(no subject)
I don't know where to start. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know why I am updating here anymore. I feel physically sick. Something has got to be wrong with me... omg there has to be a pill for this. I don't think it is normal to be this sensitive. I don't think it is normal to have a knot in my stomach all the time, or to have this weight on my chest. There is so much wrong with me, too much. I just want to be happy, and for the people I have had to chance to love to be happy. I am remembering this youth group meeting I went to ( yes I am the walking, talking oxymoron ), and they said depressed people bring others down, so I am actually scared to show when I hurt, so I pretend. I mean, I am not always this way, but i have actually started to cry in front of my friends and just as quickly as I started I stopped and smiled so they wouldn't notice. The worst part is I didn't have a specific reason that I was crying. What does that mean? Maybe I really am bipolar, maybe all i really want is attention, or maybe there is actually something wrong. I don't know, all I know is I strive everyday to be normal, and to laugh, and to be involved and busy and smart and healthy. Also to make memories and have fun. I try so hard to be SOMETHING, I don't even know who I am. Who am I? What in the hell am I doing here? WHAT, WHY?! I need answers... Oh my god my stomach hurts. My MOTHER, oh my god my mother. I just had a flashback to when I told her I thought I was depressed -_-. Oh my god I hurt so much.