Fic: "Until My Dying Breath", Chapter Eight-- Part One. Kurt/Blaine Vampire AU.

[emilianadarling]

The final scene that was intended to go in this chapter just absolutely did not want to happen there, so it's been moved to the beginning of Chapter Nine. So, so, so many apologies for the long wait, everyone. It was exam and paper time for me, and now I'm at work and it's the single busiest time of the year for us. Thank you so much for waiting

Comments

[amordemealma]

Here we are again. Finally, I have a chance to read chapter eight. Real life has really kicked me in the butt over the holidays, and with school starting next week, and my brother getting married in two weeks, It's just going to get even worse. But I wanted to make sure I got this read and reviewed before life really got in the way and I have no time for random anymore.

Oh my goodness. The opening to this. As someone who donates frequently, I can attest to the fact that giving blood makes me very sleepy indeed. And I have a feeling that Blaine “donated” quite a bit more than just a pint of blood to Kurt. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to stay awake after that. I also love that you referenced donating blood with him slipping him snacks and juice to give him his energy and strength back. (coincidentally, I was thrown when you mentioned apple juice, because in the previous chapter you had mentioned Kurt bringing the juice, my mind supplied orange juice, my drink of choice when I donate. heh) I love Kurt's patience, his talking

[amordemealma]

I love Blaine's feelings about not even being able to go to the bathroom on his own, the embarrassment he feels over Kurt's over protectiveness. It's so real. But again, I almost expect Blaine to stumble when he first gets up because he doesn't realize just how much damage Kurt did. I think Kurt is being the way he is, not because he sees humans as these weak fragile beings (though there is definitely a bit of that coming into play no doubt) but because he has a better grasp of exactly what he did to Blaine

[amordemealma]

So...if Kurt doesn't eat...His fridge, obviously it serves a purpose right now when he has a human to feed and to keep alive, but what about before he brought Blaine there? Was it just...decoration? Did he even keep it plugged in? And why would he need such a gorgeous kitchen if he doesn't cook? It seems like a waste of space. Why not get an apartment that has a very small kitchen or a studio space that doesn't even have one? I would think it would save money on rent if he didn't find an apartment with a big kitchen. Or maybe it's just a comfort thing to him? He seems adept and comfortable there, maybe he did a lot of cooking as a human it it's some thing to do or that calms him and he just...likes keeping up the skills? If so, what does he do with the food that he cooks? Does he like, bring it to a soup kitchen to fatten up the homeless that he then kills and feeds from later? oh god. My brain has gotten carried away again. I'm sorry, I just think about things like this.I'm so relieved to see that Blaine has much of the same thought

[amordemealma]

And the fact that he just empties himself of all emotion about it. Just lets it happen so he doesn't have to dwell on anything, the before or after or what Kurt's doing, harsh statement, but it feels very much like a rape victim letting their mind drift and disconnect so that the horrors being done to them don't register and they can keep existing cause there's no other way to cope. I hate comparing Blaine to a rape victim, but...I think it's the closest comparison I can come up with. After all, Kurt has virtually kidnapped him, and although it's 'consensual' because Blaine has surrendered, it's only done because he feels like he has no other choice. It just...makes me not like Kurt very much when looked at in that perspective.

. The dreams bleed into reality, and reality bleeds back into the dreams until Blaine can barely differentiate between the two. Oh God. What a lovely picture. Again, completely heartbreaking, because there's no escape for blaine now. None whatsoever. He can't even let his mind break free from his reality

[amordemealma]

Oh goodness the name. I'm shaking. Seriously. Because that first time, when Kurt says Blaine's name, it's like a battle won for Blaine. He feels more humanized, he feels like Kurt sees him as a person and not just a thing. And now, he can't even hold onto that as comfort. Because the one thing that gave him pleasure, to hear his name drip from Kurt's lips, is just one more thing that solidifies his presence in the world as nothing more than Kurt's possession. He has truly lost all of himself, all of his identity. Not even his name is is own anymore. It's almost as if Blaine ceases to exist, even before Kurt changes him. Because how Blaine was, he's not that anymore even now. He lost all hold on himself by giving in and letting Kurt do as he wants. That's truly such a horrifying existence. Kurt changing him has now not become some dreaded thing that one day will happen in my mind, but...almost like a release. Once he's a vampire, Blaine although not himself, will at least have his own identity again. Changing him then becomes almost a

[emilianadarling]

Wonderful to see you again, bb!!

Aha, yes, I’m quite used to donating blood as well! (When they let me. Stupid anemia.) So it was very amusing for me, having Kurt feed Blaine apple juice and cookies to get Blaine’s strength up again. :3 He’s also emotionally exhausted here, as well; it’s definitely not just a physical tiredness, but also a way to get some time to get his head all in place again. It’s definitely apple juice, though! I wanted something sickly sweet to go with the mood. <3 I’m so glad you liked the unaware drifting, because it was a bit tricky to write - it’s usually something you experience while you’re very sleepy and just waking up, so finding the words was hard, haha! And it’s definitely a very sweet scene... if you ignore the reason for it, of course.

Blaine mostly has stayed awake, but he has been drifting a bit; he’s been hanging on almost-sleep for a long while at that point. Mostly the second reason, though; he’s just very weak at the moment. Kurt definitely drank a little more deeply than he would do in the

[emilianadarling]

Blaine definitely looks far too young when he looks in the mirror; it probably does help him understand why Kurt is babying him, but it’s still a prickly feeling for sure. His mindset is just so, so interesting to try to get into with this scenario. It’s such a complex, sticky mess of emotions that don’t necessarily make sense and aren’t really coherent but he can’t help it. It’s humiliating, and awful, and nice, and sweet, and horrific all at once. And it’s all counting down to what will inevitably happen. Oh, Blainers

[emilianadarling]

When it comes to the pain, I think there’s definitely a VERY important distinction over the kind of pain Kurt is making him feel. As we saw last chapter, Kurt is being tremendously careful; his face didn’t transform at all when he drank from Blaine, and he limited himself to two fangs instead of a monstrous mouth of teeth. He’s being careful not to make it hurt too much, and to intersperse it all with sex and pleasure and make it all confusing. The human body is a remarkable thing in that it can acclimatize to so, so much. It makes sense that while everything is kept at this low-burning level, it’s possible for Blaine to get used to it. If Kurt were to actually let loose? That would fucking hurt, and nothing could stop it from fucking hurting like nothing else.

And oh, Blaine’s breakdown. :( I would definitely be breaking down like crazy by that point, for sure. You’re very right that Kurt saying ‘I have you, it’s fine’ is the most ridiculous thing, and it can’t make Blaine feel better. Not really. But he isn’t allowed to really