How work gets in the way of what I love
Tonight I forgot a few of my lines in the middle of my scene. I only have like twenty lines and I forgot. Just plumb forgot. Luckily I managed to sing better than I basically ever have in my life, which was intensely gratifying, but my lines. Come on, self. Get it together.
I feel like it may have something to do with the (not exaggerating) four anxiety attacks I had today. Of varying degrees, I'll grant you, but for. FOUR. Four. Palms sweating, heart pounding, shortness of breath, tightness in my chest, tears. Four times at work today.
I can't even explain exactly why, since looking back it doesn't seem THAT bad. Not FOUR anxiety attacks bad.
And then I forgot my lines that I've rehearsed wE too myself over and over. And now I resent work because it's having a distinct effect on the thing I live to do. I'm worried I'm goi ng to ruin my chances at progressing because I can't focus. I don't have any more time to spend because I spend it all on something that gives me effing panic attacks.
And then I get mad at my husband for not understanding. So. That's good too.
I feel like it may have something to do with the (not exaggerating) four anxiety attacks I had today. Of varying degrees, I'll grant you, but for. FOUR. Four. Palms sweating, heart pounding, shortness of breath, tightness in my chest, tears. Four times at work today.
I can't even explain exactly why, since looking back it doesn't seem THAT bad. Not FOUR anxiety attacks bad.
And then I forgot my lines that I've rehearsed wE too myself over and over. And now I resent work because it's having a distinct effect on the thing I live to do. I'm worried I'm goi ng to ruin my chances at progressing because I can't focus. I don't have any more time to spend because I spend it all on something that gives me effing panic attacks.
And then I get mad at my husband for not understanding. So. That's good too.