Feeling better, but...
I'm feeling better but still a bit spacey. I think part of my brain has shut off so I can process without interruption.
Two things have occurred to me -
one, I'm having an awful time trying to find a good way of externally validating my UPG. I never minded in the past, just letting UPG go, because none of my past UPG ever had consequences. It was all filed in the "Oh, That's Interesting" file and then I got on with things. But now my UPG has consequences - choices to be made, commitments to be honoured, and I'm SO not going there on the say-so of "voices in my head".
The common thing to do is to seek some kind of divination or message from a trusted outside source - a local godhi or gydhia, rune-reader, even tarot or a medium or something. I don't gots any of those locally, at least not ones who understand a heathen or northern context. Most of the locals I know are either neo-pagan dabblers, or professionals of a new-agey stripe (who charge professional rates). It's not encouraging. I don't know quite where to head from here.
The second thing is that I've rediscovered something I used to do when I was younger. I used to call it "blending in", but nowadays I call it "walking the weft". Basically I sort of imagine myself as grey and translucent, and then picture a ripple ahead of me, between the threads of wyrd or the fabric of the world, or whatever. Then, while other people are bustling down the parallell warp threads, I'm walking quietly along the weft and for some reason they just don't register my presence. I don't mean I'm invisible or anything major like that, but when people look at me their eyes kind of skim over me, or they glance away quickly like looking at me makes them uncomfortable. It's not like I'm crossing my eyes and gesturing magic sigils, or mumbling under my breath or anything - I'm just walking along quietly. Maybe it's coincidence, but it seems to work - often I have to be quick on my feet to avoid getting stepped on! And it doesn't work on everyone - someone who's looking for people (like people soliciting donations or handing out free samples) will usually see me, as will wooj-aware people, and funnily enough, the homeless crazies. ;) Children seem to walk bang into me.
Another trick I used to do was to emanate "cold". I'd imagine a freezing, uninviting space about three feet around me, and people would avoid me like the plague. One time, this poor guy spent about thirty seconds walking in and out of the end of the library aisle I was in, before his courage failed and he all but ran off. :p It was mean of me, but I was in no mood to have people around.
I'm not doing fabulously at all this, of course. My concentration is still very patchy, but I'm doing better than I have for ages. :)
Two things have occurred to me -
one, I'm having an awful time trying to find a good way of externally validating my UPG. I never minded in the past, just letting UPG go, because none of my past UPG ever had consequences. It was all filed in the "Oh, That's Interesting" file and then I got on with things. But now my UPG has consequences - choices to be made, commitments to be honoured, and I'm SO not going there on the say-so of "voices in my head".
The common thing to do is to seek some kind of divination or message from a trusted outside source - a local godhi or gydhia, rune-reader, even tarot or a medium or something. I don't gots any of those locally, at least not ones who understand a heathen or northern context. Most of the locals I know are either neo-pagan dabblers, or professionals of a new-agey stripe (who charge professional rates). It's not encouraging. I don't know quite where to head from here.
The second thing is that I've rediscovered something I used to do when I was younger. I used to call it "blending in", but nowadays I call it "walking the weft". Basically I sort of imagine myself as grey and translucent, and then picture a ripple ahead of me, between the threads of wyrd or the fabric of the world, or whatever. Then, while other people are bustling down the parallell warp threads, I'm walking quietly along the weft and for some reason they just don't register my presence. I don't mean I'm invisible or anything major like that, but when people look at me their eyes kind of skim over me, or they glance away quickly like looking at me makes them uncomfortable. It's not like I'm crossing my eyes and gesturing magic sigils, or mumbling under my breath or anything - I'm just walking along quietly. Maybe it's coincidence, but it seems to work - often I have to be quick on my feet to avoid getting stepped on! And it doesn't work on everyone - someone who's looking for people (like people soliciting donations or handing out free samples) will usually see me, as will wooj-aware people, and funnily enough, the homeless crazies. ;) Children seem to walk bang into me.
Another trick I used to do was to emanate "cold". I'd imagine a freezing, uninviting space about three feet around me, and people would avoid me like the plague. One time, this poor guy spent about thirty seconds walking in and out of the end of the library aisle I was in, before his courage failed and he all but ran off. :p It was mean of me, but I was in no mood to have people around.
I'm not doing fabulously at all this, of course. My concentration is still very patchy, but I'm doing better than I have for ages. :)