Who do I feel sorry for...?

Jan 25, 2003 06:28

Long time no update. Somehow, every time I actually have something to say, I'm somewhere far away from my computer. Ah well ( Read more... )

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nahkasiipi January 25 2003, 07:23:10 UTC
I'm sorry you don't get along with your mother that well anymore. :( Can't say that I understand what it feels like, but I'm always sad to see you sad.

I could never talk about intimate things with my mother. Or at least it'd be very difficult. It's because of me; I don't want her to know the real me. If I talked with her, I feel like I'd reveal too much of myself. I know she hasn't got a very nice picture of me - she seemed surprised when she found out last month that something she had said had hurt me. Am I that good an actor? Like, if someone is shouting at you, how can you *not* get hurt? Hmph. It's like she thinks I don't care for anything, like I'm made of stone and nothing affects me or something. And most of the time I don't mind. Actually, I feel awfully embarrassed that she's caught me crying two times recently when she shouldn't have. She's not supposed to see me during moments like that! I don't like it. She might even start thinking I'm human after all.

Why am I only talking about myself? ^^;; Sorry. It's just that somehow your words always make me think about things and make me want to share those thoughts. More like, the thoughts seem to tear their way out of me whether I want them to or not.

And I was just having this fine bitter-sweet high from reading some damn melancholy romance tragedies, too.

*blinks* ... *blinks some more* What have you been reading, dear? Don't tell me you too have started to read those harlequins (spelling?) that Almi reads. *giggle*

I can't deal with big meetings anymore. I don't know what's happened to me. The New Year meeting was good, though, I didn't feel very troubled there. Anyway, if there's more than about 5 clan friends in one place I start to feel like I don't fit in and want to just run away. Strange... Maybe it's just a phase and it'll go away.

You won't lose me very easily, my friend. It'd take a major fight for that to happen. I miss you every day when I eat alone in the school caféteria and think about how much more fun it'd be if you were there too.

...

Wah, this sounds very silly.

...

Well then, let it sound silly. *gives up*

Monastery doesn't sound too bad. I'm not sure if I could take all the "let's worship God" stuff (I want to believe in my own version of God, whatever it is, not the Bible's version, at least not exactly), but all in all, some peace and quiet wouldn't be bad.

...Sometimes you just scare me. *grins* I'm beginning to think that you are one of those people that don't exist (like Kraksu and dear worldsong). No one can put revelations like that into words. Well, I can't. I could share the feelings if there really was such a thing as telepathy (or is it empathy?) but it seems like there isn't, so...

Nee, who did you get from the HikaGo quiz? The image does not want to show itself. *pouts* I got Waya! *beams*

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