well, fuck
so club vball tryouts are tomorrow, and there is some 130 girls vying for a coveted 9,10 spots. one of them whom I know, with whom I went to elementary school and who was on the team that placed 2nd in nationals last year. yeah okay. so I am obviously not going to make the team, regardless of how leniently they stretch their cutoffs. nevertheless, I'm trying out? why: my floor got wind of it. tomorrow I will be something of forcibly dragged to the tryouts, if I don't go willingly...aragh. well whatever. I'll just go, get beaten to a pulp, and then revel in the amazingness the actual team.
I don't know about this whole college affair, though. like, I think I'm developing this dependency on others, and can no longer eat dinner by myself normally. I mean , I get along with my (amazingly hot, yes, I know) roommates, but we're not like BFFomgalwayztogether!!! and -well, actually this was my main point- I am especially losing touch with the aforementioned pretty floormate (refer to previous post). that sucks like you cannot believe. and by losing touch I mean that conversation, if any, is awkward and forced, even when we're among people. especially when we're among people. I dunno. this paragraph should be read in two parts: Part A, the dependency, and Part B, difficulty in relationships with others. thus set up, A therefore leads to my developing poor eating habits (i.e. skipping meals when uninvited by others on the floor, though after not eating for like 20 hrs straight I almost passed out, so I'm definitely not trying that again), which in turn leads to my social awkwardness. probably just an excuse. I feel like the girl in Failure to Launch with the mockingbird outside of her window, who couldn't get a boyfriend b/c of her wild mood swings.
what am I talking about. obviously, academics are a first...I need to go finishing the homework that I've been staring at blankly for hours.
[edit:] okay I take that all back about the pretty floormate who just came and visited. I...think I may potentially be going insane. or some variation of such.