My HD FanFair fic: Hippogriff Indoors
Title: Hippogriff Indoors
Author: enchanted_jae
Prompt Number: PROMPT #71
Book Title: Handbook of Hippogriff Psychology
Rating: PG13
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco pre-slash
Summary: Drinking and brewing potions don't mix, which Draco learns when he spills hippogriff pheromones on himself. Now, he must deal with a randy hippogriff inside the Manor, an unhelpful house-elf, self-important ancestors, his least-favorite former teacher, and, oh yes, Harry Potter.
Warnings/Content Notes: (highlight for details): *Slight bestiality*
Word Count: 4475
Author's Notes: I'd like to thank my beta sassy_cissa for helping make this presentable. I made some post-beta changes, which means any remaining mistakes are my own.
Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy had gone to France to visit the family of a distant relative, leaving Draco unsupervised in the Manor. Draco behaved himself for all of two days, occupying his time with ordering the house-elves about and brewing some practice potions. He quickly grew bored with behaving, and his ennui led to him seeking out his father's hidden stash of firewhisky. The first glass went down so smoothly that Draco decided to have another.
By the time Draco finished his third glass of firewhisky, he was somewhat unsteady on his feet. That was why he reckoned he should quit drinking and turn to a tamer pursuit, such as brewing another potion.
Draco tottered up the steps to the upper level of the Manor. Unlike most potion crafters, Draco preferred to brew in a bright, well-ventilated area. For that reason, his lab was set up in what had once been a small ballroom on the third floor. A large veranda led off from it, and Draco would often open the doors to allow fresh air into the lab as he brewed. He leafed through his book of potions, selected one, then walked in a semi-straight line to his supply cupboard to get the ingredients he would need.
Draco almost dropped a jar of fish scales. As he fumbled to maintain his grip, another item fell off of the shelf, shattered against the jar in his hands, and splashed a musky scented liquid all over him.
"Bloody, buggering hell," muttered Draco. He backed out of the cupboard, jar of scales still clutched in his hands, and blinked in the bright light. Draco squinted at the shard of glass still resting precariously atop the jar. Hippogriff Pheromones, the label read.
Draco scowled. "Bimbo!" he shouted.
A small house-elf popped into existence in front of Draco. "You is needing Bimpa's help, sir?" she asked.
"Clean up this mess," Draco ordered. He spun on his heel, lost his balance and nearly fell before striding somewhat unsteadily back to his work table. "And, bring me some of that dragon saliva," Draco added.
"Yes sir, Master Malfoy, sir," sighed Bimpa.
xXx
Draco stared at the congealed mess in his cauldron. He would have shaken his head in despair at his failure, but he knew the motion would only exacerbate his aching head. Draco made a mental note to never again attempt brewing while he was pissed. He sighed and wiped his hands on a tea towel. One of the house-elves could deal with this disaster. As Draco opened his mouth to bellow, a loud clatter from the veranda distracted him.
Draco looked outside, rubbed his eyes, and looked again.
A hippogriff was standing on the balcony.
As Draco gaped at it in disbelief, the large creature approached one of the open set of French doors and ducked its head to peer inside the ballroom-cum-potions lab. Its beady eyes fastened on Draco, and it cocked its head to the side and made an odd crooning noise.
"Shoo!" said Draco, waving the tea towel at the beast. "Off with you now!"
Rather than take its leave, the hippogriff took two steps forward, into the ballroom. It crooned again.
"Get out of here, you overgrown chicken!" shouted Draco.
The beast responded by barging fully into the ballroom. It spread its enormous wings and opened its beak to emit a shrill shriek. Draco's answering shriek of terror was equally shrill. He went for his wand, only to have it drop from his shaking hand. It rolled beneath his work table. Draco started to bend and reach for his wand, but the hippogriff chose that moment to advance on him.
Draco yelped and moved to put the sturdy work table between them. "Go away, you manky pigeon!" he cried.
The feathers on the hippogriff's neck ruffled, and it flapped its wings in agitation.
Belatedly, Draco recalled Hagrid teaching them that hippogriffs were proud beasts, and that they appreciated respect. He drew in a deep breath and gave it his best effort. "You're a magnificent beast, aren't you?" Draco murmured in a placating manner.
The beast in question cocked its head and crooned again. It swung its hindquarters around to stand sideways to Draco, turned to look at him, and pranced in place.
Draco began to relax. Now all he needed to do was coax the filthy creature outside. As Draco tried to formulate another compliment, he observed the hippogriff's cock descend from its sheath. Draco's eyes widened in horror.
Hippogriff pheromones
He had spilled hippogriff pheromones on himself. The damned, ruddy beast wanted to mate with him!
There was only one thing to do.
"Bimple!" Draco yelled. "Help!"
The house-elf appeared with a faint pop. "You is needing Bimp-holy shit!"
Draco was so stunned to hear even a mild profanity coming from a house-elf that he was rendered speechless. She vanished as quickly as she had appeared, and Draco was left blinking at the space where she had been.
The hippogriff arched its neck and warbled. Its enormous cock was still dangling out there in full view, and Draco cringed anew. He had to escape before the stupid bird skewered him. Draco looked longingly in the direction of the doorway. The hippogriff was between him and his escape route, but he didn't dare bolt for the balcony. His only hope lay in making it through the door, which was too narrow for the beast to navigate. Hippogriffs were fleet of foot, but Draco hoped the element of surprise would give him an adequate head start. He eased out from behind the table and took a cautious step towards the door.
The hippogriff chirped and took a step towards Draco.
Draco panicked and ran.
The randy beast gave chase.
Draco screamed and put on a burst of speed. He had the presence of mind to zig-zag, knowing the large creature chasing him was not agile enough to match his movements. Draco made it to the open doorway and vaulted through it. He turned and slammed the door shut. The hippogriff collided with the door and jarred Draco's arms through the wood. Thankfully, the sturdy oak held firm. An enraged shriek sounded on the other side, followed by the sound of talons raking at the wood.
Draco turned and fled for the stairs.
xXx
Draco had been unable to locate Bippy. He would have wrung her scrawny neck, had he gotten hold of her. Draco was getting nervous, which was not a good thing in his current, inebriated state. He could hear the hippogriff one floor above him. It was thundering up and down the length of the ballroom-turned-lab, and Draco had heard several thuds and crashes. He wished the damned thing would simply leave the way it had arrived, but it seemed he was out of luck.
Draco retreated to his father's study to pace and fret.
"Whatever is the matter, boy?" sniffed a haughty Malfoy from an old portrait.
"There's a hippogriff loose in the Manor," Draco replied absently.
"A hippogriff, you say? You've clearly imbibed too much."
Draco rounded on his ancestor in a strop. "I may have had a glass or two of firewhisky, but I am not pissed!" he insisted. "There is most definitely a hippogriff running amuck on the third floor!"
The elder Malfoy squared his shoulders, no doubt to chastise Draco once again. A sudden shriek from one of the other portraits snared the attention of both of them.
"A hippogriff!" shrilled a deceased Lady Malfoy. "There's a hippogriff above stairs!"
Draco shot the male Malfoy a smug look. "I told you so," he drawled.
"Well, don't just stand there, boy, do something about it!"
"I don't know what to do about it!" cried Draco, throwing his hands in the air.
"Begging your pardon, lads," interrupted another two-dimensional Malfoy, "but I used to be the Gameskeeper at Hogwarts."
"Gameskeeper?!" Draco repeated, aghast at the thought of one of his ancestors mucking about with animals.
The gentleman in the portrait drew himself up with affront. His hair was snow-white, and he had a bushy beard and a hefty paunch. "Young man, I will have you know that Hogwarts' Gameskeeper is an old and honorable position," he intoned.
Deciding he needed all the help he could get, Draco refrained from arguing with him. "Of course, sir," he said. "Now, how can I get rid of that beast?"
"First of all, don't insult such a magnificent creature," replied the Gameskeeper. "They are proud beasts."
Draco winced, and the old man groaned. "You've done it already, haven't you?" he growled.
"I was scared!" Draco blustered, attempting to defend his actions. "That gigantic fowl tried to attack me!"
Bushy-beard actually face-palmed and shook his head. "Only one thing can help you now," he said. "You'll need the Handbook of Hippogriff Psychology. Perhaps that will enable you to coax the great beast into leaving."
Draco brightened. "What section of our library is the book in?" he asked politely.
"There's only one copy of that particular book, boy," said the elder Malfoy. "You'll find it among the effects of Hogwarts' current Gameskeeper."
Draco's euphoria deflated with an almost audible pop.
xXx
After another shot of liquid courage, Draco commandeered a spare wand, grabbed his old school broom and Apparated to Hogsmeade. He sighed in relief when he discovered he had managed it without splinching himself. Draco swung a leg over his broom, stumbled sideways, righted himself, and kicked off. He flew towards Hogwarts, relieved when the wards surrounding the castle grounds allowed him to pass. Sometime, in the course of his flight, Draco had concocted a brilliant plan. Rather than borrow a manky book from Hagrid, he would simply get the giant to come to the Manor and take care of the hippogriff for him.
Decision made, Draco veered in the direction of Hagrid's hut, grimacing as his stomach threatened a rebellion. The ramshackle hut came into view, and Draco began his descent. He landed hard enough to jar himself and promptly fell on his arse.
"Damned, uneven ground," Draco muttered. He clambered to his feet and brushed at himself, swearing anew when he realized he'd torn his robes. Draco considered attempting to repair them, then gave up on it as a lost cause. He would have Boppy take care of it when he returned home.
Draco saw another broom leaning against a wooden fence. He shrugged and placed his own broom near it. Hagrid probably used the other broom to sweep up animal dung. Draco marched towards the hut, not aware he was listing sideways. He raised his fist and knocked sharply on the door.
The door opened, and Draco blinked. He must have had more to drink than he'd realized. Draco rubbed his eyes and looked again. "Potter!" he spat. "What are you doing here?"
Potter had the cheek to smirk at him. "I could ask you the same question, Malfoy," he said.
Draco looked down his nose at Potter. "I am here to speak to Hagrid," he announced.
"Hagrid is busy," said Potter. "Bugger off."
"Now, Harry," came a voice from inside the hut, "stop actin' like a brat and let Malfoy in."
Potter glared at Draco, and it was Draco's turn to smirk as Potter reluctantly stepped aside and beckoned him in. Draco paused while his eyes adjusted to the dim interior. His heart sank when he beheld Hagrid, seated before the hearth with one leg swaddled in bandages and propped up on a stool.
"What can I do fer ye, Malfoy?" Hagrid asked gruffly.
Draco looked from him to Potter. Neither one of them seemed too encouraging. Draco swallowed his pride. "I need help," he said, trying to sound humble. "There's a hippogriff loose in the Manor."
Instead of sympathy, Draco was subjected to laughter and ridicule.
"I thought I smelled alcohol on your breath, Malfoy," jeered Potter, "but I didn't realize how pissed you were."
Indignation stiffened Draco's spine. "I am not pissed," he snapped. "There really is a hippogriff inside the Manor." He turned his attention to Hagrid. "I understand you have a book that may help. A hippogriff psychology manual or somesuch?"
"Ye don't need a book t'tame a hippogriff, Malfoy," said Hagrid. "Ye just have to be respectful. They're proud beasts, they are." His eyes narrowed on Draco. "Ye've already gone and insulted it, haven't ye?"
"It tried to attack me!" cried Draco, wondering why everyone automatically placed the blame on him for this ridiculous incident.
"Forgive me for asking," Potter interjected, "but how in Godric's name did a hippogriff get inside your home?" He wrinkled his nose and took a step closer to Draco. "What is that smell?"
Draco's cheeks burned. He'd been so frantic that he'd forgotten about spilling something on himself. Draco cleared his throat and admitted, "I may have spilled a drop or two of hippogriff pheromones on me while brewing a potion."
"Malfoy, you moron!" bellowed Hagrid. "It's hippogriff mating season, it is! Why, it's a bloody wonder ye don't have an entire herd of 'em flittin' and flappin' about the place." The half-giant waved his hands for emphasis, upsetting a basket and spilling its contents on the floor.
Hagrid turned to Potter. "Ye'd best go with 'im, Harry," he said. "If'n ye don't, Malfoy here is like as not to get buggered by a hippogriff, and we don't want that to happen."
Draco was touched by his former teacher's obvious concern for him.
Hagrid continued grumbling, "Poor beast'd probably catch some nasty disease from the likes o' Malfoy."
Draco's jaw dropped, and he sputtered at the insult.
"How am I to reason with a randy hippogriff?!" Potter demanded, ignoring Draco for the moment.
"Ye know how to talk to 'em, Harry," said Hagrid. "Ye jus' need to convince the horny bugger to leave. If things get too dangerous, ye can always surrender Malfoy to 'im and hope for the best."
"I say!" Draco protested.
"Where is that book that Malfoy mentioned?" asked Potter.
Hagrid shrugged. "Packed away in one o' these trunks, I reckon," he replied. "I doubt it'd do ye much good any how. No fancy psychology is goin' to work on a hippogriff in the midst of rut."
Draco cringed at the word rut. He mustered a half-hearted sneer when Potter aimed a glare in his direction.
"Come on then, Malfoy," grumbled Potter. "Let's get this over with."
xXx
Once they'd cleared Hogwarts' demesne on their brooms, Potter had insisted on performing a side-along Apparation to the Manor. Draco decided it was easier to allow it than to argue about it, especially since he still needed Potter's cooperation to rid his home of the sex-crazed hippogriff. The brief contact with Potter had caused an unwelcome reaction in Draco's trousers. He blamed it on the fact that Potter was looking rather fit, and he was tired of having only his hand and a few toys for company. Draco wondered briefly if hippogriff pheromones affected Gryffindors. Probably not. He'd have to make due with his favorite vibrating-
"Where is it?" asked Potter.
"Where is what?" Draco blurted, embarrassed to have been caught thinking about sex toys at a time like this.
"The hippogriff, you dolt!"
"Oh, yes, that," sighed Draco. "The last I knew, it was prowling about the third floor. I closed the door to the corridor, so unless it left by way of the balcony, it should still be up there." He stood outside of the Manor and looked up at the windows.
"Let's hope it left on its own," sighed Potter. He gestured to the front door. "Lead the way, Malfoy."
"Why do I have to go in first?!" Draco protested.
"Because I can't open the bloody door!"
Draco was forced to admit to himself that Potter had a valid point. He could do this. He was a Malfoy, and the ancestral home had been invaded. It was his duty to protect Malfoy Manor. Draco stiffened his spine and his upper lip, ignored his semi-stiff cock, and marched up to his home. He cautiously opened the door and peered inside the marble foyer.
"Bumpy?" Draco whispered.
The small house-elf appeared. "Master Malfoy," she squeaked, "you is needing to get rid of that thing!"
Draco's shoulders slumped. So much for hoping the hippogriff had gotten bored and flown the coop. He stepped inside, followed closely by Potter.
"Mister Harry Potter, sir!" chirped the house-elf, sweeping into a curtsy. "Bimpa is so happy to see you! You is getting rid of the creature?"
"I'm going to try, Bimpa," Potter replied.
Draco was dismayed to realize that Potter was addressing the house-elf with more courtesy and respect than he'd used when speaking to him.
Potter crossed the expanse of the foyer and halted at the foot of the wide staircase. Draco trailed after him uncertainly. Potter looked back at him and frowned. "Let's go, Malfoy," he said. "The sooner we get this done, the better." He began to ascend the stairs, and Draco reluctantly followed.
"Good luck, Mister Harry Potter, sir!" the house-elf called after them.
Draco made a mental note to banish Bambi to the dungeons for her disloyalty to him. He was distracted from thoughts of torture by the sight of Potter's firm arse in front of him. So fixated was Draco on those taut, perfect globes that he almost planted his nose in Potter's bum when Potter abruptly stopped on the landing.
Potter cocked his head to the side. "Listen," he said. "I hear hooves."
"That would be the hippogriff, which you didn't believe was inside of my home, Potter."
"It wouldn't have come inside at all if you hadn't gotten pissed and spilled pheromones on yourself," Potter retorted.
"Thank you for that self-righteous lecture, O Hero of the Wizarding World," snapped Draco, relieved to be arguing with Potter again. It was familiar territory, unlike the bewildering attraction he currently felt towards his childhood rival.
Potter grumbled under his breath, but he chose not to respond. No doubt, he couldn't come up with a witty riposte. He resumed climbing stairs, making his way to the third floor with Draco bringing up the rear.
Draco's eyes glued themselves to Potter's backside again. Speaking of rears-
"Why don't you open it, Malfoy?"
"I beg your pardon?!"
Potter huffed in exasperation. "The door, Malfoy," he growled. "Either open the damned door to the room where the hippogriff is, or point it out to me."
"Are you mad?!" cried Draco. "If we open the door, the ruddy beast will escape!"
"I can't very well talk to it through a closed door, Malfoy."
"Why not?"
"Because it would be disrespectful," said Potter. "Did you miss the part where Hagrid told you that hippogriffs are very proud and noble creatures?"
"Did you miss the part where it wants to violate me?!"
Potter had the utter gall to laugh. "I can't blame him," said Potter. "You're a bit of alright these days. I'd bugger you myself if you weren't such an annoying prat."
Draco was aware his mouth had dropped open, but he couldn't seem to close it again.
"Which option do you prefer, Malfoy?" Potter asked. His voice had dropped, almost to the realm of verbal caress.
Draco sought to gather his wits. "I-I reckon I'd rather be buggered by you, Potter," he murmured.
Potter's eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "I meant, would you like to open the door, or do you wish to point it out to me?" he asked.
Draco ground his back teeth together in anger and frustration.
Potter leaned close and whispered, "I'm gratified to know you'd let me shag you, however."
Draco raised his chin and attempted to look down his nose at Potter, despite being two steps below him. "I only said that because I'm quite certain you have a little willy, Potter," he sniffed. "Certainly, it's much smaller than the hippogriff's."
Potter's smirk faded and was replaced with a scowl.
Draco mentally congratulated himself on scoring a direct hit.
Potter's eyes gleamed in challenge. "How do you know what size cock the hippogriff has, Malfoy?" he taunted.
"It was dangling out there for Merlin and anyone to see!" Draco blustered.
Potter simply snickered and shook his head. "Which door is it?" he asked.
"The third door on the left," Draco replied. He needn't have bothered. The door in question rattled in its frame, accompanied by the sound of talons raking it. Draco forgot about his pride and grabbed a handful of Potter's shirt as they approached the door.
"Please stand back," Potter said in a loud voice. "I am opening the door."
"Stop yelling at me," Draco hissed. "I intend to keep you between me and that beast."
"I was talking to the hippogriff."
"Oh."
There was a clatter of hooves from the other side of the door, followed by silence. Potter drew in a deep breath and opened the door a crack. When nothing happened, he grew bold enough to open the door completely. Potter stepped into Draco's potions lab with Draco clinging tightly to his shirt.
Potter bowed to the impressive creature that awaited them.
The hippogriff arched its neck, and its crest ruffled.
"I don't think it wants to make friends," Draco whispered.
The hippogriff's beady eyes fastened on him, and it crooned.
"I think it wants to get very friendly with you," Potter whispered back.
Draco whimpered and plastered himself to Potter's solid back.
The hippogriff emitted a shrill shriek of anger, and it reared up, head barely missing the ceiling.
"What a magnificent creature you are," Potter tried. "However, you don't belong here," he added. "This is a human dwelling, and you need to be among your own kind. We respectfully ask that you take your leave."
The hippogriff raised a taloned foreleg and swiped at Potter, who stumbled back. Draco was forced to brace himself to prevent both of them from tumbling to the floor. "Potter!" he hissed. "Reasoning with it isn't working!"
"Really, Malfoy?" drawled Potter. "I thought we were making excellent progress."
The hippogriff screeched again.
"Do something, Potter!"
"Don't worry, Malfoy," said Potter, unholstering his wand. "I have a plan."
The hippogriff charged, and Potter aimed his wand at it. "Reducio!"
Draco cringed and closed his eyes, fearing he was about to be torn to pieces by the great, bloody chicken. Or, worse yet, impaled on its enormous, equine cock. Draco didn't open his eyes again until he felt a small tug on the leg of his trousers. He opened his eyes and looked down to see a miniature hippogriff happily humping his leg.
"Ugh!"
Potter laughed. "Just relax and think of England, Malfoy," he quipped.
Draco would have punched Potter in the nose, had he not needed to maintain his grip on Potter's shirt for balance as he attempted to shake the tiny menace off of his person.
"Aw, let him finish, Malfoy," chided Potter. "It's the least you can do for confusing him and causing him to come here when he should be out courting lady hippogriffs."
Draco opened his mouth to berate Potter when the little hippogriff gave a happy chirp and lurched away, leaving a damp spot on Draco's trousers.
"Disgusting," Draco sneered.
"Was it good for you, too?" taunted Potter. He laughed when Draco gave him an angry shove. Potter bent to scoop up the giddy hippogriff and carried it to the open balcony doors. He stepped outside and gave the small creature a gentle toss. The hippogriff spread its wings and caught a current of air. It began to circle, and Potter aimed his wand at it again. "Engorgio!" he shouted, restoring the hippogriff to its full size. It banked to the right and flew away. Potter stepped back inside of the lab and closed the doors behind him.
The two of them stared at one another across the lab, and silence stretched uncomfortably between them. Potter broke it first. "I believe you owe me a heartfelt thank you," he said.
"You let that vile beast molest me, and you expect me to thank you for it?!"
Potter approached slowly, brows rising above the rim of his glasses. "Shall I molest you and make it all better?" he asked, voice low and husky.
"Yes," breathed Draco. He frowned and shook his head. "I mean, no. That is, I...what are you suggesting?"
"A shag, Malfoy," said Potter. "At least give me a chance to prove to you that my cock isn't as small as you insinuated."
Draco's lips twitched. "Is it as large as a hippogriff's?" he asked.
Potter closed the gap between them. They weren't quite touching, but either of them could remedy that by reaching out. "There's only one sure way to find out," said Potter.
Draco warmed to the flirtation. "I need a shower," he demurred.
"You can shower afterward."
Draco peered at Potter through his lashes and made up his mind. He might never get another chance to sample Potter's goods. "I'll shower afterward," he said.
Potter's answering grin was all predatory male, and Draco shivered at the heat in Potter's eyes. "Bombay!" he called.
The house-elf arrived with a pop. "Is the beastie gone, Mister Harry Potter, sir?" she asked, addressing Potter.
"Indeed, it is, Bimpa," said Potter.
Draco elected to let the elf's transgression slide. "Mister Harry Potter will be staying on for a bit, Bumble," he said. "Please turn down the sheets on my bed."
The elf's large eyes grew even larger, and a happy smile split her homely face. "Yes sir, Master Malfoy, sir!" she exclaimed. She even saluted Draco before disappearing again to do his bidding.
Potter gestured to the open door with a wave of his hand. "Lead the way, Malfoy," he said for the second time that day.
This time, Draco was happy to oblige him. "With pleasure," he said, taking Potter's hand and leading him from the potions lab. Draco shivered anew when Potter's breath stirred his hair.
"The pleasure will be all mine, Malfoy."
Author: enchanted_jae
Prompt Number: PROMPT #71
Book Title: Handbook of Hippogriff Psychology
Rating: PG13
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco pre-slash
Summary: Drinking and brewing potions don't mix, which Draco learns when he spills hippogriff pheromones on himself. Now, he must deal with a randy hippogriff inside the Manor, an unhelpful house-elf, self-important ancestors, his least-favorite former teacher, and, oh yes, Harry Potter.
Warnings/Content Notes: (highlight for details): *Slight bestiality*
Word Count: 4475
Author's Notes: I'd like to thank my beta sassy_cissa for helping make this presentable. I made some post-beta changes, which means any remaining mistakes are my own.
Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy had gone to France to visit the family of a distant relative, leaving Draco unsupervised in the Manor. Draco behaved himself for all of two days, occupying his time with ordering the house-elves about and brewing some practice potions. He quickly grew bored with behaving, and his ennui led to him seeking out his father's hidden stash of firewhisky. The first glass went down so smoothly that Draco decided to have another.
By the time Draco finished his third glass of firewhisky, he was somewhat unsteady on his feet. That was why he reckoned he should quit drinking and turn to a tamer pursuit, such as brewing another potion.
Draco tottered up the steps to the upper level of the Manor. Unlike most potion crafters, Draco preferred to brew in a bright, well-ventilated area. For that reason, his lab was set up in what had once been a small ballroom on the third floor. A large veranda led off from it, and Draco would often open the doors to allow fresh air into the lab as he brewed. He leafed through his book of potions, selected one, then walked in a semi-straight line to his supply cupboard to get the ingredients he would need.
Draco almost dropped a jar of fish scales. As he fumbled to maintain his grip, another item fell off of the shelf, shattered against the jar in his hands, and splashed a musky scented liquid all over him.
"Bloody, buggering hell," muttered Draco. He backed out of the cupboard, jar of scales still clutched in his hands, and blinked in the bright light. Draco squinted at the shard of glass still resting precariously atop the jar. Hippogriff Pheromones, the label read.
Draco scowled. "Bimbo!" he shouted.
A small house-elf popped into existence in front of Draco. "You is needing Bimpa's help, sir?" she asked.
"Clean up this mess," Draco ordered. He spun on his heel, lost his balance and nearly fell before striding somewhat unsteadily back to his work table. "And, bring me some of that dragon saliva," Draco added.
"Yes sir, Master Malfoy, sir," sighed Bimpa.
xXx
Draco stared at the congealed mess in his cauldron. He would have shaken his head in despair at his failure, but he knew the motion would only exacerbate his aching head. Draco made a mental note to never again attempt brewing while he was pissed. He sighed and wiped his hands on a tea towel. One of the house-elves could deal with this disaster. As Draco opened his mouth to bellow, a loud clatter from the veranda distracted him.
Draco looked outside, rubbed his eyes, and looked again.
A hippogriff was standing on the balcony.
As Draco gaped at it in disbelief, the large creature approached one of the open set of French doors and ducked its head to peer inside the ballroom-cum-potions lab. Its beady eyes fastened on Draco, and it cocked its head to the side and made an odd crooning noise.
"Shoo!" said Draco, waving the tea towel at the beast. "Off with you now!"
Rather than take its leave, the hippogriff took two steps forward, into the ballroom. It crooned again.
"Get out of here, you overgrown chicken!" shouted Draco.
The beast responded by barging fully into the ballroom. It spread its enormous wings and opened its beak to emit a shrill shriek. Draco's answering shriek of terror was equally shrill. He went for his wand, only to have it drop from his shaking hand. It rolled beneath his work table. Draco started to bend and reach for his wand, but the hippogriff chose that moment to advance on him.
Draco yelped and moved to put the sturdy work table between them. "Go away, you manky pigeon!" he cried.
The feathers on the hippogriff's neck ruffled, and it flapped its wings in agitation.
Belatedly, Draco recalled Hagrid teaching them that hippogriffs were proud beasts, and that they appreciated respect. He drew in a deep breath and gave it his best effort. "You're a magnificent beast, aren't you?" Draco murmured in a placating manner.
The beast in question cocked its head and crooned again. It swung its hindquarters around to stand sideways to Draco, turned to look at him, and pranced in place.
Draco began to relax. Now all he needed to do was coax the filthy creature outside. As Draco tried to formulate another compliment, he observed the hippogriff's cock descend from its sheath. Draco's eyes widened in horror.
Hippogriff pheromones
He had spilled hippogriff pheromones on himself. The damned, ruddy beast wanted to mate with him!
There was only one thing to do.
"Bimple!" Draco yelled. "Help!"
The house-elf appeared with a faint pop. "You is needing Bimp-holy shit!"
Draco was so stunned to hear even a mild profanity coming from a house-elf that he was rendered speechless. She vanished as quickly as she had appeared, and Draco was left blinking at the space where she had been.
The hippogriff arched its neck and warbled. Its enormous cock was still dangling out there in full view, and Draco cringed anew. He had to escape before the stupid bird skewered him. Draco looked longingly in the direction of the doorway. The hippogriff was between him and his escape route, but he didn't dare bolt for the balcony. His only hope lay in making it through the door, which was too narrow for the beast to navigate. Hippogriffs were fleet of foot, but Draco hoped the element of surprise would give him an adequate head start. He eased out from behind the table and took a cautious step towards the door.
The hippogriff chirped and took a step towards Draco.
Draco panicked and ran.
The randy beast gave chase.
Draco screamed and put on a burst of speed. He had the presence of mind to zig-zag, knowing the large creature chasing him was not agile enough to match his movements. Draco made it to the open doorway and vaulted through it. He turned and slammed the door shut. The hippogriff collided with the door and jarred Draco's arms through the wood. Thankfully, the sturdy oak held firm. An enraged shriek sounded on the other side, followed by the sound of talons raking at the wood.
Draco turned and fled for the stairs.
xXx
Draco had been unable to locate Bippy. He would have wrung her scrawny neck, had he gotten hold of her. Draco was getting nervous, which was not a good thing in his current, inebriated state. He could hear the hippogriff one floor above him. It was thundering up and down the length of the ballroom-turned-lab, and Draco had heard several thuds and crashes. He wished the damned thing would simply leave the way it had arrived, but it seemed he was out of luck.
Draco retreated to his father's study to pace and fret.
"Whatever is the matter, boy?" sniffed a haughty Malfoy from an old portrait.
"There's a hippogriff loose in the Manor," Draco replied absently.
"A hippogriff, you say? You've clearly imbibed too much."
Draco rounded on his ancestor in a strop. "I may have had a glass or two of firewhisky, but I am not pissed!" he insisted. "There is most definitely a hippogriff running amuck on the third floor!"
The elder Malfoy squared his shoulders, no doubt to chastise Draco once again. A sudden shriek from one of the other portraits snared the attention of both of them.
"A hippogriff!" shrilled a deceased Lady Malfoy. "There's a hippogriff above stairs!"
Draco shot the male Malfoy a smug look. "I told you so," he drawled.
"Well, don't just stand there, boy, do something about it!"
"I don't know what to do about it!" cried Draco, throwing his hands in the air.
"Begging your pardon, lads," interrupted another two-dimensional Malfoy, "but I used to be the Gameskeeper at Hogwarts."
"Gameskeeper?!" Draco repeated, aghast at the thought of one of his ancestors mucking about with animals.
The gentleman in the portrait drew himself up with affront. His hair was snow-white, and he had a bushy beard and a hefty paunch. "Young man, I will have you know that Hogwarts' Gameskeeper is an old and honorable position," he intoned.
Deciding he needed all the help he could get, Draco refrained from arguing with him. "Of course, sir," he said. "Now, how can I get rid of that beast?"
"First of all, don't insult such a magnificent creature," replied the Gameskeeper. "They are proud beasts."
Draco winced, and the old man groaned. "You've done it already, haven't you?" he growled.
"I was scared!" Draco blustered, attempting to defend his actions. "That gigantic fowl tried to attack me!"
Bushy-beard actually face-palmed and shook his head. "Only one thing can help you now," he said. "You'll need the Handbook of Hippogriff Psychology. Perhaps that will enable you to coax the great beast into leaving."
Draco brightened. "What section of our library is the book in?" he asked politely.
"There's only one copy of that particular book, boy," said the elder Malfoy. "You'll find it among the effects of Hogwarts' current Gameskeeper."
Draco's euphoria deflated with an almost audible pop.
xXx
After another shot of liquid courage, Draco commandeered a spare wand, grabbed his old school broom and Apparated to Hogsmeade. He sighed in relief when he discovered he had managed it without splinching himself. Draco swung a leg over his broom, stumbled sideways, righted himself, and kicked off. He flew towards Hogwarts, relieved when the wards surrounding the castle grounds allowed him to pass. Sometime, in the course of his flight, Draco had concocted a brilliant plan. Rather than borrow a manky book from Hagrid, he would simply get the giant to come to the Manor and take care of the hippogriff for him.
Decision made, Draco veered in the direction of Hagrid's hut, grimacing as his stomach threatened a rebellion. The ramshackle hut came into view, and Draco began his descent. He landed hard enough to jar himself and promptly fell on his arse.
"Damned, uneven ground," Draco muttered. He clambered to his feet and brushed at himself, swearing anew when he realized he'd torn his robes. Draco considered attempting to repair them, then gave up on it as a lost cause. He would have Boppy take care of it when he returned home.
Draco saw another broom leaning against a wooden fence. He shrugged and placed his own broom near it. Hagrid probably used the other broom to sweep up animal dung. Draco marched towards the hut, not aware he was listing sideways. He raised his fist and knocked sharply on the door.
The door opened, and Draco blinked. He must have had more to drink than he'd realized. Draco rubbed his eyes and looked again. "Potter!" he spat. "What are you doing here?"
Potter had the cheek to smirk at him. "I could ask you the same question, Malfoy," he said.
Draco looked down his nose at Potter. "I am here to speak to Hagrid," he announced.
"Hagrid is busy," said Potter. "Bugger off."
"Now, Harry," came a voice from inside the hut, "stop actin' like a brat and let Malfoy in."
Potter glared at Draco, and it was Draco's turn to smirk as Potter reluctantly stepped aside and beckoned him in. Draco paused while his eyes adjusted to the dim interior. His heart sank when he beheld Hagrid, seated before the hearth with one leg swaddled in bandages and propped up on a stool.
"What can I do fer ye, Malfoy?" Hagrid asked gruffly.
Draco looked from him to Potter. Neither one of them seemed too encouraging. Draco swallowed his pride. "I need help," he said, trying to sound humble. "There's a hippogriff loose in the Manor."
Instead of sympathy, Draco was subjected to laughter and ridicule.
"I thought I smelled alcohol on your breath, Malfoy," jeered Potter, "but I didn't realize how pissed you were."
Indignation stiffened Draco's spine. "I am not pissed," he snapped. "There really is a hippogriff inside the Manor." He turned his attention to Hagrid. "I understand you have a book that may help. A hippogriff psychology manual or somesuch?"
"Ye don't need a book t'tame a hippogriff, Malfoy," said Hagrid. "Ye just have to be respectful. They're proud beasts, they are." His eyes narrowed on Draco. "Ye've already gone and insulted it, haven't ye?"
"It tried to attack me!" cried Draco, wondering why everyone automatically placed the blame on him for this ridiculous incident.
"Forgive me for asking," Potter interjected, "but how in Godric's name did a hippogriff get inside your home?" He wrinkled his nose and took a step closer to Draco. "What is that smell?"
Draco's cheeks burned. He'd been so frantic that he'd forgotten about spilling something on himself. Draco cleared his throat and admitted, "I may have spilled a drop or two of hippogriff pheromones on me while brewing a potion."
"Malfoy, you moron!" bellowed Hagrid. "It's hippogriff mating season, it is! Why, it's a bloody wonder ye don't have an entire herd of 'em flittin' and flappin' about the place." The half-giant waved his hands for emphasis, upsetting a basket and spilling its contents on the floor.
Hagrid turned to Potter. "Ye'd best go with 'im, Harry," he said. "If'n ye don't, Malfoy here is like as not to get buggered by a hippogriff, and we don't want that to happen."
Draco was touched by his former teacher's obvious concern for him.
Hagrid continued grumbling, "Poor beast'd probably catch some nasty disease from the likes o' Malfoy."
Draco's jaw dropped, and he sputtered at the insult.
"How am I to reason with a randy hippogriff?!" Potter demanded, ignoring Draco for the moment.
"Ye know how to talk to 'em, Harry," said Hagrid. "Ye jus' need to convince the horny bugger to leave. If things get too dangerous, ye can always surrender Malfoy to 'im and hope for the best."
"I say!" Draco protested.
"Where is that book that Malfoy mentioned?" asked Potter.
Hagrid shrugged. "Packed away in one o' these trunks, I reckon," he replied. "I doubt it'd do ye much good any how. No fancy psychology is goin' to work on a hippogriff in the midst of rut."
Draco cringed at the word rut. He mustered a half-hearted sneer when Potter aimed a glare in his direction.
"Come on then, Malfoy," grumbled Potter. "Let's get this over with."
xXx
Once they'd cleared Hogwarts' demesne on their brooms, Potter had insisted on performing a side-along Apparation to the Manor. Draco decided it was easier to allow it than to argue about it, especially since he still needed Potter's cooperation to rid his home of the sex-crazed hippogriff. The brief contact with Potter had caused an unwelcome reaction in Draco's trousers. He blamed it on the fact that Potter was looking rather fit, and he was tired of having only his hand and a few toys for company. Draco wondered briefly if hippogriff pheromones affected Gryffindors. Probably not. He'd have to make due with his favorite vibrating-
"Where is it?" asked Potter.
"Where is what?" Draco blurted, embarrassed to have been caught thinking about sex toys at a time like this.
"The hippogriff, you dolt!"
"Oh, yes, that," sighed Draco. "The last I knew, it was prowling about the third floor. I closed the door to the corridor, so unless it left by way of the balcony, it should still be up there." He stood outside of the Manor and looked up at the windows.
"Let's hope it left on its own," sighed Potter. He gestured to the front door. "Lead the way, Malfoy."
"Why do I have to go in first?!" Draco protested.
"Because I can't open the bloody door!"
Draco was forced to admit to himself that Potter had a valid point. He could do this. He was a Malfoy, and the ancestral home had been invaded. It was his duty to protect Malfoy Manor. Draco stiffened his spine and his upper lip, ignored his semi-stiff cock, and marched up to his home. He cautiously opened the door and peered inside the marble foyer.
"Bumpy?" Draco whispered.
The small house-elf appeared. "Master Malfoy," she squeaked, "you is needing to get rid of that thing!"
Draco's shoulders slumped. So much for hoping the hippogriff had gotten bored and flown the coop. He stepped inside, followed closely by Potter.
"Mister Harry Potter, sir!" chirped the house-elf, sweeping into a curtsy. "Bimpa is so happy to see you! You is getting rid of the creature?"
"I'm going to try, Bimpa," Potter replied.
Draco was dismayed to realize that Potter was addressing the house-elf with more courtesy and respect than he'd used when speaking to him.
Potter crossed the expanse of the foyer and halted at the foot of the wide staircase. Draco trailed after him uncertainly. Potter looked back at him and frowned. "Let's go, Malfoy," he said. "The sooner we get this done, the better." He began to ascend the stairs, and Draco reluctantly followed.
"Good luck, Mister Harry Potter, sir!" the house-elf called after them.
Draco made a mental note to banish Bambi to the dungeons for her disloyalty to him. He was distracted from thoughts of torture by the sight of Potter's firm arse in front of him. So fixated was Draco on those taut, perfect globes that he almost planted his nose in Potter's bum when Potter abruptly stopped on the landing.
Potter cocked his head to the side. "Listen," he said. "I hear hooves."
"That would be the hippogriff, which you didn't believe was inside of my home, Potter."
"It wouldn't have come inside at all if you hadn't gotten pissed and spilled pheromones on yourself," Potter retorted.
"Thank you for that self-righteous lecture, O Hero of the Wizarding World," snapped Draco, relieved to be arguing with Potter again. It was familiar territory, unlike the bewildering attraction he currently felt towards his childhood rival.
Potter grumbled under his breath, but he chose not to respond. No doubt, he couldn't come up with a witty riposte. He resumed climbing stairs, making his way to the third floor with Draco bringing up the rear.
Draco's eyes glued themselves to Potter's backside again. Speaking of rears-
"Why don't you open it, Malfoy?"
"I beg your pardon?!"
Potter huffed in exasperation. "The door, Malfoy," he growled. "Either open the damned door to the room where the hippogriff is, or point it out to me."
"Are you mad?!" cried Draco. "If we open the door, the ruddy beast will escape!"
"I can't very well talk to it through a closed door, Malfoy."
"Why not?"
"Because it would be disrespectful," said Potter. "Did you miss the part where Hagrid told you that hippogriffs are very proud and noble creatures?"
"Did you miss the part where it wants to violate me?!"
Potter had the utter gall to laugh. "I can't blame him," said Potter. "You're a bit of alright these days. I'd bugger you myself if you weren't such an annoying prat."
Draco was aware his mouth had dropped open, but he couldn't seem to close it again.
"Which option do you prefer, Malfoy?" Potter asked. His voice had dropped, almost to the realm of verbal caress.
Draco sought to gather his wits. "I-I reckon I'd rather be buggered by you, Potter," he murmured.
Potter's eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "I meant, would you like to open the door, or do you wish to point it out to me?" he asked.
Draco ground his back teeth together in anger and frustration.
Potter leaned close and whispered, "I'm gratified to know you'd let me shag you, however."
Draco raised his chin and attempted to look down his nose at Potter, despite being two steps below him. "I only said that because I'm quite certain you have a little willy, Potter," he sniffed. "Certainly, it's much smaller than the hippogriff's."
Potter's smirk faded and was replaced with a scowl.
Draco mentally congratulated himself on scoring a direct hit.
Potter's eyes gleamed in challenge. "How do you know what size cock the hippogriff has, Malfoy?" he taunted.
"It was dangling out there for Merlin and anyone to see!" Draco blustered.
Potter simply snickered and shook his head. "Which door is it?" he asked.
"The third door on the left," Draco replied. He needn't have bothered. The door in question rattled in its frame, accompanied by the sound of talons raking it. Draco forgot about his pride and grabbed a handful of Potter's shirt as they approached the door.
"Please stand back," Potter said in a loud voice. "I am opening the door."
"Stop yelling at me," Draco hissed. "I intend to keep you between me and that beast."
"I was talking to the hippogriff."
"Oh."
There was a clatter of hooves from the other side of the door, followed by silence. Potter drew in a deep breath and opened the door a crack. When nothing happened, he grew bold enough to open the door completely. Potter stepped into Draco's potions lab with Draco clinging tightly to his shirt.
Potter bowed to the impressive creature that awaited them.
The hippogriff arched its neck, and its crest ruffled.
"I don't think it wants to make friends," Draco whispered.
The hippogriff's beady eyes fastened on him, and it crooned.
"I think it wants to get very friendly with you," Potter whispered back.
Draco whimpered and plastered himself to Potter's solid back.
The hippogriff emitted a shrill shriek of anger, and it reared up, head barely missing the ceiling.
"What a magnificent creature you are," Potter tried. "However, you don't belong here," he added. "This is a human dwelling, and you need to be among your own kind. We respectfully ask that you take your leave."
The hippogriff raised a taloned foreleg and swiped at Potter, who stumbled back. Draco was forced to brace himself to prevent both of them from tumbling to the floor. "Potter!" he hissed. "Reasoning with it isn't working!"
"Really, Malfoy?" drawled Potter. "I thought we were making excellent progress."
The hippogriff screeched again.
"Do something, Potter!"
"Don't worry, Malfoy," said Potter, unholstering his wand. "I have a plan."
The hippogriff charged, and Potter aimed his wand at it. "Reducio!"
Draco cringed and closed his eyes, fearing he was about to be torn to pieces by the great, bloody chicken. Or, worse yet, impaled on its enormous, equine cock. Draco didn't open his eyes again until he felt a small tug on the leg of his trousers. He opened his eyes and looked down to see a miniature hippogriff happily humping his leg.
"Ugh!"
Potter laughed. "Just relax and think of England, Malfoy," he quipped.
Draco would have punched Potter in the nose, had he not needed to maintain his grip on Potter's shirt for balance as he attempted to shake the tiny menace off of his person.
"Aw, let him finish, Malfoy," chided Potter. "It's the least you can do for confusing him and causing him to come here when he should be out courting lady hippogriffs."
Draco opened his mouth to berate Potter when the little hippogriff gave a happy chirp and lurched away, leaving a damp spot on Draco's trousers.
"Disgusting," Draco sneered.
"Was it good for you, too?" taunted Potter. He laughed when Draco gave him an angry shove. Potter bent to scoop up the giddy hippogriff and carried it to the open balcony doors. He stepped outside and gave the small creature a gentle toss. The hippogriff spread its wings and caught a current of air. It began to circle, and Potter aimed his wand at it again. "Engorgio!" he shouted, restoring the hippogriff to its full size. It banked to the right and flew away. Potter stepped back inside of the lab and closed the doors behind him.
The two of them stared at one another across the lab, and silence stretched uncomfortably between them. Potter broke it first. "I believe you owe me a heartfelt thank you," he said.
"You let that vile beast molest me, and you expect me to thank you for it?!"
Potter approached slowly, brows rising above the rim of his glasses. "Shall I molest you and make it all better?" he asked, voice low and husky.
"Yes," breathed Draco. He frowned and shook his head. "I mean, no. That is, I...what are you suggesting?"
"A shag, Malfoy," said Potter. "At least give me a chance to prove to you that my cock isn't as small as you insinuated."
Draco's lips twitched. "Is it as large as a hippogriff's?" he asked.
Potter closed the gap between them. They weren't quite touching, but either of them could remedy that by reaching out. "There's only one sure way to find out," said Potter.
Draco warmed to the flirtation. "I need a shower," he demurred.
"You can shower afterward."
Draco peered at Potter through his lashes and made up his mind. He might never get another chance to sample Potter's goods. "I'll shower afterward," he said.
Potter's answering grin was all predatory male, and Draco shivered at the heat in Potter's eyes. "Bombay!" he called.
The house-elf arrived with a pop. "Is the beastie gone, Mister Harry Potter, sir?" she asked, addressing Potter.
"Indeed, it is, Bimpa," said Potter.
Draco elected to let the elf's transgression slide. "Mister Harry Potter will be staying on for a bit, Bumble," he said. "Please turn down the sheets on my bed."
The elf's large eyes grew even larger, and a happy smile split her homely face. "Yes sir, Master Malfoy, sir!" she exclaimed. She even saluted Draco before disappearing again to do his bidding.
Potter gestured to the open door with a wave of his hand. "Lead the way, Malfoy," he said for the second time that day.
This time, Draco was happy to oblige him. "With pleasure," he said, taking Potter's hand and leading him from the potions lab. Draco shivered anew when Potter's breath stirred his hair.
"The pleasure will be all mine, Malfoy."