was for me. I had no idea what it held, what kind of complications. It started off with a horrid dream. It scared me, but reminded of what I held most important. I then confessed this and received something beautiful. I finally moved back to my original hall after I realized how spiritually weak I had become. Little did I know that beautiful reception would be my downfall.
I started trying to concentrate again on what is most important.
I took a break from life. I went on vacation. The first vacation I actually paid for with my own money. It was such an ego boost. I never had so many girls after me in my life except for maybe junior high. Also, it was a beautiful all-inclusive resort, including drinks, and I just had a great time.
Beauty came over and corrupted me.
Rumblings of emotions were beginning.
I grew a beard. My boss apparently was crazy about it. Said I looked like a model. "It highlighted my bone structure."
My connection was reaching its apex.
I got into a terrible fight with Al at the Waterfire. I was so embarrassed.
I then stumbled.
Autumn
I took printmaking.
I expressed myself and the most challenging battle I had ever faced.
Winter
The battle finally ended.
The after effects are still lingering.
And here I am.
On my way to school. My last semester. I feel so strong and I know I've been blessed. I'm working really hard.
My car is officially broken down now and I need a new one. In 5 minutes I will be 21 and I will roll my eyes at the pats on the back and the wink-winks. I have to wake up soon for my assembly this weekend. I cannot wait for this assembly. Its just what I need.
It seems other people are much more excited for it than I am.
Thinking about it actually makes me a little sad.
I don't like pressure to do something sentimental.
I don't like being told when to give gifts, I don't like being told when to say I love you, and I don't like being told when I am supposed to celebrate. I like to do those things when I am pushed and motivated from the heart. When it is expected from me, I push it away.
There is one tradition I typically do on my birthday. That is I reflect on my last year, go through the seasons, and remember the important moments.
I usually get sick on my birthday too, but surprisingly not so this year.
Here is my 20th year in review...
Winter
Right off the bat, I was depressed. I hated what business school stood for and I was trying hard to stay away from hurtful desires. It depressed me. I felt so much, but I chose not to act and it killed me inside. I hated not knowing. And I was teased every day. Even in my dreams.
Spring
I tried really hard to change things for the better, but I failed. However, I kept my integrity. I got overwhelmed by school finals and it dominated me for a while.
Summer
What a terrible season this was for me. I had no idea what it held, what kind of complications. It started off with a horrid dream. It scared me, but reminded of what I held most important. I then confessed this and received something beautiful. I finally moved back to my original hall after I realized how spiritually weak I had become. Little did I know that beautiful reception would be my downfall.
I started trying to concentrate again on what is most important.
I took a break from life. I went on vacation. The first vacation I actually paid for with my own money. It was such an ego boost. I never had so many girls after me in my life except for maybe junior high. Also, it was a beautiful all-inclusive resort, including drinks, and I just had a great time.
Beauty came over and corrupted me.
Rumblings of emotions were beginning.
I grew a beard. My boss apparently was crazy about it. Said I looked like a model. "It highlighted my bone structure."
My connection was reaching its apex.
I got into a terrible fight with Al at the Waterfire. I was so embarrassed.
I then stumbled.
Autumn
I took printmaking.
I expressed myself and the most challenging battle I had ever faced.
Winter
The battle finally ended.
The after effects are still lingering.
And here I am.
On my way to school. My last semester. I feel so strong and I know I've been blessed. I'm working really hard.
My car is officially broken down now and I need a new one. In 5 minutes I will be 21 and I will roll my eyes at the pats on the back and the wink-winks. I have to wake up soon for my assembly this weekend. I cannot wait for this assembly. Its just what I need.