(no subject)
I guess I haven't written in a while....almost a month. I haven't really been around to write much, trying to keep busy...less thinking more doing. Like that ever really works. It just made everything build up and build up...now here I am the first weekend in my appartment in a while all I can do is think, and write and think then write some more.
Last weekend was my Grandparents 60th Anniversary! It was an awesome weekend, they are such an amazing couple. I want that...I want that so badly. I was surrounded by couples...that part really sucked.
I don't understand...I don't understand any of it...I don't know what I did wrong to make him so distant. I don't know why I continue to care about someone who doesn't care about me...not a word...not a phone call or even a simple e-mail...msg on MSN anything...something. I'm just tired of it all. Tired of guessing...tired of making up stories and excuses...wondering. I don't need much...just some reassurance, that I'm not waiting around alone for nothing.
It's all too much...this place, and work, people coming and going in and out of my life without much acknowlegement...where is everybody?? I have always been there for everybody, through everything...when I need someone, I'm alone. How does that happen? I've tried so hard to be a good friend someone everyone can count on...I've been walked on, I've been cried on, I've been puked on and bled on...I've been the one to stop them from taking too many pills...I've been a psychologist to people I don't even know...so why is it then when I feel like falling apart I have no one to even hold my hand? No one to call and ask if I'm okay? Just this journal in cyberspace that no one even reads anymore.
It doesn't matter...I've written more poems in one weekend then I have in months...there's always a silver lining right?
I'm probably just tired and had too much to drink...All I know is I can't keep doing this...I'm tired of being alone...I need someone who loves me consistantly...someone who's going to call, someone who can't wait to talk to me about their day...someone who can tell by the look on my face how my day went but asks me anyway. Someone who's proud to be with me...Someone that will promise not to leave...someone who promises because if you love someone promises aren't hard to keep. I just want someone who will be there you know?
Whatever...I don't know...I should probably just go to bed. I need to try to sleep...
I really miss this place...I guess I'm just a sucker for the past.
Goodnight.
Last weekend was my Grandparents 60th Anniversary! It was an awesome weekend, they are such an amazing couple. I want that...I want that so badly. I was surrounded by couples...that part really sucked.
I don't understand...I don't understand any of it...I don't know what I did wrong to make him so distant. I don't know why I continue to care about someone who doesn't care about me...not a word...not a phone call or even a simple e-mail...msg on MSN anything...something. I'm just tired of it all. Tired of guessing...tired of making up stories and excuses...wondering. I don't need much...just some reassurance, that I'm not waiting around alone for nothing.
It's all too much...this place, and work, people coming and going in and out of my life without much acknowlegement...where is everybody?? I have always been there for everybody, through everything...when I need someone, I'm alone. How does that happen? I've tried so hard to be a good friend someone everyone can count on...I've been walked on, I've been cried on, I've been puked on and bled on...I've been the one to stop them from taking too many pills...I've been a psychologist to people I don't even know...so why is it then when I feel like falling apart I have no one to even hold my hand? No one to call and ask if I'm okay? Just this journal in cyberspace that no one even reads anymore.
It doesn't matter...I've written more poems in one weekend then I have in months...there's always a silver lining right?
I'm probably just tired and had too much to drink...All I know is I can't keep doing this...I'm tired of being alone...I need someone who loves me consistantly...someone who's going to call, someone who can't wait to talk to me about their day...someone who can tell by the look on my face how my day went but asks me anyway. Someone who's proud to be with me...Someone that will promise not to leave...someone who promises because if you love someone promises aren't hard to keep. I just want someone who will be there you know?
Whatever...I don't know...I should probably just go to bed. I need to try to sleep...
I really miss this place...I guess I'm just a sucker for the past.
Goodnight.