one is the loneliest number...
i've done this before. this EXACT same routine. i did it for 3 whole months.
i find myself in that same situation, and i have to say, the second time around is a little harder at the moment.
i'm talking about living alone. i rent a 2-bedroom apartment with a roommate i've grown less and less fond of over the past 2 years. but, she has the most precious cat in the world that has kept me company every night curled up at my feet or greeting me when i come home from class. but, my roommate's dropped out for the rest of the semester and took her cat with her yesterday.
my parents came to town this weekend to visit for mom's weekend up here and to start moving some of my mountains of junk back home to oregon. but they just left too. and now i'm all alone. and i don't like it.
in the dorms i lived alone and loved it no problem. all last summer i lived in this apartment all alone and loved it. but, now that my apartment is becoming more and more bare, it doesn't feel like mine, like my home, and there's no longer a purring, little cat to keep me company, i'm realizing that this will be the longest 4 weeks. 4 weeks of getting through finals, working 2 jobs, packing up my belongings, and coming home to an empty apartment every night....although, i guess not entirely empty, i'm still finding ants on occasion in my kitchen, but those hardly count.
anyway, my school gets out may 9th. may freaking 9th. that's so early and soon. i'm sticking around until that next weekend when my parents can come up again and help me move everything back home to FG. in case i haven't gotten around to telling everyone yet, i'll be living at home all summer working in beaverton for the tualatin parks and rec at the nature park interpretive center helping out and running summer kid's camps that are centered around nature, exploring, and the environment, which i'm so excited about.
but come the end of august, i won't be coming back to idaho, i'll be staying in FG to do a year of student teaching to finish up my degree. you know, that thought really kills me. that i'll be leaving idaho, the place where i've been on my own for the past 4 years, the place where i've grown to love this town and the people and the school only to come back and live with my parents.
somewhere in that reality, i feel like i might lose a part of me that i've spent 4 years crafting. maybe the part that enjoys late nights. maybe the part that likes to buy rounds for friends at bars within walking distance of my apartment. maybe the part of driving in several feet of snow and feeling accomplished about it. maybe running into people on campus but taking those encounters for granted b/c it won't have occurred to me that i'll never see them again--just like i won't my roommate's cat now ever again. maybe it's the part where one guy in particular that i've cared so strongly about will no longer get to take me out to dinners or walk me to my door after driving me home after spending a thoughtful time together. or, maybe it's all those that i'll be losing, and soon i'll just shrink back to my old, boring self.
i don't think i want to be a teacher anymore. there, i said it. i love kids, and i know i want to work with them, but there's so much politics to teaching, that i don't think i want to jump into that just yet. after i'm done student teaching, i need to take a break from school--all kinds of school, including the ones for little people. i've been going strong in school for 16, soon to be 17 years, i need a break. but teaching is not something i'm shutting out forever, but i just think i need some time without all the pressure first to get my barrings.
it'd be nice to meet to find a guy too, like a marry-able one. i don't think i could do that where the only people i'm around are elementary kids working 'round the clock writing lesson plans and grading papers and going to meetings and conferences. my parents met while i college, i guess i kinda hoped that would happen that way for me too.... but no, it didn't. i've, of course, met a really amazing guy that i care very deeply about, but once i move, that'll prolly be the end of that relationship, which is sad to admit.
and all this has put in a really downer mood, and now i have no cat to pet to relieve my stress and cheer me up, and that really makes me sad b/c those up here know that cat was my life while i'm stuck at home. sigh.
i don't wanna grow up.
i find myself in that same situation, and i have to say, the second time around is a little harder at the moment.
i'm talking about living alone. i rent a 2-bedroom apartment with a roommate i've grown less and less fond of over the past 2 years. but, she has the most precious cat in the world that has kept me company every night curled up at my feet or greeting me when i come home from class. but, my roommate's dropped out for the rest of the semester and took her cat with her yesterday.
my parents came to town this weekend to visit for mom's weekend up here and to start moving some of my mountains of junk back home to oregon. but they just left too. and now i'm all alone. and i don't like it.
in the dorms i lived alone and loved it no problem. all last summer i lived in this apartment all alone and loved it. but, now that my apartment is becoming more and more bare, it doesn't feel like mine, like my home, and there's no longer a purring, little cat to keep me company, i'm realizing that this will be the longest 4 weeks. 4 weeks of getting through finals, working 2 jobs, packing up my belongings, and coming home to an empty apartment every night....although, i guess not entirely empty, i'm still finding ants on occasion in my kitchen, but those hardly count.
anyway, my school gets out may 9th. may freaking 9th. that's so early and soon. i'm sticking around until that next weekend when my parents can come up again and help me move everything back home to FG. in case i haven't gotten around to telling everyone yet, i'll be living at home all summer working in beaverton for the tualatin parks and rec at the nature park interpretive center helping out and running summer kid's camps that are centered around nature, exploring, and the environment, which i'm so excited about.
but come the end of august, i won't be coming back to idaho, i'll be staying in FG to do a year of student teaching to finish up my degree. you know, that thought really kills me. that i'll be leaving idaho, the place where i've been on my own for the past 4 years, the place where i've grown to love this town and the people and the school only to come back and live with my parents.
somewhere in that reality, i feel like i might lose a part of me that i've spent 4 years crafting. maybe the part that enjoys late nights. maybe the part that likes to buy rounds for friends at bars within walking distance of my apartment. maybe the part of driving in several feet of snow and feeling accomplished about it. maybe running into people on campus but taking those encounters for granted b/c it won't have occurred to me that i'll never see them again--just like i won't my roommate's cat now ever again. maybe it's the part where one guy in particular that i've cared so strongly about will no longer get to take me out to dinners or walk me to my door after driving me home after spending a thoughtful time together. or, maybe it's all those that i'll be losing, and soon i'll just shrink back to my old, boring self.
i don't think i want to be a teacher anymore. there, i said it. i love kids, and i know i want to work with them, but there's so much politics to teaching, that i don't think i want to jump into that just yet. after i'm done student teaching, i need to take a break from school--all kinds of school, including the ones for little people. i've been going strong in school for 16, soon to be 17 years, i need a break. but teaching is not something i'm shutting out forever, but i just think i need some time without all the pressure first to get my barrings.
it'd be nice to meet to find a guy too, like a marry-able one. i don't think i could do that where the only people i'm around are elementary kids working 'round the clock writing lesson plans and grading papers and going to meetings and conferences. my parents met while i college, i guess i kinda hoped that would happen that way for me too.... but no, it didn't. i've, of course, met a really amazing guy that i care very deeply about, but once i move, that'll prolly be the end of that relationship, which is sad to admit.
and all this has put in a really downer mood, and now i have no cat to pet to relieve my stress and cheer me up, and that really makes me sad b/c those up here know that cat was my life while i'm stuck at home. sigh.
i don't wanna grow up.