Es geht sehr miserabel

[enasni_v]

I can't deal with this anymore. My body is falling apart from the stress and unhappiness and screaming and crying and constant insane rush of emotions. I'm nauseous. My guts are twisted and gnarled. My head is light. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. Would it be best for both of us if we just broke up? I love him. He is me. He is my best friend. He is so unhappy. I don't know what will make him happy. Does he even know? It can't simply be sex. I know that is a big part, but I don't know how to fix that. Maybe Dani was right, maybe I am depressed. Maybe depression took my libido. And work. And stressing out about work and school. I think if he moves out, he'll at least be a little happier. At least his dad won't be able to bug him for asinine things, or for no reason at all, every ten minutes. I just want him to be happy. I wish he would take more classes he actually wanted to take or cared about taking. Not classes for a job and future he abhors with all of his very being. Maybe he just needs to get away from everything for a while. Work, school, family. Me. Just have time to himself to figure out what he wants, what makes him happy. To have more than a minute to just sit and think and breathe and exist for himself and do nothing. He is such an amazing person, but he's been dead, apathetic, not HIM for so long. Because of all of this stress and everyone he knows pulling at him from every single direction. Everyone constantly depending on him. I don't know what to do. Dani says it isn't my job to take on his problems and solve them all. That he needs to figure everything else out on his own for himself. But I want to help. I want to make everything right. I can't see myself without him. I can't. He is such a big part of me.

I've been down the breakup road before. Every single road sign is up, and in multiples.
I feel hollow.