pondering
there is semi no point in updating this as the only person who reads this - steve - has a blwo by blow of my life anyhow. lots going on. in england. stuck in enlgand more like it. had a cyst go in my fallopian tube and joy of joys had emergency surgery and am currently awaiting the happy day that i get to return to the states. which is a week from now. i do not know what i am going to do about school long term. i only know that if i opt not to go i have to do something really worthwhile with myself and as yet i am not sure what that will be. i would like to write and i have spent a lot of my time trying to get that together. i am really dedicated to it. hopefully it'll work out. fun times ahead in san antonio for recovery. i miss john. i want to go back home to our apartment and our cat. i need that security. i am wondering a little about john and i. not because i don'tlove him but because maybe i want to see that we are really ok after all that has happened this holiday season. let me tell you this trip has been a complete nightmare. a complete nioghtmare with very few redeeming qualities. i hope when i am back in our apartment it will feel like it normaly does- good. we are thinking of getting married dec.17th. i grow a little nervous. i love john- he makes me feel so secure. i just wish i could tie up a few loose ends. but in reality i'd be waiting my entire life to do that as i don't the loose ends i want tied ever really can be.