Who do I feel sorry for...?
Long time no update. Somehow, every time I actually have something to say, I'm somewhere far away from my computer. Ah well.
So I skipped December, huh. Well, I guess my birthday was an improvement to last year - at least this year one of the two people in my "home" remembered it. It's okay, though, I still love my brother. Sometimes I just feel quite abandoned.
Funny; I've always been pretty happy about my home, but now I'm starting to question it. It sort of eats on the coziness if you're afraid to even open the door to your room - and let's not even think about going downstairs. I feel very sad and bitter towards my mother these days. We used to get along, but now she's just selfish and ignorant. I am too, but at least I have the sense to admit it. Maybe I should talk to her, but she's made it so damn impossible.
Argh, everything seems to come back to my mother nowadays. I guess this is really messing me up. And I was just having this fine bitter-sweet high from reading some damn melancholy romance tragedies, too. Almost wasted now. Dang.
... I am such a masochist. *smirk* No wonder I'm an...
How Emotional Are You?
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Christmas happened, maybe. I'm not really sure if it counts. New year, though... I spent it with friends. I felt kind of out of it half the time, because I hadn't slept the previous night at all, but all in all it left a good aftertaste. *smile*
When I'm alone it feels like all my friends are slowly slipping from my reach, and when I'm not panicking about it I'm not even sure I care... But meeting with them reminds me that they are one of the very few things that help me keep my sanity. At the brink of my family's destruction, I love and need you more then ever. Please, just don't give up on me yet. Please.
Which Saiyuki boy are you?
Take the Saiyuki Quiz at anime-doll.com
I thought that when the year would change I'd change too. But I guess simply changing the calendar on the wall doesn't really make me any wiser and generally just a better person. I'm still feeling stuck like moth on a spider's web. And the worst is that I could and should get away, but I've already given up mentally.
All my life I've wanted to go spend a year or so in a monastery. Just meditating and growing plants. Growing myself as a person. It's too bad I'll probably never get a chance to do it. *wistful smile*
find your element at mutedfaith.com.
So I skipped December, huh. Well, I guess my birthday was an improvement to last year - at least this year one of the two people in my "home" remembered it. It's okay, though, I still love my brother. Sometimes I just feel quite abandoned.
Funny; I've always been pretty happy about my home, but now I'm starting to question it. It sort of eats on the coziness if you're afraid to even open the door to your room - and let's not even think about going downstairs. I feel very sad and bitter towards my mother these days. We used to get along, but now she's just selfish and ignorant. I am too, but at least I have the sense to admit it. Maybe I should talk to her, but she's made it so damn impossible.
Argh, everything seems to come back to my mother nowadays. I guess this is really messing me up. And I was just having this fine bitter-sweet high from reading some damn melancholy romance tragedies, too. Almost wasted now. Dang.
... I am such a masochist. *smirk* No wonder I'm an...
How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Christmas happened, maybe. I'm not really sure if it counts. New year, though... I spent it with friends. I felt kind of out of it half the time, because I hadn't slept the previous night at all, but all in all it left a good aftertaste. *smile*
When I'm alone it feels like all my friends are slowly slipping from my reach, and when I'm not panicking about it I'm not even sure I care... But meeting with them reminds me that they are one of the very few things that help me keep my sanity. At the brink of my family's destruction, I love and need you more then ever. Please, just don't give up on me yet. Please.
Which Saiyuki boy are you?
Take the Saiyuki Quiz at anime-doll.com
I thought that when the year would change I'd change too. But I guess simply changing the calendar on the wall doesn't really make me any wiser and generally just a better person. I'm still feeling stuck like moth on a spider's web. And the worst is that I could and should get away, but I've already given up mentally.
All my life I've wanted to go spend a year or so in a monastery. Just meditating and growing plants. Growing myself as a person. It's too bad I'll probably never get a chance to do it. *wistful smile*
find your element at mutedfaith.com.