(no subject)
The Things I Will Eat Today
1. Probably, 88oz Diet Coke (it looks a lot worse when you write it out like that)
2. Honey BBQ Flavor Twisted Fritos (delicious snack, or alternative breakfast option)
3. Sushi
4. Taco Bell
5. Fortune cookies
Now I understand how people gain weight and stop taking care of themselves when they get married. Firstly, because it's real fun to eat. Secondly, because now you don't have to try to look cute all the time, because your husband will still tell you that you look "really pretty" when your hair is only half dry, and you don't have a stitch of make up on, and your skin feels all tight and scaly since you just got out of the shower and you haven't moisturized yet so you feel like your eyes are all bulgy and fishy. Thirdly, I have every intention of exercising, but it's too hard to do it in the morning, and then by the time I get home at night I just want to sprawl on the floor and watch LA Ink while my eyes glaze over-- and you can't blame me for that. I mean, those tattoos are boss.
So yeah. Weight gain.
I'm eating Taco Bell with my cast of Pericles sans Ashleigh because she moved back to California, and probably sans Deurdo because no one is really sure if he exists, or if he ever existed, I guess. It'll be good to see them, especially if Chris Clark is there, but also kind of weird, since now I'm married and Alex will be there. Not that I'm going to be weird around Alex, nor will he be weird around me, but there alwaysalwaysalways in our whole lives will be that tiny little sense of This Never Happened, and of course it never happened because it never should have and so it did not, and it's not at all unfulfillment or What If at all at all at all, it's merely this knowing that we never Were, in spite of the years and years and years where we might have Been, but Weren't. And that's weird.
That was a good paragraph. I must be reading essays lately. I must be WRITING essays lately!!!
I'm very inspired lately to be smart again, and to write. I'm a good writer. I'm a good writer dammit, even. I've been reading the 2008 Best American Essays collection and I read them and think, I could do that. I am doing that. I will continue doing that. And even though essays aren't even very popular, and people don't even know what essays are, or care, I will write them and I will be satisfied and that's the point that matters. And maybe sometime Brian Doyle or Ander Monson or David Sedaris or ANNIE DILLARD will read something I write and they will become my mentor. I fall on the floor and melt into a puddle just thinking about that.
Once my sister had a dream where we were all at a big party that I threw and I surprised everyone because it was actually a release party for my newly-anticipated published book, and Ames was there and he was very proud of me and holding my hand (this dream was only when we were dating, even), and my book didn't have a cover. I wonder what was inside that book, and what the cover would be if I could publish it for real? I need to have that release party. I need to have that book and for Ames to smile at me about it.
New ambition, you guys.
1. Probably, 88oz Diet Coke (it looks a lot worse when you write it out like that)
2. Honey BBQ Flavor Twisted Fritos (delicious snack, or alternative breakfast option)
3. Sushi
4. Taco Bell
5. Fortune cookies
Now I understand how people gain weight and stop taking care of themselves when they get married. Firstly, because it's real fun to eat. Secondly, because now you don't have to try to look cute all the time, because your husband will still tell you that you look "really pretty" when your hair is only half dry, and you don't have a stitch of make up on, and your skin feels all tight and scaly since you just got out of the shower and you haven't moisturized yet so you feel like your eyes are all bulgy and fishy. Thirdly, I have every intention of exercising, but it's too hard to do it in the morning, and then by the time I get home at night I just want to sprawl on the floor and watch LA Ink while my eyes glaze over-- and you can't blame me for that. I mean, those tattoos are boss.
So yeah. Weight gain.
I'm eating Taco Bell with my cast of Pericles sans Ashleigh because she moved back to California, and probably sans Deurdo because no one is really sure if he exists, or if he ever existed, I guess. It'll be good to see them, especially if Chris Clark is there, but also kind of weird, since now I'm married and Alex will be there. Not that I'm going to be weird around Alex, nor will he be weird around me, but there alwaysalwaysalways in our whole lives will be that tiny little sense of This Never Happened, and of course it never happened because it never should have and so it did not, and it's not at all unfulfillment or What If at all at all at all, it's merely this knowing that we never Were, in spite of the years and years and years where we might have Been, but Weren't. And that's weird.
That was a good paragraph. I must be reading essays lately. I must be WRITING essays lately!!!
I'm very inspired lately to be smart again, and to write. I'm a good writer. I'm a good writer dammit, even. I've been reading the 2008 Best American Essays collection and I read them and think, I could do that. I am doing that. I will continue doing that. And even though essays aren't even very popular, and people don't even know what essays are, or care, I will write them and I will be satisfied and that's the point that matters. And maybe sometime Brian Doyle or Ander Monson or David Sedaris or ANNIE DILLARD will read something I write and they will become my mentor. I fall on the floor and melt into a puddle just thinking about that.
Once my sister had a dream where we were all at a big party that I threw and I surprised everyone because it was actually a release party for my newly-anticipated published book, and Ames was there and he was very proud of me and holding my hand (this dream was only when we were dating, even), and my book didn't have a cover. I wonder what was inside that book, and what the cover would be if I could publish it for real? I need to have that release party. I need to have that book and for Ames to smile at me about it.
New ambition, you guys.