Today (yesterday)
I got home and sat here for a bit. I did not feel well, at all, as usual. I went down into the garage and looked for it there, I couldnt find it. I went outside in my shorts, down to the storage room and looked hard, I couldnt find it. Finally I checked in his closet, and on the top shelf there it was. The feeling, regret, remorse, pure terror, happiness, all formed into one and dilluded me.
I rested my finger on the trigger, I held the pump firmly in my hands. It was alien to me, with some bit of confusion I closed and opened the chamber to hear that sound. Oh that sound, I can hear it perfectly in every moment, the sound of an escape. I rested the cold black steel on my skin, it seemed to burn an icy chill down my spine, while at the same time feeling snug at home. Its there, its real, Ive found it, I put it away. I am not as great a fool to succumb to it so easily, theres too much to be done, alot left to be said. Alot but so little, just as always what seems like so much, everything to me, is nothing. I can use logic to see that now, and I wont fall for it again. Ill sweep away the little thats left of everything, then nothing will take me in.
I rested my finger on the trigger, I held the pump firmly in my hands. It was alien to me, with some bit of confusion I closed and opened the chamber to hear that sound. Oh that sound, I can hear it perfectly in every moment, the sound of an escape. I rested the cold black steel on my skin, it seemed to burn an icy chill down my spine, while at the same time feeling snug at home. Its there, its real, Ive found it, I put it away. I am not as great a fool to succumb to it so easily, theres too much to be done, alot left to be said. Alot but so little, just as always what seems like so much, everything to me, is nothing. I can use logic to see that now, and I wont fall for it again. Ill sweep away the little thats left of everything, then nothing will take me in.