Typing drunk without the benefits.
Well, I've decided that a good way to spend the hurricane is sitting on my back porch while reading, listening to East River Pipe, and drinking a Coca Cola. Although the soda would have been particularly satisfying had it contained in it some whiskey or something of that nature.
Lately, I think that everyone has been feeling off-center.. a lot of the people that I have talked to lately anyway. There are people that just don't seem to fit like they used to. I feel like that, I suppose. As though I don't really fit into the scheme of things as though I used to. I think everyone is growing up around me as I'm sitting here typing this and I'm just looking up at them in awe. I'm not sure where and if I took a wrong turn. I'm assuming I took a wrong turn though because I see everyone else changing for the better. Becoming smarter, better motivated, more loving, more successful in the things that they do. I smoke pot more frequently, drink more alcohol, and get more bitter.
It's the little things that let me know I'm going nowhere fast. Things like someone moving a book from one seat to another at lunch gets me thinking about how disrespectful and rude everyone is. It's really not the case though. There's really nothing wrong with moving a book from one position to another but I make it out to be the biggest insult ever. Everyone seems to be selfish. Whether they are or not is debateable to me. More than likely, they aren't. I just see everything as being disrespectful and I don't know why. It makes me hate them one day and love them to no end to the next. Am I just tired and seeing, assuming, and reassuring myself that everyone is shitty? Or is everyone really turning against themselves. It's probabl yall just a phase and I am just assuming too much. But for right now, it really isn't that great.
I feel a lot dumber than everyone else too. I don't really like to talk like I know something, or at least I try not to, because everyone else is smarter than I am. EVERYONE. I'm not well read, I don't know that much about the history of music of the minute (sp?) details of the musicians, I don't really watch movies, I don't know a thing or two about a thing or two. There really isn't one thing that I accelerate in. There isn't any talent or knowledge that would allow me to stand out. I'm dropping friends left and right and I guess I'm seeing why. There isn't much that I can offer other than someone to get drunk with. Come to think of it, that's probably the only thing that I have to offer. That's something that I'm known for. Something that I'm good at. I can drink ample amounts of liqour. What a reputation? I get drunk. I drink 14 beers and then I go home and fall asleep. That's my legacy. That is what I will be remembered for 20 years from now, if even I am remembered. God knows where I'll be, probably at Publix. But hey.. Publix is cool with me. I love it there. I guess I've got a good job and I'm going places in a great company. But no one will remember that. No one cares now, so why would they down the road? I guess I've got a sense of humor that's funny for about the first month that you know me. I said it once before about 7 months ago.. I'm a fun/good person for about as long as it takes you to turn a page on your calendar. After that I guess I just lose my flavor. Who cares? I'll bet that no one on my friends list will even read all of what it is that I wrote. I beat around the bush too much, the point that I'm trying to make is that I don't fit in with any of my friends. Not like I used to. Certain people when I'm one on one with them but I know that if possible, I would be replaced by a cooler, funnier, nicer guy. Given that opportunity, I know it would happen. I've really become a second rate person capable of passing time and slipping through hallways.
Lately, I think that everyone has been feeling off-center.. a lot of the people that I have talked to lately anyway. There are people that just don't seem to fit like they used to. I feel like that, I suppose. As though I don't really fit into the scheme of things as though I used to. I think everyone is growing up around me as I'm sitting here typing this and I'm just looking up at them in awe. I'm not sure where and if I took a wrong turn. I'm assuming I took a wrong turn though because I see everyone else changing for the better. Becoming smarter, better motivated, more loving, more successful in the things that they do. I smoke pot more frequently, drink more alcohol, and get more bitter.
It's the little things that let me know I'm going nowhere fast. Things like someone moving a book from one seat to another at lunch gets me thinking about how disrespectful and rude everyone is. It's really not the case though. There's really nothing wrong with moving a book from one position to another but I make it out to be the biggest insult ever. Everyone seems to be selfish. Whether they are or not is debateable to me. More than likely, they aren't. I just see everything as being disrespectful and I don't know why. It makes me hate them one day and love them to no end to the next. Am I just tired and seeing, assuming, and reassuring myself that everyone is shitty? Or is everyone really turning against themselves. It's probabl yall just a phase and I am just assuming too much. But for right now, it really isn't that great.
I feel a lot dumber than everyone else too. I don't really like to talk like I know something, or at least I try not to, because everyone else is smarter than I am. EVERYONE. I'm not well read, I don't know that much about the history of music of the minute (sp?) details of the musicians, I don't really watch movies, I don't know a thing or two about a thing or two. There really isn't one thing that I accelerate in. There isn't any talent or knowledge that would allow me to stand out. I'm dropping friends left and right and I guess I'm seeing why. There isn't much that I can offer other than someone to get drunk with. Come to think of it, that's probably the only thing that I have to offer. That's something that I'm known for. Something that I'm good at. I can drink ample amounts of liqour. What a reputation? I get drunk. I drink 14 beers and then I go home and fall asleep. That's my legacy. That is what I will be remembered for 20 years from now, if even I am remembered. God knows where I'll be, probably at Publix. But hey.. Publix is cool with me. I love it there. I guess I've got a good job and I'm going places in a great company. But no one will remember that. No one cares now, so why would they down the road? I guess I've got a sense of humor that's funny for about the first month that you know me. I said it once before about 7 months ago.. I'm a fun/good person for about as long as it takes you to turn a page on your calendar. After that I guess I just lose my flavor. Who cares? I'll bet that no one on my friends list will even read all of what it is that I wrote. I beat around the bush too much, the point that I'm trying to make is that I don't fit in with any of my friends. Not like I used to. Certain people when I'm one on one with them but I know that if possible, I would be replaced by a cooler, funnier, nicer guy. Given that opportunity, I know it would happen. I've really become a second rate person capable of passing time and slipping through hallways.