Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (Prologue)
Title: Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Author: Emma emmameatsix
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: High school - what a load of bullshit. Everyone thinks they know you, but they don't. So you keep your guard up. Keep your walls up. Keep your mask on. It's the only way you'll survive.
Disclaimer: Never happened.
A/N: I was going to wait until All I Wanted was done before I started this but I'm just so excited to start a new fic so here you go! I'll update All I Wanted later today.
This was surely the worst moment of Alex's life. Why did he have to go and fuck everything up? He had so much going for him. Sure, before he came along, he hadn't been popular, but he still had friends. And his family. And he was extremely intelligent. Any college, or university, or employer would have jumped at the chance to have him. Now though? Nothing. No friends. No family. No good grades. No employers just waiting to hire him. Instead, they would be turning him away, a subtle look of disgust on their irritated faces.
There was a clear stumble in his walk. Obviously, he wasn't sober. When was he ever nowadays? Only 18, and on such a self-destructive path. Many would think it a shame. A crying shame that he'd thrown his life away. Many would also think him stupid. Which he was. Not in an academic kind of way. In a common sense kind of way. Common sense. Something Alex clearly did not possess.
This bag was starting to weigh him down. Nothing he could do about that, though. It was only a few more minutes of walking before he got to his house anyway. Out the corner of his eye, he spotted Hayley. Well, she looked a lot better off than Alex. When she caught him staring, she turned her head to look at him, angry frown that didn't really belong on her delicate face. It was there all the same, though. And it wouldn't disappear until Alex was out of her sight. Nervously, Alex smiled at her, tripping over his own two feet and collapsing to the ground with a thud soon after, face smacking off of the cold concrete path. Although his nose was bleeding heavily, and he was in a lot of pain, he just lay there. Not even letting out the smallest of whimpers. After you've drunkenly fallen as many times as Alex, you just grow used to it. Turning his head slowly to look at the girl on the over side of the road, he saw her sarcastically roll her eyes and shake her head, before simply walking off as though she'd seen nothing. Alex took this as his cue to heave himself up from the ground. Almost tumbling down again on his shaky legs, he stood up, hitching his bag over his shoulders again and carrying on down the road. Not long now.
As he approached the boy's front door, he knocked loudly, quickly dusting himself off and looking at the house with a frown on his face. When the other opened the door, he looked shocked, to say the least. Well, it was four o'clock in the morning. Maybe Alex was just too pissed to realise that instead of going to his house, he should be heading for his own.
'Alex, what are you doing here?
'Do you realise what you've fucking done?' Alex snarled shakily, and Jack sighed, because he knew he'd fucked Alex's life up. He knew he had.
'Look, Alex, I'm so sorry for getting you involved with all this-'
'It's a bit late for that, Jack,' Alex scoffed. 'My parents found out what happened yesterday.'
Shit.
'How, um, how did they take it?' Jack asked nervously, growing more nervous when Alex angrily shook his head as tears welled up in his furious eyes.
'They were fucking delighted, Jack!' he screamed sarcastically.
'You, you didn't have to do it, you know...'
'Are you fucking kidding me?' Alex growled. 'You guys put so much fucking pressure on me, I didn't know what to do! Do you honestly think I wanted to do it? No, Jack. I feel fucking awful. I hate myself for it so fucking much. You know what else I hate myself for? Ever getting involved with you. All I was was a fucking bet. I'm so fucking stupid.'
'How did you find that out?'
'After yesterday's events, I kinda realised some stuff about this whole situation. Doesn't take a genius, Barakat,' Alex laughed bitterly. 'Did it feel good using me like that?'
'Lex-'
'Don't you fucking dare call me Lex,' Alex hissed. 'And don't try and cover this up. You used me. And now my life's a total mess, and I'm a fucking wreck!'
Awkwardly, Jack shifted from foot to foot.
'Alex, I think you should go home.'
Smirking humorlessly, Alex looked up at Jack with angry eyes.
'I haven't got a home anymore.'
With that, Alex turned on his heels and staggered down the path, still shouting at Jack as he did so.
'I hope you're happy, Barakat. I have nothing because of you.'
Author: Emma emmameatsix
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: High school - what a load of bullshit. Everyone thinks they know you, but they don't. So you keep your guard up. Keep your walls up. Keep your mask on. It's the only way you'll survive.
Disclaimer: Never happened.
A/N: I was going to wait until All I Wanted was done before I started this but I'm just so excited to start a new fic so here you go! I'll update All I Wanted later today.
This was surely the worst moment of Alex's life. Why did he have to go and fuck everything up? He had so much going for him. Sure, before he came along, he hadn't been popular, but he still had friends. And his family. And he was extremely intelligent. Any college, or university, or employer would have jumped at the chance to have him. Now though? Nothing. No friends. No family. No good grades. No employers just waiting to hire him. Instead, they would be turning him away, a subtle look of disgust on their irritated faces.
There was a clear stumble in his walk. Obviously, he wasn't sober. When was he ever nowadays? Only 18, and on such a self-destructive path. Many would think it a shame. A crying shame that he'd thrown his life away. Many would also think him stupid. Which he was. Not in an academic kind of way. In a common sense kind of way. Common sense. Something Alex clearly did not possess.
This bag was starting to weigh him down. Nothing he could do about that, though. It was only a few more minutes of walking before he got to his house anyway. Out the corner of his eye, he spotted Hayley. Well, she looked a lot better off than Alex. When she caught him staring, she turned her head to look at him, angry frown that didn't really belong on her delicate face. It was there all the same, though. And it wouldn't disappear until Alex was out of her sight. Nervously, Alex smiled at her, tripping over his own two feet and collapsing to the ground with a thud soon after, face smacking off of the cold concrete path. Although his nose was bleeding heavily, and he was in a lot of pain, he just lay there. Not even letting out the smallest of whimpers. After you've drunkenly fallen as many times as Alex, you just grow used to it. Turning his head slowly to look at the girl on the over side of the road, he saw her sarcastically roll her eyes and shake her head, before simply walking off as though she'd seen nothing. Alex took this as his cue to heave himself up from the ground. Almost tumbling down again on his shaky legs, he stood up, hitching his bag over his shoulders again and carrying on down the road. Not long now.
As he approached the boy's front door, he knocked loudly, quickly dusting himself off and looking at the house with a frown on his face. When the other opened the door, he looked shocked, to say the least. Well, it was four o'clock in the morning. Maybe Alex was just too pissed to realise that instead of going to his house, he should be heading for his own.
'Alex, what are you doing here?
'Do you realise what you've fucking done?' Alex snarled shakily, and Jack sighed, because he knew he'd fucked Alex's life up. He knew he had.
'Look, Alex, I'm so sorry for getting you involved with all this-'
'It's a bit late for that, Jack,' Alex scoffed. 'My parents found out what happened yesterday.'
Shit.
'How, um, how did they take it?' Jack asked nervously, growing more nervous when Alex angrily shook his head as tears welled up in his furious eyes.
'They were fucking delighted, Jack!' he screamed sarcastically.
'You, you didn't have to do it, you know...'
'Are you fucking kidding me?' Alex growled. 'You guys put so much fucking pressure on me, I didn't know what to do! Do you honestly think I wanted to do it? No, Jack. I feel fucking awful. I hate myself for it so fucking much. You know what else I hate myself for? Ever getting involved with you. All I was was a fucking bet. I'm so fucking stupid.'
'How did you find that out?'
'After yesterday's events, I kinda realised some stuff about this whole situation. Doesn't take a genius, Barakat,' Alex laughed bitterly. 'Did it feel good using me like that?'
'Lex-'
'Don't you fucking dare call me Lex,' Alex hissed. 'And don't try and cover this up. You used me. And now my life's a total mess, and I'm a fucking wreck!'
Awkwardly, Jack shifted from foot to foot.
'Alex, I think you should go home.'
Smirking humorlessly, Alex looked up at Jack with angry eyes.
'I haven't got a home anymore.'
With that, Alex turned on his heels and staggered down the path, still shouting at Jack as he did so.
'I hope you're happy, Barakat. I have nothing because of you.'