new
New Journal. so im going to say anything i feel. No holding back. and if i add you that means no holding back when it comes to commenting. i want to know your feeling about what i say. Anything.
I feel like im looking through smudged windows at someone elses life. The past is getting to my head alot lately. Me sleeping with some guy *name witheld for my reasons*, Joe falling in love with someone else and telling her *name witheld because its my respect to her. dont know if she wants everyone to know* that he will wait for her forever single or not single =...[[[ (extreme tears and sad face). I dont know what to do. im about to break and nobody to talk to about it. Joe wont undertand because hes part of it. I cant go to the one main person that i trust Sam because shes out of town. I dont know what to do. I dont like letting my feelings out. i dont like letting everyone know how weak i really am. Thats how i was raised.
I dont want to live with my mom anymore. I want to move to North Carolina with my father but i dont want to leave joe hes my world and i dont want anything to happen to us again. ive lost him 3 times and all ive had from him is heart break but i think that with heartbreak brings stronger love. and i dont want that to get fucked up again. I dont like how my mom with just let me go because i have an attitude. its like im a pet to her and i do one thing wrong and oh i cant do this anymore i have to get rid of her. Im not a puppy. im her blood and life. she went through 32 hours of pain for me and wants to just drop me on my father. I hate it and dont know what to do. Im going to get emancipated at 17.
Joe turns 18 soon. and hes going to be dating a 16 year old. Im worried thats going to get to him. Im scared that hes gonna get tired of me and think i need someone better. Prettier. Better than Amanda. Im a big cup of mess thats filled to the brim and about to tip. and i dont know how to take it. Im 16 and i worry this much. i cant sleep at night. all i do all day it work around my house. our electric is about to be shut off. I need a job. I need a break from everything. Im about to pop. I need help.
Me and Joe talk about this stuff alot. but it doesnt help me for more than that night. He says if he writes about me fucking up he'll fell better. He still hasent though. We have yet to talk about this stuff face to face. I kinda want to but then i kinda don't because i ball my eyes out when we talk about it and i kinda dont want to do that face to face with him. He crys on the phone with me but weve never cryed face to face before. Well only once and i just held him. I want to talk to him about it face to face but yeah. I want to know what he has to think about this.
♥
AMANDA
♥
I feel like im looking through smudged windows at someone elses life. The past is getting to my head alot lately. Me sleeping with some guy *name witheld for my reasons*, Joe falling in love with someone else and telling her *name witheld because its my respect to her. dont know if she wants everyone to know* that he will wait for her forever single or not single =...[[[ (extreme tears and sad face). I dont know what to do. im about to break and nobody to talk to about it. Joe wont undertand because hes part of it. I cant go to the one main person that i trust Sam because shes out of town. I dont know what to do. I dont like letting my feelings out. i dont like letting everyone know how weak i really am. Thats how i was raised.
I dont want to live with my mom anymore. I want to move to North Carolina with my father but i dont want to leave joe hes my world and i dont want anything to happen to us again. ive lost him 3 times and all ive had from him is heart break but i think that with heartbreak brings stronger love. and i dont want that to get fucked up again. I dont like how my mom with just let me go because i have an attitude. its like im a pet to her and i do one thing wrong and oh i cant do this anymore i have to get rid of her. Im not a puppy. im her blood and life. she went through 32 hours of pain for me and wants to just drop me on my father. I hate it and dont know what to do. Im going to get emancipated at 17.
Joe turns 18 soon. and hes going to be dating a 16 year old. Im worried thats going to get to him. Im scared that hes gonna get tired of me and think i need someone better. Prettier. Better than Amanda. Im a big cup of mess thats filled to the brim and about to tip. and i dont know how to take it. Im 16 and i worry this much. i cant sleep at night. all i do all day it work around my house. our electric is about to be shut off. I need a job. I need a break from everything. Im about to pop. I need help.
Me and Joe talk about this stuff alot. but it doesnt help me for more than that night. He says if he writes about me fucking up he'll fell better. He still hasent though. We have yet to talk about this stuff face to face. I kinda want to but then i kinda don't because i ball my eyes out when we talk about it and i kinda dont want to do that face to face with him. He crys on the phone with me but weve never cryed face to face before. Well only once and i just held him. I want to talk to him about it face to face but yeah. I want to know what he has to think about this.
♥
AMANDA
♥