(no subject)
again, here i am in stuart's class. i'm not exactly sure what the hell i'm doing here. sometimes, i'm just not sure if this was the right college, or if this is where i belong and what i should be doing. i love thee campus, and i love the teachers. i love that you can walk down the sidewalks to class and recognize them because they are the same people you see every day. but i guess i just fee like i dont really fit in here. i dont really know who my friends are. and i know, everyone's like omg college is so awesome. and in certain aspects it is...but for me, in certain aspects it isn't. and i guess now especially i realize that i am apparently not good with change. i cant stand that i'm here with people who dont me and i dont know them. and even though i've met some wicked hilarious/awesome/nice/interesting/friendly people...i sometimes just feel like they're not real friends...no matter how much i wish they were.
maybe im just different now, or maybe even i know from high school is now different, but i feel lost. and i feel misunderstood? i dont know. i guess i just feel lost and confused and most of all...blank.
and i cant wait to go home, just to feel "normal?" again, and yet i'm afraid i'll go home and not know any of those people either, b/c they'll have started their new lives and started new things, and i'll just be the same person, and totally different from them, just like i'm totally different than the people here. and i feel like i'll never be good enough for them just like i wasnot good enough for them senior year and just like during the summer.
i hope i'm wrong. and i hope that i'll find comfort at home and i hope i'll eventually find comfort here. but for now, i'll just sit here in stewie's class...and be thankful i'm in college.
maybe im just different now, or maybe even i know from high school is now different, but i feel lost. and i feel misunderstood? i dont know. i guess i just feel lost and confused and most of all...blank.
and i cant wait to go home, just to feel "normal?" again, and yet i'm afraid i'll go home and not know any of those people either, b/c they'll have started their new lives and started new things, and i'll just be the same person, and totally different from them, just like i'm totally different than the people here. and i feel like i'll never be good enough for them just like i wasnot good enough for them senior year and just like during the summer.
i hope i'm wrong. and i hope that i'll find comfort at home and i hope i'll eventually find comfort here. but for now, i'll just sit here in stewie's class...and be thankful i'm in college.