(no subject)
Okay, so I have been awake for about three hours and I already wish today was over.
Apparently expressing my feelings to someone about something is guilt-tripping. Apparently telling someone that they have ruined something for me is being a bitch. Whatever. If people would do what they say they would and mean what they say they would, then these things would not happen. If she and her goddamn clique want to run the organization, then whatever. The big deal is not who is running what. The big deal is...and the PROBLEM is that people cannot be trusted to do what they said they would. Sure, maybe I was kind of excited about the prospect of getting somewhere, but that isn't particularly important. I am used to being disappointed. I am used to things not working out.
So then, my sister calls me and asks why I am ignoring her. I am not ignoring her. This is the first time my phone has rung (and there aren't any missed calls from her), from her in like two weeks. She is getting married on a Friday afternoon and her fiance is going out to Afghanistan. Yes, I realize he could go to war and get fucking killed. Yes, I realize that this is important and she shouldn't have to go through it by herself, but she's saying that our mutual friend Brittany said all these things, when I haven't talked to Brittany in like...3 weeks or more. At least. I kept meaning to call her but never did, so how am I supposed to be bitching to her? That would be incredibly stupid. Unless my sister is lying and it wasn't really Brittany but someone else. I can't recall expressing such frustrations to anyone that would know her except our father, and if he told her...well, I don't see why he would. If he did, it would seriously damage our relationship because while I DON'T want to miss classes that I know I will struggle through (not that she, as someone who has never struggled through anything, would appreciate hardship), it is less important than her wedding. So I was already upset, and she called me all pissed off and now I REALLY feel like crying because I'm not sure what to do. I'm NOT ignoring her, I'm NOT avoiding her, and she refuses to see that anyone BUT her has problems. I have problems. I have more serious problems than bitchy so-called friends, even.
My job is over. He's out of funding, it's over. I have to find another one. I have been looking for another one but nobody really wants to hire people because of the Obama health care thing in October. No job means no income, and how am I supposed to pay my rent with no income? It isn't like someone else is going to feed me cash. It won't happen. Also, I really don't want to move, but if I can't find another roommate I'm going to have to go SOMEWHERE. Fanny moved out and kind of left me holding the bag, so now I've got a 2-bedroom apartment to myself for another month, and all SHE seems concerned about is getting out of August's rent. I can't pay it. Katie doesn't seem to understand that I am NOT GOING TO HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE if something doesn't get better. What am I supposed to do? No, I know what I'm supposed to do because I'm doing it, and it isn't working.
And now she is pissed off at me over something that was never said, and might kick me out of her wedding over the fact that my phone is a piece of shit. When the phone rang, I answered it. There were no missed calls from her. There were no texts from her. I texted HER last Friday and never got an answer. So there is obviously a problem here. Another problem. A whole slew of problems. And no one to turn to. No one or nothing to make it better. People say that things will work out on their own, but they never really do. Not for me.
Sam
Apparently expressing my feelings to someone about something is guilt-tripping. Apparently telling someone that they have ruined something for me is being a bitch. Whatever. If people would do what they say they would and mean what they say they would, then these things would not happen. If she and her goddamn clique want to run the organization, then whatever. The big deal is not who is running what. The big deal is...and the PROBLEM is that people cannot be trusted to do what they said they would. Sure, maybe I was kind of excited about the prospect of getting somewhere, but that isn't particularly important. I am used to being disappointed. I am used to things not working out.
So then, my sister calls me and asks why I am ignoring her. I am not ignoring her. This is the first time my phone has rung (and there aren't any missed calls from her), from her in like two weeks. She is getting married on a Friday afternoon and her fiance is going out to Afghanistan. Yes, I realize he could go to war and get fucking killed. Yes, I realize that this is important and she shouldn't have to go through it by herself, but she's saying that our mutual friend Brittany said all these things, when I haven't talked to Brittany in like...3 weeks or more. At least. I kept meaning to call her but never did, so how am I supposed to be bitching to her? That would be incredibly stupid. Unless my sister is lying and it wasn't really Brittany but someone else. I can't recall expressing such frustrations to anyone that would know her except our father, and if he told her...well, I don't see why he would. If he did, it would seriously damage our relationship because while I DON'T want to miss classes that I know I will struggle through (not that she, as someone who has never struggled through anything, would appreciate hardship), it is less important than her wedding. So I was already upset, and she called me all pissed off and now I REALLY feel like crying because I'm not sure what to do. I'm NOT ignoring her, I'm NOT avoiding her, and she refuses to see that anyone BUT her has problems. I have problems. I have more serious problems than bitchy so-called friends, even.
My job is over. He's out of funding, it's over. I have to find another one. I have been looking for another one but nobody really wants to hire people because of the Obama health care thing in October. No job means no income, and how am I supposed to pay my rent with no income? It isn't like someone else is going to feed me cash. It won't happen. Also, I really don't want to move, but if I can't find another roommate I'm going to have to go SOMEWHERE. Fanny moved out and kind of left me holding the bag, so now I've got a 2-bedroom apartment to myself for another month, and all SHE seems concerned about is getting out of August's rent. I can't pay it. Katie doesn't seem to understand that I am NOT GOING TO HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE if something doesn't get better. What am I supposed to do? No, I know what I'm supposed to do because I'm doing it, and it isn't working.
And now she is pissed off at me over something that was never said, and might kick me out of her wedding over the fact that my phone is a piece of shit. When the phone rang, I answered it. There were no missed calls from her. There were no texts from her. I texted HER last Friday and never got an answer. So there is obviously a problem here. Another problem. A whole slew of problems. And no one to turn to. No one or nothing to make it better. People say that things will work out on their own, but they never really do. Not for me.
Sam