representing Peace Corps here
Travelling a lot, seeing the world and being blessed to see foreign places from the inside while being guided by some of the most amazing locals is priceless.
Doing the things described above while being a part of dance community is a blessing.
However, visiting 3 WSDC registry events this year ("registry events" means you can earn points there if you place in the finals, and upon gathering enough points you can move to higher divisions and compete with supposedly better dancers), and talking to those who went to other events, too, made me think about envy and jealousy. I have to put it in words here so that it does not tear me apart from the inside :)
First and foremost - I am actually competitive. I have enjoyed being an A student from my very first school year, and yes, I LOVE achieving stuff. But there is a huge difference between a 7-year-old me and a right-now me, thanks to all the beautiful and painful and useful things that I experienced during the years that separate these two “mes”.
Among other things, I’ve learned that I might get envious and jealous, disappointed or depressed by my under-achievement, but it is SOLELY my problem. No matter how bad my results are and how hurt I am, this should never be an excuse to NOT be nice to those around me, and especially to those who achieved something I failed at. I learned that judging people (and myself) by merits hardly ever works and one should surely look into other aspects of their lives before labeling them as worthy or unworthy people. Merits can become a key to meeting new people or a tool to challenge yourself, but it is by no means anything that makes you better or worse than anyone else.
If you stop having fun along the way and only focus on your merits, if you start considering merits to be a GOAL not a TOOL - that’s where you should probably reconsider your attitude. If you start to limit your communication with others because you feel hostile towards your competitors instead of watching them and getting inspiration from them - that is a real problem. If you reject acknowledging other people’s success just because you personally failed this time - then maybe you should quit and take a break from hanging out with the community altogether. Honestly, at this point you better take a break.
It really breaks my heart to see people from different countries and with different dance skill levels act this way. I understand that for some of them dance is their job, and for others it may be their only way of expressing themselves, or the only interest they’ve got. But making merits the only reason to be in the community… it just feels wrong to me. This applies to office jobs and to homemaking, too…
We all know how important it is to feel support when you’re out there competing or doing an important presentation or what not. We all love those people who turn out to be there for us when we don’t expect them to. A hug, a shout-out, a kind word, an encouraging look or even the fact that they are present in the same room - we all know this is a unique doping. We all love these people and we want them to be there when we need them, but sometimes we are not ready to be such people for someone else…
Guess what - a competition will be over at some point. Your fellow competitors might place higher than you this time, and be all euphoric about their success for a little while. But then everything comes back to normal, you’ll see each other at your weekly dances or everyday office meetings and you’ll have to communicate with them. You might even discover those competitors of yours are actually very nice and talented and great personalities. Why let YOUR envy and disappointment with YOUR under-achievement spoil a chance to learn from and be inspired by this person? Why not deal with it on your own?
Give support and you will get support. And do not blame anyone else for your under-achievement.
I’ll be forever grateful to a smart person who shared this piece of wisdom recently: “A bright and colorful shirt won’t make you noticed on the dancefloor. You just need to be a good dancer to be seen by the judges”.
That pretty much sums it up.