imperfection keeps things interesting
ok, so no boy will ever truly like me, and no relationship with me will ever make it to the 3 month mark. maybe this is the reality i'll have for a long time. i don't know. i really liked him. i mean really liked him. it's a shame that it doesn't matter now. all i can hear is "meghan, uhh, i don't want to go out anymore." it's been running through my head for 15 hours. i slept maybe 4 of them. i feel like an insomniac. maybe just for last night. the only part that really gets to me is the fact that when i do see him, it will never be normal. i will never be able to just call him up like i used to. anytime i will see him will be awkward, and will only be by coincidence. it's a shame so many things remind me of him. before he went to denmark, i knew i would have a chance of getting back together, but now the reality has set in. i don't have a chance now. it can't just go back to normal. oh well, boys are just too complicated, and they mess up my day, and all i do is spend my time thinking about them. oh why did i even get involved in the first place? i didn't even NEED to. i didn't even like him. he just asked me out one day. after all of those talks with people about him, who knew it would ever be a reality? it shouldn't have been. then i just get upset. i don't see the point in going out with people while in high school, because all relationships END. they end, and then you get really upset. no one should have to go through with that. it's not even like i could see myself with anyone else. he was the top of the pyramid. he was me ideal guy. if i could find perfection in a boyfriend, i think it would be him. but now that's gone, and it just hurts to think about not talking to him regularly, or not being able to hug him, without it being awkward. i guess tennis was the best closure i could get, but i can't get past the fact that it's over. i just don't know what to do.