Days go By...and We all Start Again...
I can't believe its been a whole year.
a whole bloody year.
a whole year to the day since i sat down and cried. i mean sobbed till my heart broke. which is what happened this day a year ago.
a year since we sold Serenity
a year since Lokomotive died in that awful crash.
a whole damn year filled with misery. I am proud i didnt cry once this year. its quite an accomplishment. but when i WANTED to cry today it took six shots of 100 proof vodka and a list of signifigant songs to wring the tears. and they werent even what i wanted. i KNOW what i wanted but that's not allowed any more. and i resisted. so half hearted tears are all the release i got. I feel a little better, a lot drunk. but the pain is still so sharp. i dont know why i feel i have to concentrate ALL my pain on one day but i did, and it didnt work. all i could cry about was the loss of my truest companion and 46 people i never met but some of whom i loved very dearly.
its not fair.
The Running Free- Coheed and Cambria (serenity and Zips song)
Feathers- Coheed and Cambria
Alibi- 30 sec. to Mars
Kings and Queens - 30 sec. to Mars
Disenchanted- My Chemical Romance
Ghosts of You- My Chemical Romance
My Heart is Broken- Evanesence
Swiming Home- Evanesence
and SIX shots of russian vodka.
this is all it took too make me mourn. it shouldnt have been so hard but after suppressing all the pain for a year i guess i got as much as i can expect.
I love you serenity. i miss you every day. Buffy is never going to compare to you. I hope your still alive. Running free as only you would be if you never owed us anything.
Lokomotive- the team as come back but your memory remains. Six of you were Atlants. I loved you. i love all of you. it still hurts. so much. I pray for your families all the time and i know it hurts them more. Never forget.
Now. reset the clock and go for another year without tears. I think i can do it. one down infinity to go.
a whole bloody year.
a whole year to the day since i sat down and cried. i mean sobbed till my heart broke. which is what happened this day a year ago.
a year since we sold Serenity
a year since Lokomotive died in that awful crash.
a whole damn year filled with misery. I am proud i didnt cry once this year. its quite an accomplishment. but when i WANTED to cry today it took six shots of 100 proof vodka and a list of signifigant songs to wring the tears. and they werent even what i wanted. i KNOW what i wanted but that's not allowed any more. and i resisted. so half hearted tears are all the release i got. I feel a little better, a lot drunk. but the pain is still so sharp. i dont know why i feel i have to concentrate ALL my pain on one day but i did, and it didnt work. all i could cry about was the loss of my truest companion and 46 people i never met but some of whom i loved very dearly.
its not fair.
The Running Free- Coheed and Cambria (serenity and Zips song)
Feathers- Coheed and Cambria
Alibi- 30 sec. to Mars
Kings and Queens - 30 sec. to Mars
Disenchanted- My Chemical Romance
Ghosts of You- My Chemical Romance
My Heart is Broken- Evanesence
Swiming Home- Evanesence
and SIX shots of russian vodka.
this is all it took too make me mourn. it shouldnt have been so hard but after suppressing all the pain for a year i guess i got as much as i can expect.
I love you serenity. i miss you every day. Buffy is never going to compare to you. I hope your still alive. Running free as only you would be if you never owed us anything.
Lokomotive- the team as come back but your memory remains. Six of you were Atlants. I loved you. i love all of you. it still hurts. so much. I pray for your families all the time and i know it hurts them more. Never forget.
Now. reset the clock and go for another year without tears. I think i can do it. one down infinity to go.