How interesting...
I've had one hell of a night...
My emotions were all over the place earlier and I couldn't fathom why. Then I found out a few...unsightly details as I'll call them, and came to realize that the "so called friends" I thought I had, really aren't my friends at all. I'm tired of having to explain myself to people and only have them pick me a part and tell me what's wrong with me. When all I'm trying to do is tell them how I feel, and because they don't like to hear it...it's so much easier for them to tear me a part then listen to what I have to say. It's like talking to a dead fish...
My beau, the love of my life, has been torn from me because of my own emotional upheavels. All this time that I've been trying to heal from wounds from my ex, I've been trying to keep my new love safe from the terrors of my heart. Unfortunately in doing so, I closed myself off, an instinct from getting hurt. I didn't even realize I was doing it. Now that I do know, I am trying to fix it. I am making the conscious decision to mend the festering wounds that need to be stitched up, once and for all. I love him with all of my shattered heart and I am doing everything within my power to fix it.
Then I've realized that certain "Influences" have done nothing but hurt my healing process. And I am fucking through with it. I'm done with having to ask what others feel before I can trust my own instincts. NO MORE. I have also realized that my ex did such a bang up job on me that I've become someone else without even realizing it. FUCK HIM. I will never second guess myself again.
If someone can't accept me as I am, they can just go fuck themselves. That's it. Honestly. You don't like it, take a fuckin' hyke. I'm not going to take anyone's shit anymore.