Now Or Never For dealing_death

[encom_flynn]

It felt like forever since they had met that night Selene kept Sam’s ass from being arrested. Since that take they had spent that night at the carnival, various nights in and out of the Grid and their places. Sam had never felt happier with things at the moment. The way they play fought, had fun and just relaxed around one another was like nothing

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[dealing_death]

"Sam...." Her heart was pounding in her chest. Selene never expected him to say that. Not that. Shock filled her eyes. "Oh my god..." She had rarely ever been rendered speechless. This stilled her heart and stole her breath.

While all she should be thinking about was her answer she couldn't help but think about who would hurt him for being this close to her. His words scared her. Not because she was scared of him, but of what risk this put him at.

For the longest time she just stared at the black box and the ring sitting inside.

"Sam...." She swallowed hard. Selene didn't want to lose him but she wasn't sure she was ready for this. Not after the ringer Tommy had put her through. "Can this be a promise?" Her eyes were scared and nervous as she looked up at him. The last thing she wanted was to chase him away but she needed more time. "I just...need a little more time."

[encom_flynn]

No it wasn’t the answer he had hoped for but as her words sank in Sam didn’t stop staring at her. Those eyes he loved now looked scared and very different to the ones he had just been staring into. His heart missed several beats. “I know this is a big step but I can’t see my future without you in it.” He sighed and let the serious expression turn into a faint smile, his hand came up to cup her face and keep her looking at him.

“Take all the time you need. I won’t be going anywhere.” Sam leant in and gave her a kiss. It was softest kiss that was meant only for Selene andhen it ended he wrapped his arms around and held her as the fireworks went off in the distance. At least out here on the balcony they were alone and away from everything else. “I love you. I’ll always be here when you are ready.”

Resting his head on top of hers he pulled his jacket around her a little so she could keep warm.

[dealing_death]

"I-- I was humiliated the first time. Personally, professionally....I've never been hurt like that before." Selene felt she owed him an explination. How could she be so cold as to turn this proposal away? Tears were burning her eyes as she continued trying to explain.

"He took everything from me. Part of myself...my child. He embarrassed me publicly.....I'm scared Sam...I'm so scared." She took the ring out of the box and put it on her right hand instead of the left. Tears were falling down he cheeks and in that moment she hated herself for what she must be doing to him. No man would take such a rejection so well. She was shocked he was still standing there. "A promise. I promise. Just.....I need more time."

[encom_flynn]

He held her in his arms, his heart feeling like it at sunk in his chest. “I know you’ve been through a lot which is why I’m not sad. I want you to take that time and know this is what you want rather than just say yes. You need to be sure and if you’ve been burned before it’s understandable you don’t want to walk through the fire just yet.”

Sam took in another deep breath and felt the front of his shirt getting wet through obvious tears. He started to stroke her hair, playing with it like he usually did when they were in bed. “Don’t cry. I told you I’m not going anywhere.”

“When you look at that ring I don’t want you ever feel bad or think you have hurt me. I want you to know that I love you, I always will do and I’ll always be there to catch you if you fall. I promise.” He kissed the top of her head and thought about taking her to the bedroom, just to curl up and be with one another.

[dealing_death]

He could tell her how okay it was, how he understood and would be there no matter what, but as close as they were it was easy to hear the way his heart had raced then dropped. She could never give him this moment back. This perfect moment he had planned for and she had ruined.

"I am sure about you, I want you." Selene had no doubts about being with him. It felt impossible to explain without making it worse. "I'm so sorry, Sam....god I am sorry."

She laid her forehead against his chest and sniffled. Never in her life had she felt so badly for hurting someone. "Can we lay down?"

[encom_flynn]

He took her to their room in the apartment and once they were under the sheets Sam opened his arm for Selene to cuddle into him if she wanted to. There would be plenty of other chances for perfect moments like this. Sam didn’t regret asking her to marry him he just wished he had learnt more of what her ex husband had done to her

[dealing_death]

"I go through everything alone I always have." Her voice was distant as she laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. "However, when running for a public office your personal life comes under a microscope. Everything is public knowledge. My inability to keep my marriage together after just a few short months made me look unstable, incapable."

In many ways Selene believed what the papers had said about her. She had failed.

"Sam, you'll always wonder if I just don't love you enough. That if I could marry him why can't I marry you?" It made her ache in a horrible way. She loves him enough. More than enough.....

Rolling over she pulled the pillow into her chest and buried her face in it. "I had no idea you wanted this...."

[encom_flynn]

“I don’t think that.” He worried he had hurt her in a different way and done something too soon too fast when he should have slowed down. Although he didn’t regret purposing he’d hate to know he pushed her away so Sam thought the best thing he could do was explain to her much as she was to him.

“I don’t think you don’t love me enough I think you love me so much you want to make sure this time it’s the right time.” His breath caught in his throat a little. “I do want it but I want you to be ready for it and I know you’ll tell me when you are.” The arm he extended out for her to curl into him he took back she was buried her face in the pillow. He knew she was in love with him. It was clear they were meant to be together but Sam didn’t want his proposal to worry her about their relationship.

“I don’t want you to go through anything alone.” Sam brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You make me happy past anything I can explain...”

[dealing_death]

Selene was quiet for a very long time. While she didn't say a word she stared at the beautiful ring he had gotten for her. They had hardly known each other for more then a few months and already he knew he so well. Every word he said touched her, made her think. Made her realize she wasn't turning him down because she didn't love him, but because she was scared.

When had she ever let fear stop her from what she wanted?

After a long period of silence she took the ring off of her right hand and put it on her left. She looked over at Sam and sighed.

"What would you say to a long engagement?"

[encom_flynn]

He noticed that she sighed before looking at him. “I’m happy with that but I’m happy if you don’t want to be.” Sam turned to look into those eyes. “I know you’re in love with me but go at your own pace. I’ll still be here.”

Sam really didn’t want Selene to settle for anything less than she wanted. Her happiness was the only thing on his mind if now wasn’t the time then he was determined to find more opportunities in the future. “All I want is us and for you to be happy.”

[dealing_death]

"Sam Flynn, shut up." He hadn't asked her to marry him because he wanted her to be happy. Sam asked because he wanted her in his life, wanted a commitment meant to be as solid as rock.

"I want to marry you."

[encom_flynn]

Sam turned to look up at the ceiling, and pulled the sheet a little more comfortable around himself. “I know you are the one. I don’t know how I know but I know.” He took a breath. “You know that I’m the one too. We fix and nothing can come between us.”

When she said that she wanted to marry him Sam’s heart felt like it fell out of his chest. It made him excited, made him happy past anything anyone could understand. “I know you do and I know you’re scared. A long engagement is fine with me Selene we don’t have to rush.”

[dealing_death]

"Shut up, Sam." She growled playfully at him. "I know you are excited." He was playing it cool and collected but she knew, she could hear that flutter of his heart.

"I want to marry you." Selene pulled him closer and kissed him hard.

[encom_flynn]

Sam wasn’t expecting that. He’d offered his arm out to her and Selene instead took the pillow and buried her face in it so Sam took that as a sign of space which is why he kept staring up at the ceiling while they spoke. The kiss she just gave him took him totally off his guard. Her lips feeling so soft as Sam deepened their kiss made his heart pound so hard in his chest. “No rushing, just and me taking everything head on together.”

After the kiss he playfully nudged the tip of her nose with his, wanting to see that smile that drove him crazy.

[dealing_death]

"Just us." She whispered back. Cupping his face with her hand she let her thumb trace the curve of his mouth. "I love you." Selene wasn't an overly romantic woman. She knew she didn't tell him often enough what he meant to her. Her lips turned up and she smiled at him. "I love you so much."

[encom_flynn]

His forehead rested against hers for that moment. “I love you too, just the same.” His arms curled around her just enjoying the moment and wanting to feel Selene’s breathing against his chest. He knew she was scared and had a horrible past when it came to this but Sam, although making a bold move, really didn’t want to rush them. Selene had already given him her heart and he would prove to her that this time it wasn’t ever going to break.

“You’re not allowed to move from this spot.” He rested his head comfortably on top of hers. “I’ll let you get out the bed in the morning.”