I cant take much anymore..
It's really getting to me. I finished the Harry Potter book, less than a fucking day, already done. I tried to drown my sorrows in it, but it didnt work, the pain comes back, just as it was before.
The unsettling fact that I probably wont have him anymore is finally seeping in. I'm realizing that tomorrow, it's my last chance, the last time I'll be able to make him see that I'm the one for him, he's the one for me. And, I have a feeling that it wont turn out the way I want it to, that in fact, this really is the end. But it cant be, I dont want it to be. This isnt what I'd imagined at all.
Jon stopped by tonight, seems that he was at Josh's house, and got my ring back for me. Even though I have it back, I still feel incomplete. It's sad, how I thought that a little ring would make me feel better. Even though, some little part of me is comforted by the fact that I have it again, my heart still know's I'm not fully complete. I just wish I could turn back time, do what I should have done: gone to college right after school, stayed at a job. Made him happy, the way he makes me happy. FUCK. Even though I'm sitting here right now, listening to our songs, bawling my eyes out, there is nothing more that I'd want than for him to walk in and just .. just have it like it used to be.
I cant get any of these thoughts out of my head, I've tried everything. This is my second time writting in here, and not to mention the note I've written Josh. I just keep getting thoughts, always jumbled in my head, I cant...I cant help it. I just want him here, with me. Forever.
And tomorrow I'm going to wake up, get dressed and go to that school that I might go to, and look around. I'll pretend to be interested, humoring everyone. When really, the only thing on my mind will be the talk with Josh that I'll have when I come home and call him. And instead of sleeping tonight, what am I going to do? I'm going to lay awake, and think of anything else I could say, anything else I could tell him that would make him want to stay with me. But, the fact is, I know he isnt going to come back to me. I honestly think this is the end for us. If we get back together, I will be most pleasantly surprised. I will be cautious and careful, but insanely happy.
Every person that I tell, I start crying harder. It doesnt matter who they are, just thinking about it makes me a wreck. I just...ack, FUCK. I wish it would be time already. But I suppose for now, I should try to get some sleep. Because...I need it?
The unsettling fact that I probably wont have him anymore is finally seeping in. I'm realizing that tomorrow, it's my last chance, the last time I'll be able to make him see that I'm the one for him, he's the one for me. And, I have a feeling that it wont turn out the way I want it to, that in fact, this really is the end. But it cant be, I dont want it to be. This isnt what I'd imagined at all.
Jon stopped by tonight, seems that he was at Josh's house, and got my ring back for me. Even though I have it back, I still feel incomplete. It's sad, how I thought that a little ring would make me feel better. Even though, some little part of me is comforted by the fact that I have it again, my heart still know's I'm not fully complete. I just wish I could turn back time, do what I should have done: gone to college right after school, stayed at a job. Made him happy, the way he makes me happy. FUCK. Even though I'm sitting here right now, listening to our songs, bawling my eyes out, there is nothing more that I'd want than for him to walk in and just .. just have it like it used to be.
I cant get any of these thoughts out of my head, I've tried everything. This is my second time writting in here, and not to mention the note I've written Josh. I just keep getting thoughts, always jumbled in my head, I cant...I cant help it. I just want him here, with me. Forever.
And tomorrow I'm going to wake up, get dressed and go to that school that I might go to, and look around. I'll pretend to be interested, humoring everyone. When really, the only thing on my mind will be the talk with Josh that I'll have when I come home and call him. And instead of sleeping tonight, what am I going to do? I'm going to lay awake, and think of anything else I could say, anything else I could tell him that would make him want to stay with me. But, the fact is, I know he isnt going to come back to me. I honestly think this is the end for us. If we get back together, I will be most pleasantly surprised. I will be cautious and careful, but insanely happy.
Every person that I tell, I start crying harder. It doesnt matter who they are, just thinking about it makes me a wreck. I just...ack, FUCK. I wish it would be time already. But I suppose for now, I should try to get some sleep. Because...I need it?