Lets get teen hearts beating fast and faster
Man i freaked out Yesterday. Adam took me to the "Y" to see how i did with the quarter mile swim for my lifeguarding test... i am terrible. maybe its because im a runner and think i can do anything, and just got discouraged... but let me tell you, i suck =( I did like two of my 434324321412 laps and i felt like i was going to drown. Guess it's not a good thing for a girl going into a lifeguarding test to feel like she's drowning. Maybe i just honestly dont know how to swim.. I feel like i look retarded and i cant go very far. Im fast, but i have no distance threshold. needless to say i got frustrated, felt terrible infront of a really nice kid. and we went home.
However on top of my already frustrated defeat i got out to texts from a boy that once claimed he loved me, explaining that i am a terrible person and a liar and apparently a theif as well. It has come to my attention that all of my ex boyfriends with the acception of one, have come together and decided that danielle stengel cannot be let out of a relationship without the complete destruction of her selfesteem and mental health. Usually i am very capable of this myself, but apparently because i was the strong one this time, it has become his goal to tear me down in any way possible. So last night i lost it. I lost myself again. I got upset and i hit that place i never want to be, first the numbness, anger gone quiet. Then the self destruction, but i didnt go back to my old ways, no this time instead it was death by treadmill. i ran 3 miles without stop, without warm up, without slow down. i ran it in 30 mins. and i only stopped when i had to pull the key out and collapse on the floor.. yeah im a healthy person lol. Then i freaked out on sum kid i dont even know, then a friend came into play. Adam and i talked for a while and got some of this stuff off my chest. Its amazing how easily it is to trust someone who's willing to explain that they care and wouldnt hurt you. Although ive heard it before, its easy to trust someone that has no power to hurt you, just to help. He helped and i thank god for him.
On a different note, i have realized how much i appreciate nick last year. i usually dont use names in this thing but i dont care anymore. that kid kept quiet even when i was screaming in his face, even when i was crazy he kept his mouth shut. he wouldnt tear me down no matter how much i begged for it. and that is a strength i admire most. So too little, too late, thank you for being the person you are and giving me something to look up to.
So despite my attempts at sanity, i am not going to school today. Every inch of me hurts from my tiranical raid last night, and frankly i think working alone 5 hours tonight will be torture enough. Tonight im hanging out with that Luke Kid =) and i think thats how im going to refer to him from now on haha. i've heard different oppinions on him, but the boy can hold a conversation which in my book counts for alot. So i guess we'll have to see.
I am SO EXCITED for next week!! Im even excited for packing lol. Friday Brittany, the love of my life, is coming for the weekend with my grandparents!! ahhhhhhh yay!! i have to work.. but its okay well make it good. I wanna party.. so anyone up for it, two beautiful girls, come on now, we're a good time! lol
Then SUNDAY I LEAVE FOR MY ROAD TRIP!!!! ahhhh i get to see tabby, the other love of my life!! and then we're going to stay in a hotel in Virginia the first night, florida the second =D weee and on and on and on.
But ya know what that means. this is my last weekend here for like 3 weeks... so anyone wanna make sum crazy plans ull have to let me know. =)I could use some old times.
However on top of my already frustrated defeat i got out to texts from a boy that once claimed he loved me, explaining that i am a terrible person and a liar and apparently a theif as well. It has come to my attention that all of my ex boyfriends with the acception of one, have come together and decided that danielle stengel cannot be let out of a relationship without the complete destruction of her selfesteem and mental health. Usually i am very capable of this myself, but apparently because i was the strong one this time, it has become his goal to tear me down in any way possible. So last night i lost it. I lost myself again. I got upset and i hit that place i never want to be, first the numbness, anger gone quiet. Then the self destruction, but i didnt go back to my old ways, no this time instead it was death by treadmill. i ran 3 miles without stop, without warm up, without slow down. i ran it in 30 mins. and i only stopped when i had to pull the key out and collapse on the floor.. yeah im a healthy person lol. Then i freaked out on sum kid i dont even know, then a friend came into play. Adam and i talked for a while and got some of this stuff off my chest. Its amazing how easily it is to trust someone who's willing to explain that they care and wouldnt hurt you. Although ive heard it before, its easy to trust someone that has no power to hurt you, just to help. He helped and i thank god for him.
On a different note, i have realized how much i appreciate nick last year. i usually dont use names in this thing but i dont care anymore. that kid kept quiet even when i was screaming in his face, even when i was crazy he kept his mouth shut. he wouldnt tear me down no matter how much i begged for it. and that is a strength i admire most. So too little, too late, thank you for being the person you are and giving me something to look up to.
So despite my attempts at sanity, i am not going to school today. Every inch of me hurts from my tiranical raid last night, and frankly i think working alone 5 hours tonight will be torture enough. Tonight im hanging out with that Luke Kid =) and i think thats how im going to refer to him from now on haha. i've heard different oppinions on him, but the boy can hold a conversation which in my book counts for alot. So i guess we'll have to see.
I am SO EXCITED for next week!! Im even excited for packing lol. Friday Brittany, the love of my life, is coming for the weekend with my grandparents!! ahhhhhhh yay!! i have to work.. but its okay well make it good. I wanna party.. so anyone up for it, two beautiful girls, come on now, we're a good time! lol
Then SUNDAY I LEAVE FOR MY ROAD TRIP!!!! ahhhh i get to see tabby, the other love of my life!! and then we're going to stay in a hotel in Virginia the first night, florida the second =D weee and on and on and on.
But ya know what that means. this is my last weekend here for like 3 weeks... so anyone wanna make sum crazy plans ull have to let me know. =)I could use some old times.