Chapter 13
Okay, it's late as usual, but here it is.
Chapter 13: I Have a Need
Hermione woke up from the faint sound of creaking. She opened her eyes and spotted Viktor’s head retreating from the door.
‘I’m awake,’ she mumbled, rubbing her face. ‘What is it?’
He peeked back in her room.
‘I’m sorry; I didn’t want to wake you. You just stayed up very late last night and I wanted to check if you were sleeping on the desk.’
She grinned and sat up in the bed, brushing her hair away from her eyes.
‘I was, but I moved at some point. What time is it?’
‘Nearly 11 o’clock. I’m going to my parents now, are you coming for lunch?’
Just then the reality of the day being Saturday descended upon Hermione, chasing away the last remnants of sleep. She shook her head.
‘I’ll skip this week. Please, excuse me to your parents. I’m going to see Severus this afternoon and I need to read some more.’
Viktor stared at her.
‘Severus?’
Hermione blushed and snapped at him.
‘Well, I saved his life and then he saved mine. That’s more than enough ground for using our first names.’
He raised his hands in defence. ‘Okay, I didn’t mean anything. Sheesh, you are a grouch in the morning. See you later.’ He closed the door and hurried away.
Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and punched the pillow. Nice going, Granger. You scared the poor boy away. She got up, showered and headed for the kitchenette in search of breakfast and coffee. She really needed to get herself together and concentrate on the task at hand. She had discovered some intriguing things in the book and wanted very badly to ask Severus about them.
Severus was finishing the last few stirs of the Pepper-Up Potion he was brewing, when he heard the crack of Apparition outside the cottage.
‘I’m inside!’ he said loudly.
He took a deep breath when he heard the door open and turned around. He had spent the several hours after Vesna left trying to persuade himself that he was an adult, and ex-spy and generally controlled man, who could subdue all unwanted emotions with his will. All the confidence he had managed to assemble crumpled at the sight of her.
She was wearing a dress! It was not in any way revealing or attractive-a plain long dress with high neckline and wide skirt. Her hair was gathered in a messy bun and she was hugging a stack of parchments to her chest. The problem was that she looked like a woman, not like a girl. Her smile was shy and what one can call girlish, but it just added to the overall effect of Severus feeling weakness in the kneecaps.
Her smile turned slowly into concern.
‘Severus, are you all right?’ He realized that he was staring and looked away.
‘Yes, I’m fine. I’m stocking Pepper-Up for the winter, I just need to bottle it and I will be right with you.’
She glanced at the cauldron and asked, ‘Would you give me a ladle? I can help.’ Silently, he proffered the required utensil and for fifteen minutes they worked quietly. After they were finished, Severus broke the silence.
‘Let’s go outside. You can practice, unless you want to discus the books first?’
She took her parchments from the workbench and her eyes gleamed.
‘Oh, I definitely have some things to ask you.’
He groaned in mock despair.
‘The Fates are cruel. Please, hold back until I’ve had my afternoon coffee.’
Later, mugs in hand, they sat on the ground. Hermione shuffled through her parchments.
‘I understood what you said about arcane properties. I found some herbs in the books that affect the Wielder’s power. It said that people gave those to their children to suppress their powers until they were old enough to control them and to realize the need to hide. I suppose they play part in your potion?’ Severus nodded in agreement.
‘Life reaches out to life, as I said. The Wielder has the power to establish an actual connection. I believe that the herbs create a shield around the person, so no life gets out and there is no way to connect.’
‘If it’s so simple, it should work the other way around. A person who drank such a potion would have a shield around their life force, so no Wielder can come through.’
‘Yes, it works in general. However, not for the Killing Curse.’
Hermione’s shoulders slumped.
‘I knew it couldn’t be so easy. There is something more, I can feel it. And I wanted to ask something else. Here, I brought the book.’
She opened the ancient tome and in the middle, there was a page missing. The centre was burnt, leaving only the fringes. There were several words legible.‘He has crossed the forbidden threshold’…’He shall be damned for eternity, but his guilt and shame is ours to bear.’
‘Is that what I think it is?’ she asked.
‘Yes, this is the page where Graolf’s deed was recorded. It was destroyed later. Vesna told me that the elders decided it was better this way, the knowledge was too dangerous.’
Hermione fidgeted with her parchments again. Clearly she had some ideas of her own to share, but she seemed reluctant. Severus was annoyed, until he remembered the way he had treated her in school. Sure, their circumstances were different, but he knew that habits were hard to overcome. He sighed and beckoned with his hand.
‘Hermione, I see you have something to say. Please, don’t hold back. I’m not going to bite you!’
She took a deep breath and his eyes were drawn to the juncture between her neck and her shoulder. Suddenly, biting seemed a good idea.
‘I have been thinking…what if your approach to the problem is flawed?’
He frowned.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I saw your Arithmancy on the potion. It’s all wrong. I mean, you did the calculations correctly, but the results are total nonsense. An equation doesn’t look like that when you need only to change quantities or the brewing process. It looks as if something in your hypothesis is wrong. We are missing something very big.’
His eyes narrowed. The impertinent chit…was absolutely right.
‘I know. There is a major piece of information missing. I tried to work around that, but it seems impossible.’
Hermione was gawking. Professor Snape admitted he was wrong. No, Severus admitted he was wrong. Professor Snape never did that, but Severus apparently did. He reached out for her papers and she handed them to him. She knew that her calculations were correct. However, especially after the whole Wielding issue, she knew that there could always be something she wasn’t taking in account.
He scowled in concentration, deepening the lines on his forehead. Oh, how she longed to reach out and smooth those lines. They did not belong on the face of a wizard who was not even forty. He sighed and gave it back.
‘I believe you are correct. We are working with an unknown variable here. There must be something that will help us make sense of this, but I cannot fathom what it is.’ He growled in frustration. ‘We will have time for this later. Right now, I believe you wanted to practice?’
Hermione nodded her throat suddenly dry. She had succeeded once before, but maybe it was a fluke. The thought of failing in front of him terrified her. He apparently noticed her concern and his features softened.
‘Do not worry, just do it. This time, you can try to touch without channelling first. It will help your control. Besides, it is late autumn already. The pool is calmer this time of the year.’
Hermione looked at him quizzically.
‘Nature goes to sleep for the winter, Hermione. This is a safe time to practice. In the winter it is too sluggish to let you realize the real scale of what you are dealing with. And only the insane would teach an inexperienced Wielder in the spring. Even for me it’s overwhelming. Summer and autumn are the best.’
Hermione thought about it and realized the truth of the statement. It was plausible that the energy of the life pool would follow the cycles of nature. Winter was rest time. Spring was when everything came back to life. She remembered the violent connection she had established at her first try and shuddered at the thought of doing this in the spring. She wasn’t sure even Severus would have been able to pull her out.
She reached out towards the warm soil and her hand hovered in hesitation. Then suddenly Severus’ warm hand was wrapped around hers. She jerked her head around and found him sitting right behind her. His eyes were looking straight into hers and he said softly. ‘Do it. I’m here if something goes wrong.’ His words and his touch made her feel safer than she had ever felt before. She nodded and plunged her hand into the soil together with his.
The sensation was different, duller. She was pushing down, but she didn’t have to use so much force. She also felt his presence. Then he whispered in her ear, ‘Now…feel.’
She obeyed and gasped. When she wasn’t so focused on control, she realized that she could perceive everything that lived under the grass. There are few places that contain more separate organisms than soil. Even in the autumn, she could feel insects, worms and various seeds like tiny sparks. They were somehow more focused within the blurred movement of the pool. She could also feel Severus’ presence.
‘Good.‘ he said softly. ‘Now I want you to try and channel to yourself. Be careful, not too much.’
Hermione wanted to ask what would happen, but she was too afraid to lose her concentration. So she obeyed and decreased the pressure, allowing the current to absorb into her own life force, instead of redirecting it. The feeling was incredible, her whole being thrummed with delight. Then she felt a tug on her hand and his voice said ‘Enough!’ With effort and some reluctance she pulled back and opened her eyes. He was still staring at her, holding her hand. She looked down at their entwined fingers and gasped. Looking closer, she saw that the fresh scab where she had grazed herself with the cutting knife was only a pale mark on her thumb, as if it was months old.
‘This is one of the common effects.’ He released her hand and pulled back. ‘You will also find that your senses are heightened; you will not get hungry until tomorrow and you will need only a few hours of sleep tonight. It basically enhanced every function in you body for a short time.’
Hermione lifted her astonished eyes to him and realized what he was talking about. Every line on his face was suddenly clearer. She noticed a small scar on his forehead which had been invisible until then. Then the mountain breeze ruffled his hair and she sucked in her breath in surprise. She could smell him! The scent of Pepper-Up Potion, the coffee on his breath, lime and vetiver probably from his cologne invaded her nostrils as if her nose was burrowed in his neck. He smelled so delicious and she wanted more! She caught herself leaning towards him and pulled back in embarrassment. A throb low in her abdomen urged her to lean back, to inhale more of that delicious scent. All body systems enhanced indeed, she thought as she scrambled to her feet.
‘Severus, I need to get back. I am going to a movie with Viktor and I will be late. I will think about the problem with the potion.’
He stood up with a slightly confused expression and Hermione knew that she was making stupid excuses but she needed to get away before she hugged him and sniffed to her heart’s content…or worse. She collected her parchments and the book, still avoiding his eyes.
‘I will owl you about our next lesson. Goodbye.’ She whirled around and Apparated, leaving a very confused Severus behind.
Severus sat back on the grass, contemplating the last half hour. Everything had been going very well. Why did she leave early? He didn’t believe her cooked up appointment with Krum. The lie was clear in her eyes when she said it, he didn’t need Legilimency to see it. He replayed the events, trying to see what might have scared her. Her odd fidgeting had started after she had absorbed the life force. Was it too much? It was overwhelming in the beginning, the energy, the heightened senses…He frowned. There was something. Her nostrils had flared…and she had leaned towards him. Severus looked down in mortification and anger. Did she smell his arousal? Did she even know what an aroused man smelled like? However, she didn’t seem repulsed, only…flustered. He took a moment to remember her face. Her cheeks were flushed; she seemed short of breath and her eyes were glassy. Maybe she found his scent appealing? He groaned and fell back on the ground, staring at the fluffy clouds. Today was no supposed to go like that. It was supposed to be normal. Apparently normal was a too much to expect from fate. Vesna’s words drifted back to him: There is nothing wrong with letting yourself feel, Severus… Maybe, just maybe she was right.
Hermione Apparated to the flat and startled Viktor from a heated snog on the couch. She squealed and turned around.
‘Sorry, I’m so sorry! I just wanted to get home as soon as possible. I’m going to my room now and I’ll stay there all evening, promise!’
Before her embarrassed friend could reply, she sprinted across the living room and slammed the door shut behind her. All she had glimpsed from the girl was flowing black hair and a pretty impressive rack. Good for Viktor. At least he’s getting some. She threw herself on the bed and burrowed under the pillows, trying to shut out the persistent throb in her stomach. It didn’t help that Severus’ scent still lingered in her nose and combined with the smell of her own sheets. Hermione growled in frustration and punched the headboard.
A tiny knock interrupted her self-pity session. She got up and opened the door.
‘Sorry about that.’ Viktor stood there, looking absolutely mortified. She glanced over his shoulder and the girl was nowhere to be seen.
‘I’m the one who should apologise. I shouldn’t have Apparated straight to the living room. I’m sorry that I scared off your date.’
Viktor shook his head.
‘She was about to leave anyway. What you saw was a goodbye kiss that got out of hand.’
Then he took a better look at her and stepped inside, his dark eyes radiating concern.
‘Hermione, what’s wrong? You look worried.’
She looked away, but he was next to her in a second.
‘I am having none of this. No offence, but I have seen what happened the last time you tried to work out your problems by yourself. I swear that what you say will go no further. Now spill!’
Hermione’s eyes welled up and she lunged at Viktor, enveloping him in a fierce hug. It felt so nice to have someone who cared. Harry, Ron and Ginny were too far away, and they would have too many prejudices. Viktor was a good listener and she knew he wouldn’t tell a soul. She inhaled his scent: ink and parchment, pine and musk, a note of gardenia, probably from Mystery Girl’s perfume. It was comforting and it definitely didn’t cause the reaction Severus’ scent did. She sighed and pulled back.
‘I’ll tell you everything, but first you go get some wine. I need a drink. And I want to hear about that girl.’
Chapter 13: I Have a Need
Hermione woke up from the faint sound of creaking. She opened her eyes and spotted Viktor’s head retreating from the door.
‘I’m awake,’ she mumbled, rubbing her face. ‘What is it?’
He peeked back in her room.
‘I’m sorry; I didn’t want to wake you. You just stayed up very late last night and I wanted to check if you were sleeping on the desk.’
She grinned and sat up in the bed, brushing her hair away from her eyes.
‘I was, but I moved at some point. What time is it?’
‘Nearly 11 o’clock. I’m going to my parents now, are you coming for lunch?’
Just then the reality of the day being Saturday descended upon Hermione, chasing away the last remnants of sleep. She shook her head.
‘I’ll skip this week. Please, excuse me to your parents. I’m going to see Severus this afternoon and I need to read some more.’
Viktor stared at her.
‘Severus?’
Hermione blushed and snapped at him.
‘Well, I saved his life and then he saved mine. That’s more than enough ground for using our first names.’
He raised his hands in defence. ‘Okay, I didn’t mean anything. Sheesh, you are a grouch in the morning. See you later.’ He closed the door and hurried away.
Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and punched the pillow. Nice going, Granger. You scared the poor boy away. She got up, showered and headed for the kitchenette in search of breakfast and coffee. She really needed to get herself together and concentrate on the task at hand. She had discovered some intriguing things in the book and wanted very badly to ask Severus about them.
Severus was finishing the last few stirs of the Pepper-Up Potion he was brewing, when he heard the crack of Apparition outside the cottage.
‘I’m inside!’ he said loudly.
He took a deep breath when he heard the door open and turned around. He had spent the several hours after Vesna left trying to persuade himself that he was an adult, and ex-spy and generally controlled man, who could subdue all unwanted emotions with his will. All the confidence he had managed to assemble crumpled at the sight of her.
She was wearing a dress! It was not in any way revealing or attractive-a plain long dress with high neckline and wide skirt. Her hair was gathered in a messy bun and she was hugging a stack of parchments to her chest. The problem was that she looked like a woman, not like a girl. Her smile was shy and what one can call girlish, but it just added to the overall effect of Severus feeling weakness in the kneecaps.
Her smile turned slowly into concern.
‘Severus, are you all right?’ He realized that he was staring and looked away.
‘Yes, I’m fine. I’m stocking Pepper-Up for the winter, I just need to bottle it and I will be right with you.’
She glanced at the cauldron and asked, ‘Would you give me a ladle? I can help.’ Silently, he proffered the required utensil and for fifteen minutes they worked quietly. After they were finished, Severus broke the silence.
‘Let’s go outside. You can practice, unless you want to discus the books first?’
She took her parchments from the workbench and her eyes gleamed.
‘Oh, I definitely have some things to ask you.’
He groaned in mock despair.
‘The Fates are cruel. Please, hold back until I’ve had my afternoon coffee.’
Later, mugs in hand, they sat on the ground. Hermione shuffled through her parchments.
‘I understood what you said about arcane properties. I found some herbs in the books that affect the Wielder’s power. It said that people gave those to their children to suppress their powers until they were old enough to control them and to realize the need to hide. I suppose they play part in your potion?’ Severus nodded in agreement.
‘Life reaches out to life, as I said. The Wielder has the power to establish an actual connection. I believe that the herbs create a shield around the person, so no life gets out and there is no way to connect.’
‘If it’s so simple, it should work the other way around. A person who drank such a potion would have a shield around their life force, so no Wielder can come through.’
‘Yes, it works in general. However, not for the Killing Curse.’
Hermione’s shoulders slumped.
‘I knew it couldn’t be so easy. There is something more, I can feel it. And I wanted to ask something else. Here, I brought the book.’
She opened the ancient tome and in the middle, there was a page missing. The centre was burnt, leaving only the fringes. There were several words legible.‘He has crossed the forbidden threshold’…’He shall be damned for eternity, but his guilt and shame is ours to bear.’
‘Is that what I think it is?’ she asked.
‘Yes, this is the page where Graolf’s deed was recorded. It was destroyed later. Vesna told me that the elders decided it was better this way, the knowledge was too dangerous.’
Hermione fidgeted with her parchments again. Clearly she had some ideas of her own to share, but she seemed reluctant. Severus was annoyed, until he remembered the way he had treated her in school. Sure, their circumstances were different, but he knew that habits were hard to overcome. He sighed and beckoned with his hand.
‘Hermione, I see you have something to say. Please, don’t hold back. I’m not going to bite you!’
She took a deep breath and his eyes were drawn to the juncture between her neck and her shoulder. Suddenly, biting seemed a good idea.
‘I have been thinking…what if your approach to the problem is flawed?’
He frowned.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I saw your Arithmancy on the potion. It’s all wrong. I mean, you did the calculations correctly, but the results are total nonsense. An equation doesn’t look like that when you need only to change quantities or the brewing process. It looks as if something in your hypothesis is wrong. We are missing something very big.’
His eyes narrowed. The impertinent chit…was absolutely right.
‘I know. There is a major piece of information missing. I tried to work around that, but it seems impossible.’
Hermione was gawking. Professor Snape admitted he was wrong. No, Severus admitted he was wrong. Professor Snape never did that, but Severus apparently did. He reached out for her papers and she handed them to him. She knew that her calculations were correct. However, especially after the whole Wielding issue, she knew that there could always be something she wasn’t taking in account.
He scowled in concentration, deepening the lines on his forehead. Oh, how she longed to reach out and smooth those lines. They did not belong on the face of a wizard who was not even forty. He sighed and gave it back.
‘I believe you are correct. We are working with an unknown variable here. There must be something that will help us make sense of this, but I cannot fathom what it is.’ He growled in frustration. ‘We will have time for this later. Right now, I believe you wanted to practice?’
Hermione nodded her throat suddenly dry. She had succeeded once before, but maybe it was a fluke. The thought of failing in front of him terrified her. He apparently noticed her concern and his features softened.
‘Do not worry, just do it. This time, you can try to touch without channelling first. It will help your control. Besides, it is late autumn already. The pool is calmer this time of the year.’
Hermione looked at him quizzically.
‘Nature goes to sleep for the winter, Hermione. This is a safe time to practice. In the winter it is too sluggish to let you realize the real scale of what you are dealing with. And only the insane would teach an inexperienced Wielder in the spring. Even for me it’s overwhelming. Summer and autumn are the best.’
Hermione thought about it and realized the truth of the statement. It was plausible that the energy of the life pool would follow the cycles of nature. Winter was rest time. Spring was when everything came back to life. She remembered the violent connection she had established at her first try and shuddered at the thought of doing this in the spring. She wasn’t sure even Severus would have been able to pull her out.
She reached out towards the warm soil and her hand hovered in hesitation. Then suddenly Severus’ warm hand was wrapped around hers. She jerked her head around and found him sitting right behind her. His eyes were looking straight into hers and he said softly. ‘Do it. I’m here if something goes wrong.’ His words and his touch made her feel safer than she had ever felt before. She nodded and plunged her hand into the soil together with his.
The sensation was different, duller. She was pushing down, but she didn’t have to use so much force. She also felt his presence. Then he whispered in her ear, ‘Now…feel.’
She obeyed and gasped. When she wasn’t so focused on control, she realized that she could perceive everything that lived under the grass. There are few places that contain more separate organisms than soil. Even in the autumn, she could feel insects, worms and various seeds like tiny sparks. They were somehow more focused within the blurred movement of the pool. She could also feel Severus’ presence.
‘Good.‘ he said softly. ‘Now I want you to try and channel to yourself. Be careful, not too much.’
Hermione wanted to ask what would happen, but she was too afraid to lose her concentration. So she obeyed and decreased the pressure, allowing the current to absorb into her own life force, instead of redirecting it. The feeling was incredible, her whole being thrummed with delight. Then she felt a tug on her hand and his voice said ‘Enough!’ With effort and some reluctance she pulled back and opened her eyes. He was still staring at her, holding her hand. She looked down at their entwined fingers and gasped. Looking closer, she saw that the fresh scab where she had grazed herself with the cutting knife was only a pale mark on her thumb, as if it was months old.
‘This is one of the common effects.’ He released her hand and pulled back. ‘You will also find that your senses are heightened; you will not get hungry until tomorrow and you will need only a few hours of sleep tonight. It basically enhanced every function in you body for a short time.’
Hermione lifted her astonished eyes to him and realized what he was talking about. Every line on his face was suddenly clearer. She noticed a small scar on his forehead which had been invisible until then. Then the mountain breeze ruffled his hair and she sucked in her breath in surprise. She could smell him! The scent of Pepper-Up Potion, the coffee on his breath, lime and vetiver probably from his cologne invaded her nostrils as if her nose was burrowed in his neck. He smelled so delicious and she wanted more! She caught herself leaning towards him and pulled back in embarrassment. A throb low in her abdomen urged her to lean back, to inhale more of that delicious scent. All body systems enhanced indeed, she thought as she scrambled to her feet.
‘Severus, I need to get back. I am going to a movie with Viktor and I will be late. I will think about the problem with the potion.’
He stood up with a slightly confused expression and Hermione knew that she was making stupid excuses but she needed to get away before she hugged him and sniffed to her heart’s content…or worse. She collected her parchments and the book, still avoiding his eyes.
‘I will owl you about our next lesson. Goodbye.’ She whirled around and Apparated, leaving a very confused Severus behind.
Severus sat back on the grass, contemplating the last half hour. Everything had been going very well. Why did she leave early? He didn’t believe her cooked up appointment with Krum. The lie was clear in her eyes when she said it, he didn’t need Legilimency to see it. He replayed the events, trying to see what might have scared her. Her odd fidgeting had started after she had absorbed the life force. Was it too much? It was overwhelming in the beginning, the energy, the heightened senses…He frowned. There was something. Her nostrils had flared…and she had leaned towards him. Severus looked down in mortification and anger. Did she smell his arousal? Did she even know what an aroused man smelled like? However, she didn’t seem repulsed, only…flustered. He took a moment to remember her face. Her cheeks were flushed; she seemed short of breath and her eyes were glassy. Maybe she found his scent appealing? He groaned and fell back on the ground, staring at the fluffy clouds. Today was no supposed to go like that. It was supposed to be normal. Apparently normal was a too much to expect from fate. Vesna’s words drifted back to him: There is nothing wrong with letting yourself feel, Severus… Maybe, just maybe she was right.
Hermione Apparated to the flat and startled Viktor from a heated snog on the couch. She squealed and turned around.
‘Sorry, I’m so sorry! I just wanted to get home as soon as possible. I’m going to my room now and I’ll stay there all evening, promise!’
Before her embarrassed friend could reply, she sprinted across the living room and slammed the door shut behind her. All she had glimpsed from the girl was flowing black hair and a pretty impressive rack. Good for Viktor. At least he’s getting some. She threw herself on the bed and burrowed under the pillows, trying to shut out the persistent throb in her stomach. It didn’t help that Severus’ scent still lingered in her nose and combined with the smell of her own sheets. Hermione growled in frustration and punched the headboard.
A tiny knock interrupted her self-pity session. She got up and opened the door.
‘Sorry about that.’ Viktor stood there, looking absolutely mortified. She glanced over his shoulder and the girl was nowhere to be seen.
‘I’m the one who should apologise. I shouldn’t have Apparated straight to the living room. I’m sorry that I scared off your date.’
Viktor shook his head.
‘She was about to leave anyway. What you saw was a goodbye kiss that got out of hand.’
Then he took a better look at her and stepped inside, his dark eyes radiating concern.
‘Hermione, what’s wrong? You look worried.’
She looked away, but he was next to her in a second.
‘I am having none of this. No offence, but I have seen what happened the last time you tried to work out your problems by yourself. I swear that what you say will go no further. Now spill!’
Hermione’s eyes welled up and she lunged at Viktor, enveloping him in a fierce hug. It felt so nice to have someone who cared. Harry, Ron and Ginny were too far away, and they would have too many prejudices. Viktor was a good listener and she knew he wouldn’t tell a soul. She inhaled his scent: ink and parchment, pine and musk, a note of gardenia, probably from Mystery Girl’s perfume. It was comforting and it definitely didn’t cause the reaction Severus’ scent did. She sighed and pulled back.
‘I’ll tell you everything, but first you go get some wine. I need a drink. And I want to hear about that girl.’