(no subject)
hmm what a night. (late decem... )
i HATE nights like tonight, because they show me that God has me where he needs me, well, not need, but where he wants me, and its somewhere that id rather not be.
and it smells like beef and cheese..
but its kind of extremely encouraging too.
I'm finally starting to become closer to a few people i work with. like, i actually want to get to know them (thats mean, but alot of them are young and annoying) and we do stuff outside of work once in a while. Mainly its two girls. we went out to eat a few weeks ago and it was fun but weird because they are both extremely talkative, so i mostly listened, but later i felt weird because i didnt feel like i fit in because i didnt really have anyhting in common with what they were tlaking about. it was mostly about their boyfriends and smoking pot. They kept saying that im such a good person and that they wished they could be like me, and i wanted to just sink into a hole and hide. i absolutely hated it. And i left upset with myself.
ive been wanting to leave panera, basically, since i started, but especially the past year, but i always find some excuse not to quit. I hate hate hate the job itself (serving people is extremely hard, especially when you are getting paid) , but its SOOO hard for me to leave the people i work with. well, some of the people i work with. My boss found out ( i told her) that i was looking for a new job, and she came to me ( i was scared out of my mind) and told me she'd give me a pretty big raise if i stayed. and this is when my social anxiety/fear of authority whatever crap stupidness comes in, and i told her i would stay for a while and see how it works out.
But after tonight, i am glad that i am staying for now. i was working on line with my friend,and we were talking and she told me she was 6 weeks pregnant and she hadnt told her parents yet (her mom is one of our bosses). and we talked for about 3 hours straight about how she was feeling about it all, and about what to do, how to tell her parents, morning sickness, labor, what kinds of stuff to avoid, names, insurance,stretch marks, vitamins, cocoa butter, cat litter, etc. And i cant explain how happy i am. one of the first things she said after she told me was that she is scared out of her mind, but she knows that God would never give her soemthing she couldnt handle, not that he is responsible for her pregnancy. and it made me feel, indescribable that she would say taht to me, and i have a feeling that this pregnancy is going to be a wonderful thing. she is 20, and shes only been dating htis guy for a few months, but i am so excited about it right now. i just have this feeling that this is going to be such a good thing in her life. i mean, i know babies are a blessing and all that, but, for her, i dont know, ive had friends get pregnant before, but this one i think is different.
but it is so encouraging and humbling to be able to comfort someone and to have them trust you enough to talk to you like that. and im worried that this will sound prideful, but i dont feel prideful saying it, because i dont think its self glorifying. ive been praying that God would make me someone that is comforting and nurturing, because i have people in my life that are that way, and they have helped me so much, and i see so much about God through them, and i know so many people need that. and i still dont see myself as a comforting, nurturing person, but it is so encouraging to see that God is working and doing what needs to be done. and that he is comforting, and he is nurturing, and he is healing.
but her whole situation reminds me of a coldplay song
(eww, emily's getting all soft and sentimental)
In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing
=================================================================================
in other news..
i leave you with some good bands, because i like to do this:
anathallo, who are very different and take some getting used to, but lovely, you have to listen to a whole song ('a great wind, more ash' is beautiful towards the end)
as tall as lions, who i cant stop listening too right now, there are lots of reasons why i liek them, but i cant put my finger on any of them, (Ghosts of York)
elliott smith, hes kinda depressed, his music doesnt sound so, but his lyrics do, he comitted suicide a few years ago, it reminds me of music travis would hate, i sometimes like him and sometimes dont, elliott smith that is, ('twilight' is good)
and of course jeff buckley, but you probably know of him already, in all of his grandeur and musical wonderfulness
i HATE nights like tonight, because they show me that God has me where he needs me, well, not need, but where he wants me, and its somewhere that id rather not be.
and it smells like beef and cheese..
but its kind of extremely encouraging too.
I'm finally starting to become closer to a few people i work with. like, i actually want to get to know them (thats mean, but alot of them are young and annoying) and we do stuff outside of work once in a while. Mainly its two girls. we went out to eat a few weeks ago and it was fun but weird because they are both extremely talkative, so i mostly listened, but later i felt weird because i didnt feel like i fit in because i didnt really have anyhting in common with what they were tlaking about. it was mostly about their boyfriends and smoking pot. They kept saying that im such a good person and that they wished they could be like me, and i wanted to just sink into a hole and hide. i absolutely hated it. And i left upset with myself.
ive been wanting to leave panera, basically, since i started, but especially the past year, but i always find some excuse not to quit. I hate hate hate the job itself (serving people is extremely hard, especially when you are getting paid) , but its SOOO hard for me to leave the people i work with. well, some of the people i work with. My boss found out ( i told her) that i was looking for a new job, and she came to me ( i was scared out of my mind) and told me she'd give me a pretty big raise if i stayed. and this is when my social anxiety/fear of authority whatever crap stupidness comes in, and i told her i would stay for a while and see how it works out.
But after tonight, i am glad that i am staying for now. i was working on line with my friend,and we were talking and she told me she was 6 weeks pregnant and she hadnt told her parents yet (her mom is one of our bosses). and we talked for about 3 hours straight about how she was feeling about it all, and about what to do, how to tell her parents, morning sickness, labor, what kinds of stuff to avoid, names, insurance,stretch marks, vitamins, cocoa butter, cat litter, etc. And i cant explain how happy i am. one of the first things she said after she told me was that she is scared out of her mind, but she knows that God would never give her soemthing she couldnt handle, not that he is responsible for her pregnancy. and it made me feel, indescribable that she would say taht to me, and i have a feeling that this pregnancy is going to be a wonderful thing. she is 20, and shes only been dating htis guy for a few months, but i am so excited about it right now. i just have this feeling that this is going to be such a good thing in her life. i mean, i know babies are a blessing and all that, but, for her, i dont know, ive had friends get pregnant before, but this one i think is different.
but it is so encouraging and humbling to be able to comfort someone and to have them trust you enough to talk to you like that. and im worried that this will sound prideful, but i dont feel prideful saying it, because i dont think its self glorifying. ive been praying that God would make me someone that is comforting and nurturing, because i have people in my life that are that way, and they have helped me so much, and i see so much about God through them, and i know so many people need that. and i still dont see myself as a comforting, nurturing person, but it is so encouraging to see that God is working and doing what needs to be done. and that he is comforting, and he is nurturing, and he is healing.
but her whole situation reminds me of a coldplay song
(eww, emily's getting all soft and sentimental)
In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing
=================================================================================
in other news..
i leave you with some good bands, because i like to do this:
anathallo, who are very different and take some getting used to, but lovely, you have to listen to a whole song ('a great wind, more ash' is beautiful towards the end)
as tall as lions, who i cant stop listening too right now, there are lots of reasons why i liek them, but i cant put my finger on any of them, (Ghosts of York)
elliott smith, hes kinda depressed, his music doesnt sound so, but his lyrics do, he comitted suicide a few years ago, it reminds me of music travis would hate, i sometimes like him and sometimes dont, elliott smith that is, ('twilight' is good)
and of course jeff buckley, but you probably know of him already, in all of his grandeur and musical wonderfulness