(no subject)
well so i haven't updated in a very very long time. so where should i start. there is just so much to let go but nothing really good. my mom has been veyr sick lately and the doctors aren't too sure of what's going on they did some tests and think if might be cancer but aren't too sure so they are doign a biopsy so make sure and then she needs to get surgery done to stop teh bleeding and stuff. then my mom has been talking alot abotu leaving us, and i am not even sure if i want to get into that. i guess she said the only reasno she is stayign is becuase she thinks i will kill myself if i am left with ym dad but i dont' see that it would make a difference to her because is she leaves she would be leavign me too and then why would that matter if i am alive or not she wouldn't be here to care anyway. dumb bitch, ugh. anyway i think i have been clinging to alot of people tryign to forget things but that has only seemed to make things worse and it seems that some people are angry with me because of it as well. and friday night was when i competly lost it after i got drunk with holly, derek and jer. jer left and holly adn i went in the basement all i really remeber was like shakign and i lost it and started crying and i finally told someoen what was going on with everything at my house or partially. i would so much like to just get away right now.
well i guess you can't always win, you have to learn to deal. and i must say it sucks very much so.