14 of 30 - Saucy Tales of Debauchery!
Police
Last night Kristy came to fetch me at around 3am, since her place of habitation is super fascist about parking so I can't just drive over there. As we left my place we saw two police cars parked in a neighbouring street facing opposite directions, the officers talking to eachother through their adjacent driver side windows apparently. Almost immediately after we passed them one the cops turned onto our street behind us. Shortly the other cop car came around as well (presumably as fast as he could make a U-turn).
So we're driving down Russel where its just two lanes, with two cop cars following behind us. Then the front cop car crosses the double-yellow-line and passes us in the opposing lane. It pulls into our lane ahead of us and taps its brakes, despite the fact that being very anxious about the police we are driving about 30 in a 35 zone. So we go down the road for awhile with a cop car in front of us and behind us, including the short portion of the road where there is only one lane (oncoming traffic is routed somewhere else), which made me feel rather distinctly boxed in.
After this section the road opens up to four lanes, at which point the lead cop car moved to our left again, dropped back enough to keep pace with us for a minute, and then allowed himself to drop back a little further.
They stayed with us until we reached the overpass over the 113 which traditionally is the border between West Davis and the rest of Davis, then both abruptly did (illegal?) u-turns right before the bridge.
My theory: either they're ghost cops doomed to haunt West Davis and fundamentally unable to cross over into Central Davis, or they were normal cops bored out of their minds at 3am on a Monday night who decided to fuck with us like the cops in the beginning of Super Troupers, and being assigned to West Davis they couldn't leave their area without a decent reason (such as doughnut craving).
Debauchery
Anyway, Emosnail polling regularly indicates that the readers want more saucy tales of drunken debauchery, and the Annual Review 2005 was no exception, with 2/3rds of respondants asking for more such tales (as well as more philosophical tangents and rants, I have a mandate to ramble!). Anyway, my life has become boring and sedantary and the tales of debauchery are few and far between. However, while out with Garian and Ben the other day we recalled one such particularly saucy tale and I thought I'd recount it here for your shock and amusement. The names have not been changed because those involved have whats coming to them, at least one of the names is important to the story, and I'm insenstive. Parental figures should go ahead and ignore this entry beyond this point.
It was the Spring of freshman year (2002), a time when I was no longer dating Garian, and Fish had already broken my heart, and about a year before I was to meet Kristy. Tom "Sex in the Eyes" Grossman was single as well and hadn't gotten that nickname yet. I was too burdened with 21 units and too heartbroken to have much of a social life, but Tom somehow convinced me to hang out with him and these two girls at his place. Ostensibly maybe it was a double-date, I was really just humouring him though because I was completely emosexual at the time (ie too heartbroken to have any interest in a social life).
The girls were Allegra (yes like the pharmaceutical) and Orla. I don't know where he finds people with these names but he'd had a crush on Allegra for years apparently, having known her from back home in San Diego. So we hung out in Tom's living room and drank and talked. And this went on until, probably somewhat inebriated, Allegra pulled me into the other room to ask why I wasn't flirting with Orla. I'd imagine I managed to generally evade the subject and shortly we were completely distracted if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, I mean we just started joking about something, probably at Tom's expense. Anyway eventually we were like hey we should rejoin the others this probably looks bad so we returned to the living room, only... they were not to be found therein!
A short investigation revealed that the bathroom was occupied. Allegra angrily pounded on the door and demanded to know what was going on. Tom responded that Orla was puking, to which Allegra wanted to know why the door was locked. There was some shuffling and finally the door opened revealing the dishevelled pair. Tom reiterated that he was only helping Orla puke, and Allegra demanded to know why Orla's shirt was now on backwords. Orla appeared to be tot far gone to participate in the proceedings. There followed some heated words between Allegra and Tom before Allegra departed with Orla in tow. Tom grumbled something to me about being about to finish something... In the end I was able to have a good laugh at everyone else's expense.
So there you have it, a classic tale of Tom being predatory and me being emosexual.
Poll Tales of Debauchery?
Previously on Emosnail
Two Years Ago Today: Being a Desk-Lamp - Shid gets three wishes
Year Ago Today: I had not yet learned of 30 in 30 and was idly loafing about letting the entries stack up for later!