i see jesus in your eyes.
sometimes, i really hate my life. like with a severe passion. i have a series of a few good days, then something just hits me.. like a brick. its like dammit you know? i know i know, and i think you know too.
everything had been going pretty well. at least for this week. nothing bad had happened at all really. i spent lots of time with kip (not as much as i would have liked too, but yeah) and things had went well at church. i have been reading my bible and praying, more so than i have in a year. things seemed to be okay, but here is something you all should know and abide by: never let your guard down.
so tonight wasnt the best night, but it wasnt horrible. i expected to just come home, retreat to the basement, and stay up all night.. so i can actually make it to church tomorrow. no such luck. my dad started on me. at first i brushed it off, walked away and grabbed some things so i could come downstairs. when i walked into the kitchen, he was waiting for me. and thats when it all came crashing down.
'i dont want you going back to Dredz.'
'the people down there arent people you should be hanging around with..'
'so when do you plan to get a job?'
'if you keep going there, im taking your car away.'
all this nonsense. and i just cried. i said "why do i have to keep explaining myself to people? why do i have to justify everything i do? why cant people just leave me alone.. im 18 for god's sakes.. and im treated like im 14.." finally, he just let me come down stairs and i sat here, and started writing this.
as i was writing, mom came downstairs and started talking to me. she didnt fuss at me at all. we just talked about random things and it was nice. i like when we can just talk about be cool like that. maybe that will happen more often, if i just let it.
ill be so glad when my dad goes back to work.
which is this monday.
so just one more day, then perhaps some freedom.
by the way, if you know who poured mountain dew on my car, toilet papered it, and put a log behind my rear wheels.. please let me know. all this was done to my car when i walked out of dredz tonight and i would just like to know who did it. thanks.
im going to go wash some clothes or something now.
i love you guys.
everything had been going pretty well. at least for this week. nothing bad had happened at all really. i spent lots of time with kip (not as much as i would have liked too, but yeah) and things had went well at church. i have been reading my bible and praying, more so than i have in a year. things seemed to be okay, but here is something you all should know and abide by: never let your guard down.
so tonight wasnt the best night, but it wasnt horrible. i expected to just come home, retreat to the basement, and stay up all night.. so i can actually make it to church tomorrow. no such luck. my dad started on me. at first i brushed it off, walked away and grabbed some things so i could come downstairs. when i walked into the kitchen, he was waiting for me. and thats when it all came crashing down.
'i dont want you going back to Dredz.'
'the people down there arent people you should be hanging around with..'
'so when do you plan to get a job?'
'if you keep going there, im taking your car away.'
all this nonsense. and i just cried. i said "why do i have to keep explaining myself to people? why do i have to justify everything i do? why cant people just leave me alone.. im 18 for god's sakes.. and im treated like im 14.." finally, he just let me come down stairs and i sat here, and started writing this.
as i was writing, mom came downstairs and started talking to me. she didnt fuss at me at all. we just talked about random things and it was nice. i like when we can just talk about be cool like that. maybe that will happen more often, if i just let it.
ill be so glad when my dad goes back to work.
which is this monday.
so just one more day, then perhaps some freedom.
by the way, if you know who poured mountain dew on my car, toilet papered it, and put a log behind my rear wheels.. please let me know. all this was done to my car when i walked out of dredz tonight and i would just like to know who did it. thanks.
im going to go wash some clothes or something now.
i love you guys.