A plate full of emotions...
Unexplainable: Student teaching is done in four days. Four more days...I remember typing in here right after I started about how fast it was going already. Looking back I don't know where the semester went. I also remember typing about how much I loved it, how much I felt included, how much I knew for sure that I was doing what I was supposed to. None of that has changed. I had a breakdown in my closet today, from putting away art projects I've done with my students, yes my students, they have become such a part of my life. "You'll get new students"...that's how most people respond. You have no clue. They have been my life for almost 70 days, and yes I know that from the number line during calendar. They all have my heart, even the ones whose noses run, have dirty clothes, or say "I seen", they all have it in a certain way. There sure are a few I don't know what I'll do without. There are some that make me want to pull my hair out some days, but the classroom wouldn't be the same without them. I can't put it into words, even those that have student taught don't understand. Sister came the closest to understanding, because she remembers it too, and Brooke did too, she knows how hard it is to be done even if she was tired of it at the end in a good way too, and that best friend of mine did amazing at listening, and she'll be in the same boat in a years time! I bet she'll be crying as I am now, and she let's my tears fall, so I'll do the same, you can go ahead and let them fall.
Heartache: My phone call with Brooke sure did help. I've kept that bottled up, I've been holding in how hard it is to hear that Carrie is losing her hair, I've been keeping it to myself that I had a belly ache the entire drive to her house a few weeks ago to watch the kids, because I didn't know what to expect. She was the exact same Carrie, I just know she hurts on the inside. Dad saw her and she was wearing a scarf instead of a wig. He got to give her a hug and tell her how much she means to me, I'm glad he did, because I can't ever put it into words to her. It amazes me how strong she is. Friday the 21st, tears, and pj's, and laughing...that's what us stars are good at, laughing, even if there are tears brimming, we can let them fall.
Sad: I've been avoiding that my last day of student teaching falls on the same day as the anniversary of your death. I normally don't like when people write to someone that has passed away, it's not like they can read it...but you? I feel like you somehow read these, you know we still think about you often, and it's just not easy to explain ever. I didn't know you well at all really, but the heartache of sobbing to I Can Only Imagine is still so fresh in my mind. Driving home from Mt. Pleasant was a blur to me, we'd laugh and then no one would talk and we'd cry. Then you'd need your dang kleenex opened for you, or your gum unwrapped for you, and put in your mouth..and she did it. True love right there I tell ya.That car trip back up was filled with Brother's sarcasm and laughter, and singing, we needed that more than he ever will know even to this day. Saturday night at the bar was the most fun I'd ever had up there. Who cares if I wore tennis shoes, I got free drinks. I only cried because Kurtis was mean once, but then someone else made up for it so it's okay. Was I really crying because Kurtis was mean? Not at all, I was crying for you, and knew even if I didn't know you that well, you'd have held my hand and told me to let them fall.
Proud: I did it. Four and a half years and I'm done. Dad and I were talking about how it feels like I was just crying about having to move into the dorms, or how I hated it at first. I can't believe I'm done...how many times did I relieve stress about college classes by writing in this thing? No more group projects, no more finals, no more projects, unit plans, or presentations. I'm done, I worked hard and can boast as much as I want that I am graduating. Maybe I didn't party as much as people think I should have, maybe I didn't make as many friends as people think I should have, but I accomplished a huge lifetime goal by graduating college. Dad and I will both be graduating on Saturday, at the same ceremony, him with his masters and me with my bachelors. Some people may think that's silly, I think it's amazing. Not many people can say they graduated with a parent of theirs, and I'm lucky to say I am. I know Saturday will be an emotional day, I can cry if I want...let them fall.
You...I don't even know what to say about you. We may think you are a nut case, we may think you could do so much better...but tonight? You surely could not have done anything better.
Until next time, bunches of love.
Heartache: My phone call with Brooke sure did help. I've kept that bottled up, I've been holding in how hard it is to hear that Carrie is losing her hair, I've been keeping it to myself that I had a belly ache the entire drive to her house a few weeks ago to watch the kids, because I didn't know what to expect. She was the exact same Carrie, I just know she hurts on the inside. Dad saw her and she was wearing a scarf instead of a wig. He got to give her a hug and tell her how much she means to me, I'm glad he did, because I can't ever put it into words to her. It amazes me how strong she is. Friday the 21st, tears, and pj's, and laughing...that's what us stars are good at, laughing, even if there are tears brimming, we can let them fall.
Sad: I've been avoiding that my last day of student teaching falls on the same day as the anniversary of your death. I normally don't like when people write to someone that has passed away, it's not like they can read it...but you? I feel like you somehow read these, you know we still think about you often, and it's just not easy to explain ever. I didn't know you well at all really, but the heartache of sobbing to I Can Only Imagine is still so fresh in my mind. Driving home from Mt. Pleasant was a blur to me, we'd laugh and then no one would talk and we'd cry. Then you'd need your dang kleenex opened for you, or your gum unwrapped for you, and put in your mouth..and she did it. True love right there I tell ya.That car trip back up was filled with Brother's sarcasm and laughter, and singing, we needed that more than he ever will know even to this day. Saturday night at the bar was the most fun I'd ever had up there. Who cares if I wore tennis shoes, I got free drinks. I only cried because Kurtis was mean once, but then someone else made up for it so it's okay. Was I really crying because Kurtis was mean? Not at all, I was crying for you, and knew even if I didn't know you that well, you'd have held my hand and told me to let them fall.
Proud: I did it. Four and a half years and I'm done. Dad and I were talking about how it feels like I was just crying about having to move into the dorms, or how I hated it at first. I can't believe I'm done...how many times did I relieve stress about college classes by writing in this thing? No more group projects, no more finals, no more projects, unit plans, or presentations. I'm done, I worked hard and can boast as much as I want that I am graduating. Maybe I didn't party as much as people think I should have, maybe I didn't make as many friends as people think I should have, but I accomplished a huge lifetime goal by graduating college. Dad and I will both be graduating on Saturday, at the same ceremony, him with his masters and me with my bachelors. Some people may think that's silly, I think it's amazing. Not many people can say they graduated with a parent of theirs, and I'm lucky to say I am. I know Saturday will be an emotional day, I can cry if I want...let them fall.
You...I don't even know what to say about you. We may think you are a nut case, we may think you could do so much better...but tonight? You surely could not have done anything better.
Until next time, bunches of love.