Fic: The Hazards of Movies Before Bedtime
‘The witches and wizawds of the Wizengamot have pwonounsed yow vewdict!’
There was faint tittering across the courtroom but Scrimgeur silenced it with a glare.
‘For cwimes against the Wizawding wowld, you will weceive the Dementow’s Kiss!’
Severus blinked. He did not recall Scrimgeur having an annoying speech defect, but no one else seemed to notice. He winced as the Minister read the names of all the Death Eaters.
‘Wodolphus Lestwange; Wabastan Lestwange; Bellatwix Lestwange; Vincent Cwabbe; Gwerowy Goyle; Sevewus Snape and Lucius Malfoy.’ The crowd had started titteringagain and stopped with several disappointed groans as Malfoy’s name failed to provide an ‘r’ for mutilation.
Resigned to his fate, Severus followed the Aurors to another room where everyone was chained to the wall and left to wait for their doom. He sighed deeply, thinking of how unfair it was after all he’d done for the Order.
‘Cheer up, Sev! It’s not the end of the world.’ Severus directed his flabbergasted gaze towards the cheerful voice, whose owner was none other than Lucius Malfoy. He was grinning maniacally and Severus decided that his friend had finally lost all of his remaining marbles. Undeterred by the glare, Lucius prattled on and to Severus’ dismay, he actually broke into song.
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
Severus glanced at the others, expecting to see the same confusion he was feeling on their faces. However, Rodolphus Lestrange was nodding in agreement and he actually joined Lucius on the chorus. When Malfoy started to swing his shackled legs left and right in rhythm, Rabastan joined him too. Severus stared with horrified fascination as the others carried on Lucius’ weird sing-along, which actually seemed eerily familiar.
Soon all the Death Eaters were singing and rattling their chains, urging him to join them. Even the approaching Dementor seemed to sway to the irksome tune. Severus banged his head hard against the wall.
‘This isn’t happening, please, let me wake up!’
***
Someone was shaking him.
‘Severus, wake up! What’s with the thrashing and moaning, are you having nightmares again?’
He opened his eyes and Hermione’s worried face slowly swam into focus. Relieved to find out it had been a dream indeed, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight until his erratic breathing slowed somewhat.
‘There will be no more movies before bedtime, am I clear?’
‘Okay, but why? We didn’t watch anything scary, we watched Monty Python, for Merlin’s sake! You laughed so hard your belly hurt, why would it give you nightmares?’
So Severus told her. She had the courtesy to wait for him to finish until she burst into laughter. She laughed so hard that she fell out of bed and continued rolling on the floor. After watching her with annoyance for a few minutes, Severus felt his own lips curve upwards. He had to admit that it seemed rather funny.
Hermione managed to subdue her giggles somehow and wiped her eyes. She looked up from the floor and asked seriously.
‘If Scrimgeur was Pontius Pilate, then who was Biggus Dickus?’
His eyes flashed dangerously and he pounced on her.
‘I’ll show you Biggus Dickus, you insolent woman!’
***
Song quoted directly from 'Monty Python's Life of Brian'.
There was faint tittering across the courtroom but Scrimgeur silenced it with a glare.
‘For cwimes against the Wizawding wowld, you will weceive the Dementow’s Kiss!’
Severus blinked. He did not recall Scrimgeur having an annoying speech defect, but no one else seemed to notice. He winced as the Minister read the names of all the Death Eaters.
‘Wodolphus Lestwange; Wabastan Lestwange; Bellatwix Lestwange; Vincent Cwabbe; Gwerowy Goyle; Sevewus Snape and Lucius Malfoy.’ The crowd had started titteringagain and stopped with several disappointed groans as Malfoy’s name failed to provide an ‘r’ for mutilation.
Resigned to his fate, Severus followed the Aurors to another room where everyone was chained to the wall and left to wait for their doom. He sighed deeply, thinking of how unfair it was after all he’d done for the Order.
‘Cheer up, Sev! It’s not the end of the world.’ Severus directed his flabbergasted gaze towards the cheerful voice, whose owner was none other than Lucius Malfoy. He was grinning maniacally and Severus decided that his friend had finally lost all of his remaining marbles. Undeterred by the glare, Lucius prattled on and to Severus’ dismay, he actually broke into song.
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
Severus glanced at the others, expecting to see the same confusion he was feeling on their faces. However, Rodolphus Lestrange was nodding in agreement and he actually joined Lucius on the chorus. When Malfoy started to swing his shackled legs left and right in rhythm, Rabastan joined him too. Severus stared with horrified fascination as the others carried on Lucius’ weird sing-along, which actually seemed eerily familiar.
Soon all the Death Eaters were singing and rattling their chains, urging him to join them. Even the approaching Dementor seemed to sway to the irksome tune. Severus banged his head hard against the wall.
‘This isn’t happening, please, let me wake up!’
***
Someone was shaking him.
‘Severus, wake up! What’s with the thrashing and moaning, are you having nightmares again?’
He opened his eyes and Hermione’s worried face slowly swam into focus. Relieved to find out it had been a dream indeed, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight until his erratic breathing slowed somewhat.
‘There will be no more movies before bedtime, am I clear?’
‘Okay, but why? We didn’t watch anything scary, we watched Monty Python, for Merlin’s sake! You laughed so hard your belly hurt, why would it give you nightmares?’
So Severus told her. She had the courtesy to wait for him to finish until she burst into laughter. She laughed so hard that she fell out of bed and continued rolling on the floor. After watching her with annoyance for a few minutes, Severus felt his own lips curve upwards. He had to admit that it seemed rather funny.
Hermione managed to subdue her giggles somehow and wiped her eyes. She looked up from the floor and asked seriously.
‘If Scrimgeur was Pontius Pilate, then who was Biggus Dickus?’
His eyes flashed dangerously and he pounced on her.
‘I’ll show you Biggus Dickus, you insolent woman!’
***
Song quoted directly from 'Monty Python's Life of Brian'.