April Fool's Day A RENT/HAIR Fic PG-13
(I don’t own RENT or HAIR, just the cds and DVDs)
Roger Davis woke up on the morning of April 1st with his girlfriend sleeping peacefully next to him, with a giddy smile on his face. He loved this day; it was one day a year where his mother let him and his uncle get as crazy as they wanted with no punishments. He had it all planned out in his head he just had to figure out the best execution. He knew from talking with his uncle the night before he had a meeting with his editor at noon and his mom was working and wouldn’t be home until after 6. He had plenty of time to pull of what he needed to do. He then noticed Mimi starting to wake up.
“Morning.” She said sleepily.
“Morning, you ready to have a great day?” He said with a smile.
“What have you got planned?”
“Get up and get ready we’ve got some shopping to do.” He answered her getting out of bed and pulling on his jeans.
“Roger.” She whined as her beeper went off. “Noooo.” She said placing her face in the pillow.
“Let’s go.”
“Roger, I worked until 2am I want to sleep.”
“So did I.” He said taking his AZT.
“No you sat at the door all night and drank beer with Nate and Joe.”
“I was keeping you girls safe.” He said with a smile.
“There was one guy that got handsy with Jodie.” She said returning his smile.
“Nate got him.”
“Let me sleep.”
“Nope, let’s move take your pills let’s go.”
“I hate you, get Collins to go or Mark.”
“But I want you.”
“Oh you suck, okay fine. Give me 15 minutes.”
He ended up giving her 30, at which he was chomping at the bit. Mark and Collins were laughing by this point.
“Should I expect an angry phone call from Jeanie later?” Asked Mark.
“Maybe. If you guys happen to run into Berger tell him the game is on.” Said Roger.
“See ya.” Said Collins with a laugh.
“Help!” Said Mimi walking out the door behind Roger.
“How pissed is he going to be when he realizes that we’re taking Berger’s side in this battle.” Asked Mark.
“Not nearly as pissed when he realizes his guitar is missing.” Said Collins.
“Nice job in waiting until he went to work last night.” Said Mark.
“That was the genius, when I got it there Berger had a ransom note ready.”
“What does Roger have to give him?”
“A joint I think.”
“Did you ever think maybe that’s not a good idea he smoke pot with his uncle considering what it took to get him in rehab?”
“Roger’s been smoking since high school, he only smokes occasionally and with me or Berger never alone, he’s fine.”
Meanwhile Roger and Mimi made their way to the market, when they got to the fruit stand Roger started looking around for the bruised fruit and stuff that would more than likely be thrown out that night.
“Rog, what about this one?” Asked Mimi holding up a perfect apple.
“No, it’s too good.”
“I don’t understand, I thought we were making a fruit basket or something?”
“We are just not the kind you’re thinking of. This goes back to the whole thing with the banana blow job, after the first time we did this Berger showed me how to put a condom on the bananas then I left the condoms on them and left them in the fruit basket for Mom to find.”
“So why the rotten fruit?”
“Not rotten just bruised, because it’s going to be thrown out tonight. You keep looking here I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
“I have to go get the condoms.” He said from half way across the room. Everyone looked at Mimi.
“What? At least we’re being safe.”
Roger returned a couple minutes later with 4 boxes of condoms Mimi glanced over and noticed they were the extra large kind.
“Really Roger, extra large?” She asked with a smile.
“Shut up, how’d you do on the fruit?”
“Got 2 bags.” Said Mimi.
“Good. Now we just need a bunch of bananas and were ready to go.” Roger grabbed the fruit and they headed to the checkout counter. About an hour later they walked up to the front door of Jeanie and Berger’s apartment.
“Oh my god I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Said Mimi as she followed Roger into the kitchen.
“Believe it Babe.”
Mimi and Roger unloaded the fruit and placed the various items in the condoms and smiled at their arrangement it was meant as a joke for Berger as much as it was for his mother. It took them a long time to get back to this point after Roger’s addiction and he was happy to be back to that point again.
“Alright let’s go home and wait.” He said locking the door.
When Roger and Mimi arrived back at the loft he went to retrieve his guitar and noticed it missing and in its place.
“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me, are you serious?”
“What Babe?”
“My uncle stole my guitar.” Said Roger with a laugh.
“How do you know he did that?”
“There’s a ransom note in its place, ‘I’ll return the guitar for a joint’.”
“Is he serious?” Asked Mimi, to which Roger gave her a ‘are you kidding me?’ look.
“He’s serious.”
“Where is he keeping it we were there and didn’t see it?”
“We were only in the kitchen and living room, it could have been anywhere.”
A couple hours went by and Roger and Mimi were hanging out in the living room when the phone rang.
“Let the machine get it.” Said Roger who was lying on the couch.
“SSSPPPPEEEEAAAAKKK!”
“Rogggeeeerrr, I… have… your… guitar… come… save… it… or… you’ll… receive… it… in… pieces, the ransom is a joint pre-rolled and so help you if it’s soggy. Pieces Kid.” Roger was laughing on the couch at Berger’s attempt as trying to scare him. Collins came back to the loft a short time later and Roger played the message for him.
“So if I give you some money can you go get the pot?” Asked Roger with a laugh.
“Yeah, give me ten bucks.” Said Collins taking the money and heading downstairs to go find his connection.
“I have to find some papers.” Said Roger getting off the couch.
“You still have papers?”
“Yeah. In my guitar case which is at my parents’ house. Hopefully Collins has some.”
Jeanie arrived home a little after 6 and walked into her kitchen, she didn’t notice anything out of place until she looked at the counter and saw that her son had been there.
“Oh for the love of…why me? Seriously Claude did I really piss you off that much that you had to leave me with both of them?” She said looking at her ceiling she then smiled and realized that she missed this. She picked up the phone and dialed Sheila’s phone number.
“Hello?”
“Hi John its Jeanie, Sheila there?”
“Yeah, hang on. Sheila Jeanie’s on the phone.”
“Hello?”
“My house is finally in balance again.”
“What happened?”
“It’s April Fool’s Day.”
“Oh God what did they do?”
“I don’t know what Berger did but Roger covered my fruit bowl with condoms and bruised fruit.”
“What is he 13 again? You really have no idea what Berger planned?”
“As long they don’t get arrested I don’t care, this shows me that my little boy is back and balance is restored.”
“I agree so how was work today?”
“Good a couple stabbings, a gunshot wound, just a normal day.”
“Only you would see that as a normal day.” Said Sheila.
“Jeanie! I’m home!”
“Aren’t you right in the kitchen?” Asked Sheila.
“He came in the living room door, I’m in the kitchen.”
“Hey, have you talked to Roger today?”
“No but he came by.”
“How…he’s good that’s why he was asking about our schedules last night.” Said Berger as he glanced at the counter.
“So what did you do? Sheila are you listening to this?”
“I’m still here.” She said with a laugh.
“I took his guitar.”
“He is going to kill you and I’m not going to stop him.” Said Jeanie as he heard Sheila start laughing.
“Jeanie, there’s more, he’s not telling you something.” Said Sheila realizing Berger was being short on his answers.
“Sheila says there’s more is there?”
“I might have left a ransom note in its place.”
“What kind of ransom note, what does he have to give you?” Asked Jeanie knowing what it was but just wanted it confirmed.
“A joint.” Said Berger quietly.
“You sent my son who is a recovering drug addict out to get you pot, real smart Berger.”
“Relax Tommy and Mark were there when I took his guitar Tommy said he’d go get it if Roger asked.”
“Where was Roger when you pulled this off?”
“Well I took the guitar last night when he and Mimi were at work. When they went to the market this morning Tommy left the note on the stand.”
“So you three were all in this together?”
“Mark says it was payback for the year that Roger played Muzetta’s Waltz incessantly. And Tommy was just happy to help for something to do.”
“Almost makes me happy Claude isn’t here because you know he would have been one of the masterminds of this operation.” Said Sheila so only Jeanie could hear. “That and I don’t think you could have handled the 3 of them together.”
“No shit.”
All of a sudden there was a knock on the door and Berger smiled and went to answer it.
“Two pre-rolled joints, they are not soggy. One for you and one for Mom. Now give me my guitar.” Said Roger with a laugh.
“Hold on there Kid I need to check your handy work.” Said Berger walking into the living room with the baggy in his hand.
“Hi Mom, Hi Aunt Sheila.” Said Roger giving Jeanie a kiss on the cheek.
“How did you know I was talking to Sheila?”
“Lucky guess, so how did you like your fruit arrangement?”
“Who helped you?”
“Mimi.”
“What you couldn’t get Maureen to help?”
“It was before 12 not a chance. Besides Mimi was at my place last night.”
“Ugh, I didn’t need to hear that.” Said Jeanie with a smile.
“Oh, don’t get all prudish on me now Ma. You guys were doing far more when you were younger than me. I’ve heard all about the fun times in the park.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Said Jeanie as Sheila laughed on the other end of the phone.
“Really cause I believe from what I’ve heard over the years I was conceived in the park.” Said Roger loving that he could get a rise out of Jeanie.
“I don’t know exactly where you were conceived Roger, I was on a trip for 3 days and then a month later I found out you were on the way.”
“Interesting. Well I need to go check on my baby and make sure Berger hasn’t disassembled it.” Said Roger with a smile.
“Go.”
“Jeanie, does he know that you really don’t know who his father is?”
“No. But it doesn’t matter, he has the best one he’s ever going to find.” Said Jeanie.
“Mom, you got pliers anywhere?”
“Try the junk drawer, why?”
“He locked my case not realizing that I don’t a have a key for it anymore.”
“Then how did he lock it?”
“Do I look like Collins how should I know.” Said Roger.
“Hey Kid you did good on the joints. A lot better than what you rolled in high school. You want to smoke now?”
“Uh, no I can’t I kind of promised Mimi I wouldn’t. She doesn’t understand how I can smoke pot and not want smack so I kind of promised her I wouldn’t smoke at all tonight.”
“I understand that, but are whipped my friend. How’s it going at the club you guys staying out of trouble?”
“Yeah, It’s going good you know I just check IDs and make sure the girls are safe. How’s Mimi doing, she staying off the smack?”
“Yeah, I’ve told her if she goes back I’m done. I kind of check her every night annoys the shit out of her but she gets it.”
“Just keep up your own sobriety that’s all that matters. You can’t live life worrying about everybody else.”
“Yeah, so I think we did good today.” Said Roger.
“Kid we did great today, we need to do more things like this you’re mom misses it.”
“I missed it too. I had fun, more fun than I’ve had in a while.”
“How’s Tommy doing now that Angel’s gone?”
“Surviving the best he knows how, I’m surprised he hasn’t taken off yet.”
“Well just make sure he knows that we’re here for him, your mom and me know what it’s like to lose someone to something they can’t control.”
“Uncle Claude?”
“Yeah, Kid he would have been proud of how you’ve pulled yourself together.”
“You ever think about what would have happened if he came home or just never went at all?”
“Every day, but then again things happen for a reason you can’t live in what ifs you can only live in the now.”
“Happy April Fool’s Day, Uncle Berger.”
“Happy April Fool’s Day, Kid.”