First Snow
It actually happened two days ago, and shame on me for not getting my camera out before it melted. Perhaps if class had been cancelled, I would have had time to capture the tree outside my window essentially iced over.
Did you detect bitterness? There was a little bit. Not much though, because my sisters are wonderful women, and my boyfriend is a wonderful man, and my little brother is awesome.
He and I got our first snows at the same time. His was the first of his life, mine was the first of the season, and to top all of that off, Los Angeles got its first snow...in 18 years.
Garrett: hey!
Emily: SNOW!
Garrett: yes!
Emily: here at school and at home
Garrett: and here!
Garrett: it wasn't much, just flakes, but lots of them
Garrett: i couldn't stop smiling
Emily: me either
Emily: i love it
Can you tell we're Southern Californian? I'm telling you now, it'll never get old. NEVER. You Jersey kids can complain all you want...I will always love the snow.
Now for a complete 180...
I had been feeling kind of empty and overwhelmed at the same time for awhile (really, for the duration of this semester, which has only been two weeks). Couple that with all the trouble we're in, and it makes for an outlook that's not too positive. I mean, forgive me, but I didn't exactly plan on pledging a sorority only to lose my only shot at Greek Week. I know it's not the biggest deal in the world...to the people for whom this will be their third or fourth...but I'm looking forward to it. Part of that is due to a sense of entitlement to it I've had since freshman year, when I was pledging the Deephers, dating a Skull, and making almost every other accompanying mistake in the book. (It's really amazing to now be able to laugh at that over a beer with my actual sorority...and my actual boyfriend).
Point being, I knew I should be a member of a sorority, and even a Sigma, way back then. Now that I am, I find myself way too often wondering why I'm still always alone. That changed yesterday, in the greatest way ever. I kept getting half-hearted invitations from people to go places...
"You should come to the game with us...we're leaving, uh...later."
"We should get dinner...somewhere."
"I've got to run to the store...in a little while...wanna come?"
I knew I couldn't count on any of these things, because as much of a problem as it WOULDN'T be for me to accept any of these, none of them were really concrete, and I take concreteness as a sign of affirmation. If an invitation is vague, it leads me to believe it was extended out of politeness rather than genuine enthusiasm at the prospect of my company or anyone else's. It's kind of like what happens when you overhear somebody talking about going somewhere and you KNOW they invited you only because you heard them discuss it.
So, yesterday afternoon, I asked Kendra if I could bum a ride to a liquor store, and she said yes. While we were out, Chrusz called to say that Marshall was here, and did we want to see her before the basketball game tonight? I rarely see Chrusz and I never see Marshall, so I think Kendra took pity on me and we came back to get dressed. Thirty minutes later I was in Cryan's for the first time in my life. An hour and thirty minutes later, the six of us (Rambo and Alicia were there too) were watching SHU get slaughtered by Georgetown and basically catching up on life. It was amazing, it was wonderful, and it was everything I was looking for from the very beginning...without any effort at all. This is my last semester, and basically, that's everything in a nutshell that I need in my life. There was this really really BAD idea for a rush t-shirt (I love you, Rosie) that said, "I came to college to find my groom, but I found my bridesmaids instead." Truthfully, I came to college to get an education, found my groom, and pledged Sigma for my bridesmaids (I already have my maid of honor, sorry girls).
I'll expand this later, but right now I'm late for the gym.
I'm back from the gym...I came back a long time ago, actually, and then I left again. Here's what transpired between then and now...and what's coming after I finish this entry.
Apparently I'm a giant whiner/hypocrite/social hypocondriac? Not only was the gym invitation extended by my big sister (and Leah, Amanda, and Rachelle...AND we ran into Sam at the gym), but so was an invitation to dinner at Red Robin. Of course we were all starving by the time we got there, but I'm sure the food would have tasted just as good had we only been moderately hungry. After dinner, everybody pretty much just wanted to veg, and I'll admit I really have some homework I should get done (although I finished my senior seminar project; I just need to practice it a little bit more). However, I am not content to sit at home with nothing (homework) to do when I can bang out three pages on Hinduism and evolution tomorrow, as well as three physics lab problems (sorry, groupies). I'm 21, darn it, and I feel like enjoying myself.
Kendra, the mecca that is going out, told me to call people. To me, calling people is inviting myself, and I can't do that, even when I'm with my sisters, because try as I might, I just don't feel close to a lot of people yet. Maybe I will now that I'm not on the pledge side and there's a new class coming in, but I'd hate for them to feel the way I feel right now about me. I'll have to work on that. Anyway, point being, I can't just invite myself out even if the people I call are "obligated" to accept me. I can't shake the crappy feeling that ensues, and then I just act awkward all night, because I'm the only one who notices or makes a big deal out of it. (I have issues.)
My answer? I AIM-stalked. Everybody's away message said something, so I thought, eh, I'll watch last night's Grey's Anatomy and then start that bloody physics. Meanwhile, Kendra (knowing I have no initiative or spine) CALLED everyone down her buddy list and landed us a Phi Kapp fraternity party. I love my sister, and how well she knows me.
I think I'll do that physics (or that paper) with the two hours I now have to kill.
The song, by the way, is from Sixteen Candles. Everyone should love Molly Ringwald as much as I do.
♥
Did you detect bitterness? There was a little bit. Not much though, because my sisters are wonderful women, and my boyfriend is a wonderful man, and my little brother is awesome.
He and I got our first snows at the same time. His was the first of his life, mine was the first of the season, and to top all of that off, Los Angeles got its first snow...in 18 years.
Garrett: hey!
Emily: SNOW!
Garrett: yes!
Emily: here at school and at home
Garrett: and here!
Garrett: it wasn't much, just flakes, but lots of them
Garrett: i couldn't stop smiling
Emily: me either
Emily: i love it
Can you tell we're Southern Californian? I'm telling you now, it'll never get old. NEVER. You Jersey kids can complain all you want...I will always love the snow.
Now for a complete 180...
I had been feeling kind of empty and overwhelmed at the same time for awhile (really, for the duration of this semester, which has only been two weeks). Couple that with all the trouble we're in, and it makes for an outlook that's not too positive. I mean, forgive me, but I didn't exactly plan on pledging a sorority only to lose my only shot at Greek Week. I know it's not the biggest deal in the world...to the people for whom this will be their third or fourth...but I'm looking forward to it. Part of that is due to a sense of entitlement to it I've had since freshman year, when I was pledging the Deephers, dating a Skull, and making almost every other accompanying mistake in the book. (It's really amazing to now be able to laugh at that over a beer with my actual sorority...and my actual boyfriend).
Point being, I knew I should be a member of a sorority, and even a Sigma, way back then. Now that I am, I find myself way too often wondering why I'm still always alone. That changed yesterday, in the greatest way ever. I kept getting half-hearted invitations from people to go places...
"You should come to the game with us...we're leaving, uh...later."
"We should get dinner...somewhere."
"I've got to run to the store...in a little while...wanna come?"
I knew I couldn't count on any of these things, because as much of a problem as it WOULDN'T be for me to accept any of these, none of them were really concrete, and I take concreteness as a sign of affirmation. If an invitation is vague, it leads me to believe it was extended out of politeness rather than genuine enthusiasm at the prospect of my company or anyone else's. It's kind of like what happens when you overhear somebody talking about going somewhere and you KNOW they invited you only because you heard them discuss it.
So, yesterday afternoon, I asked Kendra if I could bum a ride to a liquor store, and she said yes. While we were out, Chrusz called to say that Marshall was here, and did we want to see her before the basketball game tonight? I rarely see Chrusz and I never see Marshall, so I think Kendra took pity on me and we came back to get dressed. Thirty minutes later I was in Cryan's for the first time in my life. An hour and thirty minutes later, the six of us (Rambo and Alicia were there too) were watching SHU get slaughtered by Georgetown and basically catching up on life. It was amazing, it was wonderful, and it was everything I was looking for from the very beginning...without any effort at all. This is my last semester, and basically, that's everything in a nutshell that I need in my life. There was this really really BAD idea for a rush t-shirt (I love you, Rosie) that said, "I came to college to find my groom, but I found my bridesmaids instead." Truthfully, I came to college to get an education, found my groom, and pledged Sigma for my bridesmaids (I already have my maid of honor, sorry girls).
I'll expand this later, but right now I'm late for the gym.
I'm back from the gym...I came back a long time ago, actually, and then I left again. Here's what transpired between then and now...and what's coming after I finish this entry.
Apparently I'm a giant whiner/hypocrite/social hypocondriac? Not only was the gym invitation extended by my big sister (and Leah, Amanda, and Rachelle...AND we ran into Sam at the gym), but so was an invitation to dinner at Red Robin. Of course we were all starving by the time we got there, but I'm sure the food would have tasted just as good had we only been moderately hungry. After dinner, everybody pretty much just wanted to veg, and I'll admit I really have some homework I should get done (although I finished my senior seminar project; I just need to practice it a little bit more). However, I am not content to sit at home with nothing (homework) to do when I can bang out three pages on Hinduism and evolution tomorrow, as well as three physics lab problems (sorry, groupies). I'm 21, darn it, and I feel like enjoying myself.
Kendra, the mecca that is going out, told me to call people. To me, calling people is inviting myself, and I can't do that, even when I'm with my sisters, because try as I might, I just don't feel close to a lot of people yet. Maybe I will now that I'm not on the pledge side and there's a new class coming in, but I'd hate for them to feel the way I feel right now about me. I'll have to work on that. Anyway, point being, I can't just invite myself out even if the people I call are "obligated" to accept me. I can't shake the crappy feeling that ensues, and then I just act awkward all night, because I'm the only one who notices or makes a big deal out of it. (I have issues.)
My answer? I AIM-stalked. Everybody's away message said something, so I thought, eh, I'll watch last night's Grey's Anatomy and then start that bloody physics. Meanwhile, Kendra (knowing I have no initiative or spine) CALLED everyone down her buddy list and landed us a Phi Kapp fraternity party. I love my sister, and how well she knows me.
I think I'll do that physics (or that paper) with the two hours I now have to kill.
The song, by the way, is from Sixteen Candles. Everyone should love Molly Ringwald as much as I do.
♥